to think they could have made an effort

[loveareadingthanks]

Dp is taking part in a sporting thing today - not a straightforward competition, more a big celebration, and it's a chance for the club members to do their sport somewhere pretty impressive. Fun day, once in a lifetime thing. Don't want to out this by more details. He's really excited about it. Friends and family can come to watch. Of course, I'm going.

So were his parents. Till 6pm last night when they rang and said they can't as one of them is going to do their own sport today as they are partnering someone and 'can't let them down'. They've known about DPs thing for months. What about letting him down? You might think ok, doing a sport trumps watching a sport, but they never ever come to watch him and this is a big deal, whereas theirs is pensioners doing what they do 2 or 3 times a week in a not-serious way more as a social hobby. They are a bit strange - they will go and spend a couple of hours doing their hobby while they've got visitors, for example.

The one not doing their sport today (they've only got one car between them) was actually offered a lift to DPs event but turned it down as they find the person boring. Or, you know, there are trains up to us and then we could have taken them. Or perhaps the sport player could have got a lift from their sport partner, leaving the other one the car to drive to DPs thing. Or perhaps they could have told the person wanting to play with them that they already had plans for today...

Poor DP. He's putting on a brave face but I know he's hurt.

AIBU to say something about it to them, or should I just leave it.

No point saying anything. If they're self centred that won't change. Sad.

I am sorry, but how is your adult dp let down by his parents not watching him do his sport, just because it is done in impressive facilities? Does it matter if it is in the Olympic Park or a field in the sticks when it is not a competition?

I honestly think performing in sports trumps being a spectator - unless it is your young child playing. Especially if you need to travel to get there.

I don't see why it is a big deal.

Is it golf? I bet it is golf

Parents watching children do sports is super when the children are under 16. DH is presumably an adult and I find the idea of him being all hurt because his parents aren't going to watch him do a sport so odd. It sounds like it's quite a way for them to travel too so unless he's defending an Olympic Gold Medal in front of the world's elite I can't see why on earth they'd really want to give up a whole day for it. Of course they'd rather do what they do with their friends in their setting.

I had to keep checking you meant dp and not dc.
I cannot understand a grown man wanting his parents to watch him?
You say they're a bit strange so not sure why you'd want them there anyway.

Just leave it, saying anything would be pointless.

Can't see why an adult wants his parents there either.

Ok, well, wouldn't expect them to come watch normally, as you say he is an adult. But this is quite a big deal, lots of family and friends coming along, it's that sort of day.

I think I'm most put out that they had said they were coming, looking forward to it etc, then cancel at 6pm the night before. It's rude to blow out a commitment because of a 'better offer', that's my opinion. If they weren't interested, they shouldn't have said they were coming in the first place.

YANBU - they've let him down. If they weren't interested in going along, then they should have declined the invitation when it was issued.
To me it's as bad as being invited to someone's party and then not going on the day because you've got a better offer - or even just a different offer.

Ooh, x post.

oh, and it's an hours drive for them, not far.

I suppose I'd compare it to DP doing a 20km fun run (not) and them saying they'll come along to support him, but then cancelling the night before as one of them has chosen to do something with a friend instead.

If they said they'd come and now changed their mind for no good reason you've a right to be annoyed. I'm afraid I'd be quite difficult about this and next time they want to meet up I'd say I had to do something else. In fact I'd not bother with them for a time.

I don't think YABU and this is something DH's parents would do. If they've said they'd come, and have known about it for a long time, it's rude to cancel at the last minute whatever the event is that your DH is doing.

So you expect people to come and watch people celebrating doing their sport with their mates? You'll need to explain a lot more about why it's valuable to watch an adult enjoy themselves doing something you're not interested in.

YABU.

Not watching an adult child play sports is fine. Bailing on an agreed commitment because of a 'better offer' is plain rude.
Put it behind you and enjoy the day, don't invite them again.

YANBU I can understand why your DP feels hurt and you feel angry for him. I don't think you should speak to them about it though, if it needs to be raised it should be by your DH. It sounds as though this is part of a longer pattern of indifference by them and hurtful as it is you can't make someone else change. If it was me I'd be reluctant to invest much in the relationship if it wasn't being reciprocated so I wouldn't be doing them any favours from now on.

I think they have not realised that the event has any gravity for you beyond a fun event. They think not coming is no biggy. I'd probably think the same. It's not their hobby so they're not going to care about the surroundings especially or the activity.
I think they'd be surprised to learn he is actually hurt about it.

I too would be upset that my parents cancelled at last minute because a better offer came up.

If it was a decline when I asked I would understand.