to think that brown-envelope letters from the benefit/tax/DWP people

[HappySpills]

should come with a smiley/frowny/neutral face on the front, just so you know whether the thing you're about to open is likely to be a notification that you're getting some extra money (yay ), a statement of taxable income for the year (okay fine), or a sudden demand that you fill in a seventy page form about all your shortcomings, or that you're losing £35 a week, or something similarly unpleasant ()? I don't think I can cope with another Schrödinger's envelope on my doormat this week.

How can people not cringe at themselves at actually typing the utter wank that is the sentence "or you could earn your own money and not be at the mercy of an envelope"

I always get a sinking feeling at the arrival of an hmrc envelope. Fuckers always get dhs tax code wrong and ignore all the accurate info provided on his self assessment form, which necessitates a long phone call with some stroppy cow who has no notion of customer service (cos lets face it, they have us by the short and curlies so why bother to be nice)!

Fucking hate hmrc

Feel better now I've got all that out. Anyway OP YANBU

Who did you vote for in the election George? I bet we can't guess

Erm I sometimes send out those brown envelopes Happy to mark them with happy/ neutral/ sad faces as appropriate although most of the ones I send would be neutral.

George

Or, you could earn your own money, so you aren't at the mercy of an envelope?

TWATKLAXON!! ALERT!! ALERT!!

If I see the return address on a brown envelope is the DWP office, my heart sinks. I always think it's going to be a "actually, we've decided you're not disabled anymore, we're taking your (small amount of) disability benefits from you" letter.

It's usually a "here's a £10 bonus" or "your money is being increased by 30p a week" letter.

So no, YANBU.

HMRC are cunts. Utter utter skinwasting cunts.

After being PAYE my whole life, they randomly decided I had been self-employed for a two year period when I was actually employed by a company, PAYE.

This made them decide I had to do a self-assessment. I protested vigorously but they insisted. So I registered and got all my payslips and shit together, only for their godawful portal to tell me that I couldn't do it because the tax year I wanted was too far in the past. This was despite the numerous letters and exchange of phone calls where they were insistent I did it. Obviously, I couldn't, so it just sits there and they are just ignoring it.

In the meantime, they've made me do SAs every fucking year since, despite the fact I don't earn enough to need to and there is literally nothing about my tax affairs which would require it. They recently said I was due an £800 rebate so I requested it via their cunting portal.

Nothing happened, so six weeks later, I phoned them, waited for 25 minutes, and they said 'oh yes, we can see you are due a refund but for some reason we haven't done it, we'll just do it now'. Another month and still nothing. So I phone again and wait another 30 minutes on hold. That time they couldn't actually answer my question and wouldn't tell me one way or the other about my rebate because 'data protection'. Two weeks after that, I got a letter saying 'thanks for your call, but we can't answer your question at the present time' and literally nothing else. Since then. the refund details have vanished from my account.

WTF.

Six months down the line, I still have no idea if I am due a rebate or if I am how much it will be and when I might get it. Calling is tricky because I work in an office with people who I don't want to disclose my tax affairs to, and they have the fucking stupid voice thing where you have to say 'tax refund' in precisely the right tone of voice (i.e. not weary, angry or sarcastic) for them to transfer you to completely the wrong department, who then put you on hold and/or cut you off.

So yes, I hate HMRC.

Sorry, that was quite long, but the 'brown HMRC envelope' thing was clearly triggering for me.

Brilliant idea OP!

I'm cross on your behalf!

Looks like you needed to get that out, Fucking What a mess.

Apologies for derailing your thread, happy.

Can we add DVLA to this as well?

I got one through this week and was shitting myself when DH said "ooh that better not be a speeding ticket". Not that I am ever speeding. Was just the car tax reminder...pah.

Fucking I think you need to see an accountant and get them to deal with hmrc on your behalf. Galling though it is to have to pay someone when this is all hmrc's fault, I think it would help you get to the bottom of this.

Outrageous that they are legally allowed to make you do unnecessarily self assessment every year with no justification!

HMRC drove me to despair with their incompetence over a nasty 'we owe you money, no wait actually you owe us money' incident. They refused to answer my letter asking for an explanation as to what had happened and then told me they were taking me to court. It was one of the most stressful experiences of my life and I'll be paying them back money for a ling time, even though it was their mistake in the first place.

I totally understand OP. I feel physically sick when I see a suspicious brown envelope.

Oh oh oh. I seems I have been doing something right for once (and for almost the right reasons).

I had to send out a shed load of letters the other week and only had brown envelopes - I purposely put the school stamp on the outside because I thought people might think it was junk mail and bin it without opening.

Now I know that brownenvelopeaphobics weren't scared by them!

Oh happy days

It is the big white capita letters I dread dropping on the door step. Please submit yourself to another humiliating health assessment so you can receive a pittance to live off.

YANBU
Yes to emoticons for brown envelopes :) :( and :D
Yes to not receiving them on a Friday
No to unilateral changes by computer malfunction
Yes to no further communication with the likes of George
Yes to keeping a sense of humour in Fucking's situation

I had to do a tax return for 10 years when I had no non PAYE income but they have finally got bored. I have been double charged for council tax due to the council getting mixed up when I moved. Last year the "computer" decided it was better at collating my income than me and missed half my income and all my deductions. I only ever communicate in writing and it is the one time I sign my letters Howabout LLB ACA. Big Brother is in fact usually Johnny Junior plus computer of antiquated software heritage when dealing with individuals and it is worth keeping this in mind.

Fucking DH has has similar problems with HMRC.

He was made redundant in 2008 and was self employed for 6 months whilst looking for salaried work, and has been in constant PAYE work since early 2009.

At the time, he filled in the SA form for 2008-2009, told them he was back in PAYE and that was the last he heared.

In March 2014 he had a letter from HMRC, demanding £3000 odd...it was originally for an 'underpaid tax bill' from the year 2011-2012 for £200, plus a load of charges and interest for non-submittal of Self Assessments.

He spent hours and hours on the phone to him, wrote numerous letters stating he was PAYE in that period so asking how he has underpaid tax and that he wasn't liable to submit SA's anyway...this rolled on until March this year, when he got a letter telling him his tax code had been adjusted and they'd be claiming £100 a month from his wage to pay the debt.

He then sent them a letter in March, very to the point, and demanding a written response or he would escalate his complaint to his MP and the Adjudicator (which Google told us HMRC are reportable to).

He's just had a letter wiping the amount owed, advising his full tax free allowance has been reinstated, and stating he does not need to take any further action so it seems to have done the trick.

No apology in sight though, bastards. He's had two pays with the lower tax code so his June wage should be up by £200 now it's adjusted...won't hold my breath tbh.

• Cannot believe it didn't read

I am dreading the brown envelope from the CSA telling me they want me to enter into a private agreement with my GS's dad who is a violent, mean thug. They have only just managed to force him to pay what is due to my lovely GS after 12 months of apathy and uselessness on their part. No-one would use this horrible organisation unless they absolutely had to and now I will have to pay for the benefit of their inadequacy whilst arguing my case to remain with them - can't wait.

It has a name. Brown envelope syndrome.

fucking et al, I am a huge fan of communicating only in writing, keeping scrupulous records of course. ALWAYS send letters recorded delivery. If they want to talk to you on the phone, they can then call you.