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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed with a last minute change of date

20 replies

MoanCraft · 09/05/2015 11:57

So I really need to know if I should accept that this is perfectly ok.
I was supposed to take ds to mils bd party today.
It was always arranged for today and so my whole weekend has been arranged around that. Dh says he couldn't go as has to prepare some work and only day he can do it.
So I was going to mils party without her son but with my ds who was really looking forward to seeing the whole family. We don't often see them as we live quite far.
So sil texts Thursday eve saying weather gong to be rubbish on sat can we make it if they change the day to Sunday. I say we can't because we have something else arranged. Then follow series of texts saying she will see what the weather is like and decide on Fri morning.
I'm a bit upset as I'm thinking is the weather more important than us being there but say to her ill wait to hear.
Then text at 8am fri to say weather not looking too bad so stick with sat and what time to arrive.
I'd been asked to make some cakes so I get up this morning and set about making two cakes and getting ds stuff ready. Ds really looking forward to seeing mil and fil and cousins.
Dh heard me mention to ds that we'll need to go in half hour and says, "oh, I think it's been changed to sun". Exchanges of no your sis said sticking to Saturday, Dh saying no think moved again. So I call mil. She's says sorry changed to tomorrow, I say why didn't anyone let me know. She says sil said she told everyone.
Then sil calls Dh and says she left a voicemail. I've no signal in my house so didn't get it.
I've now heard voicemail which was left at 11am yesterday.
So I'm really upset and annoyed. First because my weekend has been dictated by mil bd party, second no one made sure I got the message she'd been texting me why then leave a voice mail. Surely you'd make sure that someone got the message especially as they're travelling quite a distance.
Also my ds is disappointed.
Sil says on voicemail she wanted it in the garden so that's why she changed it. Also said on voice mail, you're going on holiday with her soon, as if she's saying oh it's ok if you and ds are not there as you're seeing her soon anyway. I've spent all morning making cakes that I was asked to provide.
I'm just so annoyed and upset about it. Should I be? Or AIBU?

OP posts:

LIZS · 09/05/2015 12:04

Can you not go tomorrow, with dh if he can prepare his work today. The cakes will be fine a day after.

NewLeaflet · 09/05/2015 12:08

I can see why you're annoyed as you didn't find out till today. However, your SIL did leave a voicemail which suggests that she thought it was better done as a conversation rather than just a text. It isn't her fault you didn't get the message, it's pretty reasonable for her to assume that you did.

I think this isn't particularly anyone's fault.

Having said that, if they were going to pick the best day of the weekend they should have said that so you could have had more flexible plans.

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 09/05/2015 12:15

Think it's crossed wires a bit but surely if your dh knew it had been changed again why didn't he tell you?

Anyway if you can go to the party personally I would so ds not disappointed.

Go with a smile and enjoy. It's frustrating but sure not malicious in any way.

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 09/05/2015 12:24

Christ, they all sound disorganised and flakey.

I'd stay home, eat the cake and make no further plans with any of them.

pocketsaviour · 09/05/2015 12:30

Is it an outdoor BBQ type party? If so then I can see why they would want to change, but I do understand your annoyance.

PeppermintCrayon · 09/05/2015 12:32

I think you're being a bit precious. It's not that the weather matters more than you, it will just affect how nice a time everyone has.

Original poster

MoanCraft · 09/05/2015 12:35

We can't go tomorrow,Myers they are flaky and disorganised and this isnt the first time they change their mind on things and everyone else has to get in line.
Isnt it reasonable to expect that when you've confirmed to someone by text that it's def going ahead the next day that you should make absolutely sure they get the message that it's now changed again.
There are many ways she could have made sure.
She told my Dh she was going to let me know so that's why he didn't say anything.
But the whole family are self centred and shite at communicating and expect everyone to toe the line.
My Dh is ignoring my rants. If the shoe had been on the other foot and it was my brother messing around with the arrangements I would be apologising on his behalf and saying how out of order it was. My Dh would be furious and would be accusing my brother of being a nightmare.

OP posts:

Original poster

MoanCraft · 09/05/2015 12:36

Sorry didn't mean Myers meant king.

OP posts:

Original poster

MoanCraft · 09/05/2015 12:36

Peppermint , so you think that if my sil and her family couldn't make it then she would have still changed the day do you?

OP posts:

RaspberryRuffle · 09/05/2015 12:45

YANBUMoanCraft.
If I were you I'd text them and say hope they enjoy the party, and by the way they'll need to buy a cake for MIL.

Depending on how old DS is I would make an excuse and tell him you are having your own little party today and use one of the cakes today and freeze the other.

Original poster

MoanCraft · 09/05/2015 12:48

Thank you raspberry

OP posts:

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 09/05/2015 12:50

Stay home and eat cake.

Original poster

MoanCraft · 09/05/2015 13:00

Haha yes deja, there is an upside to this isn't there.
What's upsetting me further is that because we've had so many busy weekends I haven't seen my dm since February and the only time I've seen my df this year is when he was admitted to hospital. I could've used my precious time to see them. Instead I'm now having to thinkof somewhere to take ds so that Dh can get his work done.

OP posts:

maudpringles · 09/05/2015 13:08

Sounds just like my irritating in laws, we have the furthest to travel but often have to fall in line to make it easier for nearby relatives.
I would stay at home and eat the cake, but I am becoming an awkward sod

millionsmom · 09/05/2015 13:15

In the the stay at home and eat cake camp. Or the two of you could go to the park/go for a walk/bear hunt and eat the cakes at the end.

I think your sil didn't want the confrontation so didn't try more than the once to let you know. Surely your dh realised you didn't get the message when you started making cakes?

ENormaSnob · 09/05/2015 14:29

Yanbu

redexpat · 09/05/2015 14:43

I hate flakiness. If they wanted it in the garden then they should have told you this at the beginning so you would have been more prepared.

Andylion · 09/05/2015 17:02

I hate flakiness. If they wanted it in the garden then they should have told you this at the beginning so you would have been more prepared.

And acknowledged from the star that weather might be a factor and said that Sunday would an alternate date if weather was bad.

Chucklecheeks · 09/05/2015 17:12

Sorry unless there is a big back story that you are not telling us I would chalk it up to a missed message and attend. This isn't your birthday party so why should its details surround you? It's obviously an outdoor party so why not move it to the day with the better weather.

If you can't go you can't go but I do t see the need for all the drama.

Icimoi · 09/05/2015 17:15

It does seem a bit mad. Surely anyone who plans an outdoors event in May in the UK makes sure they've got contingency plans for rain that don't involve changing the date at the last minute? And I wonder what they're going to do if the weather's bad tomorrow?

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