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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bump envy- is this a thing? Will I get past it?

25 replies

ShimmeringSunset · 08/05/2015 22:08

Hopefully I will.

I had my children later in life (33&35) as prior to this had NO desire to have dc and never gave a second thought to a pg person.

Dc2 is 6 months and I suppose she'll be my lastSad

I just love having a cuddly, snuggly baby in our house, it's made me so very happy. The toddler is harder work but maybe it's because he's my first?

Anyway, as I hear of more of my friends, colleagues, people I know getting pregnant I starting to feel envious! It's the thought that I'll never be pregnant again that makes me so sad. Maybe not so much not being pregnant but never having the excitement of expecting a babySad

I wonder if I'd feel this way no matter how many dc I'd have?

The baby is an abs

OP posts:
Original poster
ShimmeringSunset · 08/05/2015 22:10

Posted too soon!

The baby is an absolute joy to have, a real smiling happy little person! She's a total angel!

How can I stop these feelings and get over this childish envy?

I realise many are not so fortunate as me, there's no real logic to how I feel.

OP posts:
ClumsyNinja · 08/05/2015 22:14

33 & 35, late in life???
I had my only DS at 43 and knew I wouldn't have another, which felt a bit sad when all my younger mummy pals were having their second child A couple of years later.
Please OP, don't automatically write yourself off as too old for another one just yet.

JumpingBarney · 08/05/2015 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ShimmeringSunset · 08/05/2015 22:17

It just feels late in life as I have to have a third CS and (probably) endure a third HG pg.

OP posts:
Brummiegirl15 · 08/05/2015 22:27

I've lost 3 babies in the last 12 months.

Trust me when I say I have bump envy.

And it breaks my heart. I should be cuddling a 3 month old. Not about to embark on my 4th attempt

ollieplimsoles · 08/05/2015 22:46

Brummiegirl15 :(

I REALLY hope this next one is your rainbow, have they offered any help to you-tests or anything?

ebwy · 08/05/2015 23:31

I just had living child #3 and I'm 40. you aren't too old

AndHarry · 08/05/2015 23:45

:( Brummie

I definitely had bump envy when DD, also my DC2, was a baby, but now she's 2.5 and it's faded to a gentle flicker before being overwhelmed with relief that I'll never have to look after a baby again. I can now be genuinely happy for my friends who are having babies, without being secretly wistful, and it's a great feeling.

NormaStits · 08/05/2015 23:46

Brummiegirl, I'm sorry for your losses. I had two in 6 months, it is hard going. I hope you have better luck soon. Consider miscarriage testing if you haven't already, it can help with the what ifs, even if it's just to rule out some problems.

Now, I have 5 month old and I have bump envy too. It's almost as bad as the bump envy I had before I got pregnant (though not as bad a post-miscarriages). Some days I could cry with grief at the thought of never being pregnant again. I only ever wanted one child and I still do. U don't need another child but I can't believe I'll never experience pregnancy again and really wish I could turn tthe clock back one year. Which is silly, because life is fantastic with my baby..

I hope the feeling lessens over time.

NormaStits · 08/05/2015 23:47

I Don't need another child, that should read.

velouria · 08/05/2015 23:51

I felt the same as you after 2 kids, but after my third the broodiness evaporated. He is almost 6 now and no signs of it returning, so don't think it is necessarily inevitable it will go on forever. Three is bloody hard work, I love him to bits but my life would have been a lot easier with 1 or 2.

BettyCatKitten · 09/05/2015 00:43

Brummiegirl I hope your next pregnancy is successful Flowers

SycamoreMum · 09/05/2015 00:55

I kind of understand. I get it all the time. I had my DD at 6 months, spent the first three months in shock, the next three months just getting used to the idea and then she was born. Didn't feel like I had a proper pregnancy if you see what Mean.

So when someone announces their pregnant I can get a bit Hmm lol its terrible. Don't think I'll have another one as things are atm.

greenfolder · 09/05/2015 01:35

I still get bump envy at 47 with no womb! However at the mother of a 20 year old, 17 year old and cute little 7 year old can I offer you this? The years between 11 and adulthood go on for ever. And you honestly cannot know this when you have small sweet children. You really need to consider how many stroppy hormonal people you want to share your house with next decade.

dajmibuzi · 09/05/2015 04:44

I know what you mean OP.

I couldn't do it again but I wish my 6mo would be a baby forever though. She smells so good. Especially her hair (fuzz) and when I bury my nose in her chubby cheeks. Or when a stranger comes up and says hello to her and she gets shy and nuzzles into my shoulder. Or when my toddler pretends to be a baby and they crawl around together laughing.

THEN AGAIN my toddler is a hoot and has me in absolute stitches all day. So I'm looking forward to dc2 being a more vocal part of the family.

Oh fuck it OP just have another. Wink

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 09/05/2015 06:12

I think it's normal.

I certainly had it, but with me I think it was because I had to have my womb removed so the option was taken away from me iyswim. Ds2 was 15 months at the time and although I'd sworn I didn't want anymore, suddenly I saw pregnant women everywhere and yearned to experience pregnancy and the baby bit once more.

My dses are older now, it passed and I'm so glad we didn't have the option of another. I love having older children and 2 is just perfect for us.

dajmibuzi · 09/05/2015 06:30

That's lovely doyou it's fantastic when you feel like everything worked out for the best.

SanityClause · 09/05/2015 06:42

I'm with greenfolder. The emotional toil of teenagers (and mine are only 15, 14 and 11, so a long time yet to go) is enourmous.

Also, they become a lot more expensive as they get older, and ideally need a lot more room.

Do you just want a pregnancy and squishy newborn, or are you seriously considering the facts of raising this person for the next 18 years, and continuing to support them, at least emotionally, and quite often financially, for years after that?

MrsNextDoor · 09/05/2015 06:50

OP you will get over it! I'm like you and even had my 2 children at the same ages as you...after DD2 I was the same...I think it was hormonal to be frank. Now I'm 42 and have no desire to be pregnant at all....I'm happy with my family.

cailindana · 09/05/2015 07:09

I don't get bump envy at all, I absolutely hated being pregnant and don't like the small baby stage but I still feel very sad that my baby- having years are done. It makes me feel old!

Hadalifeonce · 09/05/2015 07:44

My DCs are 14 and 12, I am 57 and still get bump envy! (But certainly don't want (can't) have more DCs!)

cleanmyhouse · 09/05/2015 07:55

Its that biological clock thing. I had 2, was never sure if i wanted more when they were younger, but the opportunity wasn't there so it was a moot point. I had to make that decision last year for medical reasons and although i felt happy with my lot and positive i wanted no more, part of me was gutted I'd never carry another. I get massive bump/baby envy.

Lorgy · 09/05/2015 09:37

Brummie I hope with all my heart you have your baby soon. I have been pregnant 10 times and have two children so know how relentlessly hard it can be to keep going. I too get bump envy though. I had hellish pregnancies with HG and numerous other issues throughout. I long to experience a normal pregnancy like other women but too risky for me to try for a third so I'm trying to put it behind me but not easy.

ZuleikaJambiere · 09/05/2015 09:41

I get bump envy, but just first bump envy. My first pregnancy was easy and trouble free and without having anyone dependant on me I could swan around to Aqua natal and pregnancy yoga classes on a whim, take a nap, nurture myself etc. Even though pregnancy 2 was also relatively easy, it was harder because I had to put someone else first all the time. Even if we have another DC (v unlikely) I'll never get that magical first pregnancy again.

I also get childbirth envy, but that's another story!

Doublebubbles · 09/05/2015 09:47

After a decade of infertility and Ivf I know what bump envy is. I'm now lucky enough to have a twin bump of my very own. I'm so greatfull everyday of this pregnancy, mainly because it's one day closer to my babies arriving hopefully strong and healthy.

I think what your feeling is normal and most women feel it at some point but you have to put it into perspective and count your blessings.

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