AIBU to want to gather my family and move far away from people.

[Sothisishowitfeels]

I should start with a disclaimer to avoid drip feeding! I am pregnant and emotional and yes I already take citalopram for being prone to panic and anxiety (although this has been well under control for quite a while) .

Basically dh and I have 5dcs and I am pregnant with dc6. We are really happy , we have a business which went through a rough patch recently but now we are doing really well and life is good.

Until other people turn up. Family stresses are minor but constant, my children do well at school but seem to get made fun of a lot ( they have red hair ) . People feel they have right to shout abuse at me on a bus because apparently my children have no chance coming from a large family that probably relies on benefits (I don't but that's not the point). I am starting to feel very conscious about what people think of us to the point of when I tell people I am pregnant and they say "oooo your first?" I don't say no sixth I just say "no I have older" to avoid the conversation.

I feel like my family is perfect and happy I just wish I could gather my many red headed children around me and find a place where the world will leave us alone . I know i can't actually do that but it is how I feel.

I can't decide if I am being unreasonable to feel like this and if it is the old anxiety talking or if other people would feel like this.

Should add dh and I love our family size so that isn't an issue for us.

YANBU at all but AIBU isn't a friendly place and MN in general doesn't like you to have more than 2.4 children, so you'll probably get some cracking replies here.

Congrats on number 6, I think that's lovely. You know you are raising and supporting them yourself, so ignore other people.

I think we would all like to run and hide to protect our children. Red heads do get noticed but then so do fat kids spotty kids short kids - you need to teach them how to react. I did run away - but regret taking them away from their true roots - family who honestly understand them without question. Large families teach sharing communication, support, being individual in a crowd, appreciation for what you have - lots of pluses.

What sort of place do you live now? I'm not sure moving where there are no people is the answer, but you probably know that! I live in a really diverse urban area, and can't imagine what you describe happening here, because families come in all shapes and sizes, everyone doesn't know each others business and there are people from lots of different cultures and nationalities - so in a sense no set idea of 'normal'.

I'm sorry this is getting you down so much though, having anxiety is horrible and with added pregnancy hormones it must be really tough for you. Hold on to the fact that you think your family is perfect - that is the most important thing after all.

Congrats and congrats again. I would shout from the rooftops if I were you! All I wanted was a bunch of little red haired children. I got two mousey little beauty's, but still insist on telling mums of red heads how jealous I am! Myself and DH are ginger and we thought it was a given we would have an array of red headed kids. Don't hide away, be loud and proud xx

I'd get more gobby not less. "We're trying for a scarlet football team" or "we heard red hair was dying out so we're doing our part". FWIW I live somewhere with lots of red hair and I love seeing it. I though DD might have it (Scottish GPs) but no.

Bless you and your brood, they sound beautiful. I don't get the stigma with red hair, it's gorgeous.

I get where you're coming from but try not to let others bother or affect you. Not everybody will judge, make assumptions etc. If I met you I think I'd congratulate you and offer to make you a certificate for being a super mum! I'd also be a little jealous of you, I'd love more kids but that's not going to happen for me.

I often dream of living in a place where everybody parents the way I do and all are nice to each other, kind-hearted and honest. That place doesn't exist, so I carry on being me, brining up my family the way believe is correct and I try my hardest to surround myself with people who are like me and don't drain me. I also try to teach my kids to toughen up and be assertive, which isn't easy but you can't change others, so you have to learn to deal.

for you and good luck with the new baby, very exciting.

You must know some pretty ignorant people. I don't know anyone in RL who would be so unpleasant to you about your family size.

Yanbu op, we have done this and it was the best thing we ever did although not everyone we know understands why.

We leapt away 5 yrs ago and landed in another country, dc have blossomed and DH now asks why it took so long to convince him.

I only have only two dc and sadly neither has red hair, always felt that I didn't fit in where we lived before and was generally told I was too posh and my aspirations for dc were too unrealistic I have a strong moral compass and want my children to achieve the best they can - hardly shocking stuff I thought...

I would ignore these people as they have no real knowledge of you and your family - you sound lovely

Thanks for your replies :).
I think keeping anxiety under control makes you doubt your feelings sometimes incase you are overreacting!

I live in a small town in the north west, it is a fairly poor area , not very diverse. I actually do like it here even if I struggle sometimes !. My dh was born here I stick out a bit as I have a southern english accent

Bunbaker - I think I just know lots of people who speak their mind freely !

Go for it!!

I have a southern accent and live "oop norf".

When I first moved to Leeds in 1980 I did come across "why did you move up here?" questions, but nowadays people move around so much more that I don't come across this small mindedness.

Where do you live - Royston Vasey?