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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate xdh having dd overnight

18 replies

DoMeDon · 08/05/2015 19:19

Every Friday or Saturday night he has her (2 Friday and 1 Saturday a month) they go to the pub. She is 5 and sometimes he doesn't take her home till midnight. I know I can't decide how they spend their time but it's killing me! Aibu/wwyd? For full disclosure- I am working while he had her and he is working the other weekends.

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confusedandemployed · 08/05/2015 19:20

WTAF? I'd be stopping her going. That us most definitely Not. On.

Original poster
DoMeDon · 08/05/2015 19:24

I don't think i can just stop her going!?! I've been told courts support joint access. Equally I want her to have access to her df, they adore each other but I need him to see sense- sadly he will not stop being irresponsible. Also I'm working those times, no other family to help.

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ApocalypseThen · 08/05/2015 19:26

Is it legal to have a child of that age in a pub till that hour?

popalot · 08/05/2015 19:27

YANBU. Talk to him. There must be other people telling him it's not right.

Original poster
DoMeDon · 08/05/2015 19:28

Technically it's a members club but I honestly don't know- I think so

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Fairy13 · 08/05/2015 19:28

You have a duty to facilitate contact. That contact has to be safe though.

What pub is allowing a 5 year old until midnight? Most kick children out at 9 latest. Is he drunk?

You have to promote contact but you also have to safeguard your DD. I'd be saying daytime contact only until he agrees no pub.

Original poster
DoMeDon · 08/05/2015 19:30

I've told him, he agrees. Dd then says 'pleeeassseee can we go' (she's 5 and she loves late nights) he says 'ok for an hour', they stay till midnight.

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Alanna1 · 08/05/2015 19:31

Can you afford a solicitor to guide you? Personally, I don't think regularly having a 5 year old in the pub till midnight is likely to be seen as acceptable parenting. But I think you'd want to take it slowly, i.e. raise your concerns in writing whilst supporting access / asking about pub / agreeing a time he will leave by / enquiring about the atmosphere etc. Clearly fine to take a child to dinner in a family pub. Not fine to be drunk there at midnight potentially putting a child at risk.

ApocalypseThen · 08/05/2015 19:33

What happens in a pub that a five year old enjoys that much?

Original poster
DoMeDon · 08/05/2015 19:33

I genuinely don't know what to do, I'm working when he has her. If I go to more regular hours I'll halve my income and work more hours. I want my dd to be safe and i hate the late nights. I also want to provide for us.

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Original poster
DoMeDon · 08/05/2015 19:35

Music, friends, karaoke, arcade, lemonade, staying up late, I imagine there's crisps!! Who knows!

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atomich01 · 08/05/2015 19:35

You say it's technically a Private Club - what kind of club? If it's a social club with other children there then that's a different thing to him just taking her to the pub. I do agree that 5 is too young to be out that late, but a family friendly social club cannot be compared to the pub down the road. If she's asking to go, it must be a family friendly place, which puts a somewhat different spin on the situation.

Fairy13 · 08/05/2015 19:37

He's a parent! When she says pllllleeeeeeaaaassssseeeeee, the correct answer is 'no, we're going home in an hour like I said'.

He doesn't need to stay until midnight!

Original poster
DoMeDon · 08/05/2015 19:39

Yes s family friendly club, with entertainment. I have been there, lots of older men drinking, plus a few women and their kids.

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Original poster
DoMeDon · 08/05/2015 19:41

I totally agree. Once he's had a drink his limited boundaries dissolve.
Do you all think a sol would help? My fear is I go official and he tells dd to lie to me or it gets unpleasant.

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Momagain1 · 08/05/2015 19:51

Out drinking til midnight isnt good no matter where. When he is the adult alone with her, any amount of booze, especially away from home is a poor plan. And then there is the lack of appropriate bedtime hours, etc. she only asks to go because she has learned to expect it and probably makes no effort to entertain her otherwise. It's the club and fun with other people (and crisps!) or a ready meal and watching him watch TV otherwise I bet. If he took her to soft-play, McD's and then home to a proper bedtime, she would love that too.

I understand, if you raise a stink, you could end up with less opportunity to work if contact is reduced. You are between a rock and a hard place, no doubt.

But if you are going to pursue any sort of complaint, dont complain it is a pub if it isnt.

Original poster
DoMeDon · 08/05/2015 20:11

Yes that's my worry, this is now the norm and much easier than playing.
It wouldn't be less chance to work i would lose my job and need to find a day job.
Point taken re pub. I felt it conveyed the atmosphere better than club but would need to be clear at sols.
Still unsure I would get anywhere- surely my word against his and she's happy!?!

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Original poster
DoMeDon · 08/05/2015 20:23

Have checked the law- any time up till midnight with an adult if drinking establishment allows it- legally ok Confused

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