To ask how to professionally deal with a terribly bossy person

[Lisamuller]

I am doing some group work for college. One of the members always, always talks over me, rejects most ideas I put forward, and when she doesn't reject what I say she looks put out.

I volunteered for some parts of our group work and incidentally she wants to do the same ones. I have tried explaining why I am keen on doing one of the parts (the other part we will have to do together, god help me), had flagged my interest in this part long ago yet she will not take the flipping hint.

Anyways through incessant talking I feel sidelined, especially when we talk with our teacher about our project. He might assume I' m not contributing.

Please help, my confidence is shrinking, I feel myself getting angry (feel she is borderline bullying, or at least, massively domineering).

Please, please share some copying tactics. Thank you!

P.S. I had started another thread but with very few replies. Hoping to get more traffic here, as I need to deal with her constructively and professionally tomorrow.

I used to work with a group of men and one in particular would constantly talk over the top of me and I felt powerless to stop it. Then one day I was so cross because I had some really valid points that he would not allow me to get out in a meeting. He was so shocked when I held my hand up palm facing him and said ' I'm talking, we you please show me some courtesy, as I have you, and allow me to continue'? I think he was embarrassed as I had called him out on his bad manners. It was so successful that I have used it several times since!

Use your Mum voice (even if you're not a Mum). I found my assertiveness technique improved massively once I had a toddler, and I think the Mum voice tends to bring out a bully's inner child. So, when interrupted, you stop what you were saying and say, very firmly and quite loudly, "PLEASE let me finish what I was saying before interrupting". Only, in the college environment, smile winningly as you say it.

Can't you just tell her to shut up?!

I'm sure your tutor knows exactly what she's like, so don't worry on that score!

Perhaps you should all have talking chips like I do when I'm teaching. Whoever gets the chip gets to talk!

Actually I would say"please stop interrupting me and let me finish what I am saying." Repeat until she shuts up.

Good luck today Lisa

Can you do an assertiveness training course? You've reached the anxiety stage so it would be very beneficial for you.

I use the broken record technique on people like that. I can do that ad-infinitum. It helps.

There have been occasions where manager would butt in loudly Id simply stop talking..and when she finished I wouldn't put forward any suggestion..just let her flounder, since she thought she'd get a response. After a suitably long uncomfortable gap Id bottom-line it. The bottom line being this is the task that needs to be done, Im going to do it in this way. It will get done. On repeat.

Im not in that type of work scenario anymore, this was years ago now but you spend a lot of time at work and anxious or not, you have to look after your wellbeing and not let someone make you miserable.

There are some very good suggestions right through this thread. Good luck.

You could Google some typical 'group ground rules' such as
1)respect for each others opinions
2)listening
3)taking turns
4) confidentiality(if needed)
etc
You could start the group by asking if you could just share these ideas and that you think the group would be more effective if you all agreed some groundrules...yours being suggestions that can be added to and ruled out as necessary.

Was it super nanny who had the 'talking spoon'.

Only the person holding the spoon could talk and everyone else had to listen. It will also come in handy to beat her with if she won't shut up.

In a meeting once, I was talked over constantly by one of my male colleagues, so I said "I know what I am saying is not terribly important to you, but it is to me, so I would like to be able to finish." He shut up and quite a few people congratulated me afterwards.