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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to get childcare?

10 replies

BooChunky · 06/05/2015 13:29

I've been a SAHM for 4 years, and have a 4 year old and an almost 2 year old. I briefly went back to work when my oldest was born but it was shift work and the childcare kept falling apart (family and friends mixed with DH working from home) so I slowly did less and less and then just left.

I love being a stay at home mum, for the most part. I like walking DD to school everyday and being around for any play dates and activities she wants to do, and DD2 gets me to herself while DD1 is at school so we can do stuff together too.

But I'm sick of DH's money being his money, rather than ours, and I'd like to be able to go out and buy something that I want (like clothes or something) without feeling guilty... And I want to be more equal in our decision making process with regards to holidays, new car etc.

So I applied to university, and got in! Shock And am now looking forward to starting a career in three / four years and be able to do all these things.

So now I'm interviewing nannies for September, and getting such a negative reaction. My parents don't understand why I need to do this, as technically I suppose I don't need to work. A few other parents have been telling me that it will never be easy to leave my children and I'll be upset everyday, and DH (though supportive) has mentioned that it feels unfair to DD2 that she won't get her time at home with me like DD1 did, and her final years of no school and just fun will be given to a stranger.

I don't even know what I'm asking really. I guess I'm wondering if I'm being selfish?

OP posts:
Buttercup27 · 06/05/2015 13:32

Congratulations!!! No you are not being selfish, you want your own identity other than mum.

Nabootique · 06/05/2015 13:33

No you're not! Cannot believe how unsupportive people are being. I'm also Shock at the fact that decisions regarding holidays, etc., and money matters are not equal!

Will you be a full time student?

Pippa12 · 06/05/2015 13:36

Congratulations to you for getting in to university! It is far from selfish at all- majority women go out to work these days to make ends meet! Ignore them- it's a fantastic achievement and you should be very proud of yourself!

Original poster
BooChunky · 06/05/2015 13:37

Year one is 4 days a week, so I'm just looking for a four day nanny, and years 2 & 3 it's 5 days and placements, so I'll need someone all five days. My DD2 has the worst separation anxiety so I think a nanny in her own home is the best way to go for her.

OP posts:
RB68 · 06/05/2015 13:37

No but you are upsetting other peoples apple carts and they are being selfish - no way is right or wrong its just a different experience. Why should you be the one giving it all up for the sake of others - judges in divorce cases have no empathy for this either so you need to do what is right for YOU as well as taking into account others but not being ruled by their views and opinions

marshaF · 06/05/2015 13:38

Congratulations at getting into university Smile
I don't think you are being selfish at all - it sounds like you have enjoyed being at home with your children but it's time for a change for you, and being a Sahm currently, I understand what you are saying completely and will consider going back to work/studying in the future

Good luck with it! Stick by your decision and don't pay too much attention to negativity - people will always have an opinion but it's not for them to judge you

Heels99 · 06/05/2015 13:41

Congratulations and good luck. You are setting a brilliant example to your daughter. Have a wonderful time and ignore the naysayers.

Nabootique · 06/05/2015 13:42

Best for her, and you'll be easing into it and off for uni holidays! She'll still get lots of time with you. I think it's marvellous you're retraining after children and you'll be doing something you really want to do. Surely a fulfilled parent is a good person to be around?

Zippidydoodah · 06/05/2015 13:46

Congratulations! It's your choice. Your children will be fine! (Though is your dh on board? As it doesn't really sound like he is...?)

Mind if I ask you what your course is?

hellsbellsmelons · 06/05/2015 15:03

and DH (though supportive)
From what you have written he doesn't sound very supportive of you in the role of SAHM.
You should have equal spending money and certainly an equal say in cars and holidays etc....
That's just not right and very controlling.

But... congrats on getting into Uni. Fantastic.
Make the most of it. This will be the start of your new life.
Ignore those who aren't supportive and be proud of yourself.

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