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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be peed off at 'friend' (sorry another friend thread)

45 replies

HelpMeGetOutOfHere · 06/05/2015 10:18

Its been playing on my mind and I'm feeling quite wounded and upset about what she said (upset probably a bit full on tbh)

Met a friend for drinks the other night, we have known each other since primary school. She's always been petite and I've always been the bi one, in hat I'm 5'9 compared to her 5'2 ish and younger was a size 10/12 to her 8. Now we are older I'm a 12/14 to her 8/10.

Anyway we were discussing buying new clothing for summer and I was talking about dresses that I had seen that I liked. I have never worn trouser, other than the odd pair of shorts on holiday. I have also always been the type that blow dries my hair, make up on, nails filed, shoes and a good handbag. No matter what size I have been. I was a lot heavier a couple of years back, but still wore nice clothes etc.

I'm usually what lots would say as overdressed, e.g. the rugby mums wearing jeans a top and I'm in dress tights and boots. I would love to throw a t-shirt and jeans on but its just not me.

she said she was talking to a friend of hers and had said about me, always looking nice and wearing lovely clothes etc., but then I had to, as I was 'big' I needed to make an effort to look nice!!!!!

AIBU to feel a bit hurt at this and think that she's not as nice as I thought she was?

OP posts:

Original poster

HelpMeGetOutOfHere · 06/05/2015 11:34

yes Whatisaweekend I had horrendous pnd and part of that was me never leaving home unless I really really had to and eating. I don't think I cooked a proper meal for about 3 years. Gained weight during pregnancy so after having ds2 was about a 16, but then didn't lose any of the weight.

It took having dd and seeing an acquaintance lose a huge amount of weight, and seeing how it transformed her life and her outlook, to spur me on to do something about it. Plus of course I was feeling better and coming out the other side of the pnd.

I hate that H is probably right though. He will so say I told you so.

OP posts:

Trickydecision · 06/05/2015 12:54

I think YA a bit U over this. Yes, it was not a kind to say but you have been friends for a long time. I have had my feelings hurt over the years by my friends, and no doubt I have said things which hurt them, albeit not deliberately. It hardly seems worth jettisoning a long term friendship for.

helenahandbag · 06/05/2015 12:57

Trickydecision

How, pray tell, can you "accidentally" hurt your friends feelings by telling them that they have to make an effort to look nice because they're "bigger"?!

GloGirl · 06/05/2015 13:12

Your friend is a cheeky bitch. if it comes with a history of snide comments you are doing well to distance yourself!

You, on the other hand sound fabulous! I amfar too lazy to be ffabulous eeven once . Fuck her.

rhnireland · 06/05/2015 13:18

I'd wonder if she's jealous about the life you have i.e. clearly a supportive husband, bit more freedom now your kids are older, having time to look after yourself etc.

I think her comments were mean, nasty and totally inaccurate and I'm her height and a size 16/18 and if she said a comment like that to me I'd take real offense.

I think you should walk away from someone who'd speak to anyone in that way never mind a friend....

LondonLady29 · 06/05/2015 17:02

YANBU she's a bitch. And your height and size 12-14 is not big, not that it's anything to do with her.

SaucyJack · 06/05/2015 17:08

She's a bitch.

I would say it's because she feels threatened on some level because you are more dressed up than her. If she was truly happy in jeans and a tee she wouldn't be running you down.

mrsmeerkat · 06/05/2015 17:31

Oh my God. If it was a once off I would still be inclined to ditch her but if your dh has noticed t hi s is regular I think you need to stay away from her :(

Original poster

HelpMeGetOutOfHere · 06/05/2015 17:49

Thank you.

I'm not going to say anything but in the same way that I'm not going to make the effort to arrange nights out etc.

I'm not sure why she'd be jealous. She has a much nicer house, h who wants far more and does more around the house and with the dc.

And yes the advantage of older dc is that I do have more time to myself and those activities they do and parties they go to, we don't have to hang around anymore so time for coffee and shopping in peace etc.

OP posts:

mrsmeerkat · 06/05/2015 22:23

Try not to let her get you down. I don't know why people are so spiteful

You do sound amazing and good for you !!

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 06/05/2015 23:10

Op I think she was rude. I am like you in terms of dress sense, but her height and size (except hips and bum!). I get told similar things to you except it's because I have a childish face, and I'm single. it hurts. I think not making effort is the right call.

Trickydecision · 07/05/2015 13:54

helena, I did not specify how I might have hurt friends; if I knew, it would not have been deliberate but tactless. Maybe the same applies to the OP's friend.

Ev1lEdna · 07/05/2015 14:09

I'm not sure I'd meet with someone who could be that unpleasant to me again. Life is too short to entertain spiteful people.

Ev1lEdna · 07/05/2015 14:10

I also don't think saying something like that is a lack of tact, I think it is a very deliberate comment.

ginmakesitallok · 07/05/2015 14:15

Very rude, I would have liked to have responded "oh, so THAT'S why you never make an effort, of always wondered..."

Roseforarose · 07/05/2015 15:26

Sounds like a bit of jealousy tbh, maybe she wishes she had your height. 5' 9 is a lovely height to be. Perhaps she's always wished she was taller. I've always found that nasty comments like that come from jealousy. So take it as a compliment OP, and be ready with an equally matched put down on her if she ever says anything similar again.

CobbOnn · 07/05/2015 17:07

What a nob. I'm about your height and a big 14. I want to lose enough of the baby weight to get down to 12-14. I will be slim. As I imagine you are. Not stick thin, but a very normal size. Sounds like she has her own insecurities.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2015 18:10

You are hardly big, you are very tall and probably look amazing. She is very rude, she sounds very jealous.

ollieplimsoles · 07/05/2015 18:15

I would love to be your height op, I'm a size 12 and I'm 5"1! D:

She sounds really bitchy and people like that do have little digs at their 'friends' because they are insecure, I used to have a friend like that at school.

Zampa · 07/05/2015 18:23

She's totally jealous.

I'm 5'9" and a size 12. I have to really watch what I eat to be thinner or exercise A LOT and certainly don't consider myself "big".

It's not something I'd lose a friend over but if she's bringing you down, get rid.

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