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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask how to fix this?

13 replies

yesiwouldlikefrieswiththat · 05/05/2015 23:50

To start I was the one in the wrong. Totally in the wrong I am all too aware of this.

I have said some completely unforgivable things to a close family member (that I love to bits) out of sheer temper (exhaustion,pms you name it...)

I have taken it back and apologised and am now giving her some space. What should I do? If I could unsay it I would but I obviously can't and it's out there now

I can't put details as it could out me and I don't think I could bring myself to say it anyway, I'm too ashamed

OP posts:

EatShitDerek · 05/05/2015 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 05/05/2015 23:58

Write a letter of apology and then wait and hope. That's all you can do.

WorraLiberty · 05/05/2015 23:59

How much space have you given her?

I mean as in how long ago did you say the unforgivable things?

OrangeVase · 06/05/2015 00:06

Oh, I'm sorry - this is awful - for both of you.

A letter is a good idea I think - with some sort of explanation, (without making it sound like justification), ask for forgiveness then as others have said it is up to her.

Good luck OP.

Original poster

yesiwouldlikefrieswiththat · 06/05/2015 00:08

Thank you, just wish I could take it away, I hate it when people are upset anyway but when I'm the reason it's awful

Tbh it was only a few days ago but we are really close usually (as are our dcs) and I'm panicking that I've fucked it up permanently

OP posts:

TowerRavenSeven · 06/05/2015 00:14

I did the same thing to a friend 5 years ago, she's never forgiven me even though I apologized profusely and sincerely. IMO if people can't forgive that's their problem and you have to move on, there is really nothing else you can do.

sliceofsoup · 06/05/2015 00:27

I have had this done to me. Completely unprovoked I might add. It happened 3 years ago and although I have moved on and we speak again now, I am still wary of her, and always will be. Forgiven not forgotten.

All you can do is give her space. She owes you nothing, don't forget that.

Mermaidhair · 06/05/2015 02:01

This has happened to me too. I truly forgave my family member, but things will never be the same.

SavoyCabbage · 06/05/2015 02:07

Me too. Years later I can talk to her in an ordinary way at a family party or similar but I would not choose to spend time with her.

I found I couldn't think about her in the same way and our relationship was never the same.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 06/05/2015 02:09

Grovelling letter and some flowers then leave her to come to you if / when she wants to

Nanny0gg · 06/05/2015 09:35

Was there truth (even if just from your perspective) in what you said?

Or can you honestly say that you didn't mean any of it?

fiveacres · 06/05/2015 09:36

It really depends on what was said. I'm not asking you to share but I know some things I would view as unforgivable as in, just crossed a line.

I hope it works out for you

SnowyPiglet · 06/05/2015 11:19

Oh dear, I do feel sorry for you. I sometimes say things I don't mean (although normally it is just that something comes out wrong) and I feel terrible, have to backtrack, and it's all very messy.
Is there anything you said that was vaguely true? Could you write/email, try to meet with her, and explain about the exhaustion, whatever. Were you suffering from stress? (My poor husband has to suffer a lot when I'm stressed!) If something just came out wrong, could you explain that to her?
Best of luck.

Flip