My mother's a fairly difficult character all round. She's a bit naive, a bit unworldly, very proud of being a grudge-holder, very petulant, quite needy, a bit narcissistic, though I wouldn't go so far as to say she has actual NPD. We've never got on. She only likes other people who buy into her manipulative game-playing - once I realised that it wasn't normal I ran to the other side of the world and have never gone back to live.
Growing up listening to her complain about how undervalued she was by everyone, particularly my father, because she wanted compliments on her appearance, wanted jewels and flowers and to be treated like the little princess she was brought up as - and my father just isn't that sort of person, would never flatter anyone and has never really understood why his wife is so huffy and nothing he ever does is good enough - I always thought "I have no desire to be like her, i'm never going to find self-worth in whether other people treat me like a princess".
So this is a genuine question because I think she and I are at opposite ends of the spectrum. Am I being a cow about Mother's Day, or is she being needy and self-centred?
It's Mother's Day on Sunday in the rest of the world (i know the UK has it on Mothering Sunday). This year, as every year, there have been reminders for the last couple of months, discussions of what presents she has received in the past and whether they were adequate, discussions of whether she is appreciated enough, whether her daughter (my sister) is appreciated enough as a mother, whether there are enough celebrations, etc. On the day she will be taken out to lunch by the family, and she and my sister (the two mothers) will revel in feeling underappreciated, while being given lots of stuff and telling everyone how much they deserve it because they're martyrs to the cause of Motherhood and all these selfish other people just don't understand. Thankfully I have missed these performances in the last 20 years by living in a different country.
This year it's even more extreme, because she turned 70, and has been making lots of pointed comments that there wasn't a big party organized for her, and how she'll have to go to the party organized by her old school for everyone in her school year who is so underappreciated by their families that they didn't get a 70th. Maybe 10 years ago, I'd have felt guilty and would have gone out of my way to organize a party for her. These days I tend to think "if she is desperate to have a 70th party she can organize it herself, she's an able bodied adult and fully capable of communicating, and her disposable income is about 10x mine, I know none of her friends, and I live on the other side of the world. Sod it."
Likewise with Mother's day. I jsut don't want to buy into all the drama. I plan to give a large donation to the DEC in her name. This will be an insufficient present as she finds major disasters to be "negativity she doesn't need in her life" and donations to charity are apparently something done by other people - she always "has bills to pay". But I am so bloody sick of the self-centredness. AIBU to not make more of a fuss of the woman?