To feel bitter about being a single mother??

[GoldenBoots]

I love my children more than life itself, I really, truly do. But I didnt have them to raise them alone, and when I was younger I certainly didnt see myself ending up a single mother on benefits in a council flat.
ExP left, or should I say I threw him last year, and on the whole I would say I have coped well, but somedays,like today, I just want to throw in the towel and scream I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE!
I have 2DCs under 5 who are wonderful and beautiful but boy they would test the patience of a saint!
I try and do my best for them, but Im just so bloody tired, tired of my DS being so angry and demanding, tired of not eating dinner til 9pm cos one or both of them just wont bloody sleep, tired of screeching at the top of my voice cos theyre fighting yet again, tired of the relentless washing/cleaning/cooking/reading/school run/nursery run that I do alone each and every single day. I cant help but feel bloody bitter towards ExP who has none of this responsibility, he has them EOW Sat am - Sun pm, gets to do the fun stuff with them and drops them back.
Surely Im not the only one who feels like this?

I also wanted to say, my ex isn't doing enough, but if I insisted iphe stepped up, he'd tell me top fuck off and continue doing what he wants.

The law in this country sucks in that no one can make him step up and do his equal share. :(

Other single mums are your friends I agree....I've met a few now and it's so nice to have a coffee with someone who gets it x

i get it too.

feel bitter and feel bad about feeling bitter!! my ex doesn't contribute financially, or much practically, is often completely unreliable and comes over and does fun stuff and I get left with all the hard work (as well as the actual work of earning money self employed). Constantly shattered.

that said things are getting easier as DS gets older (2.5). but I resent the amount of work I have to do. I'm trying bloody hard to get routines together, declutter, organise, stay on top. Getting slightly easier as time goes on.

Can't imagine what it's like with two, so hats off to you. :)

Hello, newly single mum here too, dd is 2.5 and I'm 20 weeks pregnant and constantly tired and wake up yearning for the day to end so I can go back to bed.
Anyone in Oxfordshire by chance? I'd love people in the same boat to meet with. Ex is a class A twat with verbal abuse, threats and the like, it would seem he has no shame for his affair or his actions. If one more person tells me they don't understand because he adored dd who he now wants to walk away from I will scream! Xx

Stop it.
Your bitterness is leaching through to your children, which is making them more demanding.
You took control of a difficult situation and threw your partner out; take control of this one now. You wouldn't want to go back to your previous unhappiness would you?
Make bedtime routine a priority; eat with your children then you won't feel so tired; insist on a time for bed and make them keep to it, and to their rooms, (watch super nanny); hard work but so much easier once it is established. You need time to yourself.
I was/am a single mother; the younger child was five months when my husband went, but it was my children who kept me going; things were so bad it was a relief when he left, and he helped very little with the children anyway.
Things will get better; this state of life isn't permanent and you have the ability to make a life that suits you; don't waste time envying your ex but think instead he is missing the pleasure of his children. Really!

I'm a single mum of 2 in a council house and could cry most days at the drudgery of it all.

Went into my pregnancy with DD1 knowing I was going it alone,but nothing prepares you for how tough it is.especially as she had mobility issues too.

Fast forward 5 years,dd1 settled in school,me in new full time career that fit in with school hols(TA) new relationship,dd and new partner really get on,yay happy ending.

Within 2 years back to square one,gave in to pleading to have another child,found out DP was a compulsive liar and secret drinker.left to raise 2 children alone and having to go through access contact fiasco with an unreliable ex who I'm constantly scared won't look after dd2 properly.

Dd2 is nearly 3 now,dd1 is 9,I'm trying my best to get us to a settled place,where I actually enjoy being a mum,had PND with both,suicidal after Dd2 but slowly recovered,not many bad days now.

My biggest sorrow is that my girls may grow up and say they had a unhappy childhood

That sounds really hard cluesue

I worry about this a lot as well. I would hate my children to resent me for telling their dad to leave.

fiveacres - not sure what your situation is now, but I think your children would probably ultimately resent you more for staying with someone who would be making you a miserable, unhappy mum than for leaving him (and hopefully being a less unhappy and better parent).

I hope you're right :)

If your a sahm and they are under 5 so not in school. I'd be asking ex to have them every weekend.

I'm pretty sure I am right fiveacres! If you leave someone who is making you unhappy, so be it. you can put all your energy into your kids and what makes you happy. Your kids will still get lots of love.

when I was with my ex I was all over the place as he was lying, sponging, emotionally abusive. managed to leave him and rebuild my life. we get on better now and he has improved and is being a reasonably good dad. DS is much happier as I am much happier. Things aren't perfect but they are light years ahead of what they were when I was still with him. I would have left him even if he hadn't lied etc but I was just unhappy. Your happiness is crucial to good parenting.

There is a lone parent board on here that you can join were you can get lots of advice and support.