To think what I'm feeling probably isn't just 'being a new mum' and get some help

[RaaRaaTheLion]

DD was born 5 months ago. It was an unplanned pregnancy, though very much wanted and has changed my life immeasurably, but definitely for the better. She was two weeks late, and I'd almost convinced myself she wasn't coming so was shell shocked when she did arrive. Slightly traumatic birth in the respect that I had forceps ( already had an epidural so no theatre dash) because of her heart rate dipping with each contraction and she wasn't breathing when she arrived so had to be taken out of the room as soon as delivered.

Fast forward 5 months and I love her with every inch of my being but I am riddled with worry and thoughts. I think about her getting hurt on a daily basis even dying, I still have to check she's breathing during every nap/bed time, I get incredibly flustered when she's crying, DP hasn't looked after her for more than an hour and a bit because I worry about what might happen to them while I'm away ( think car accident, him losing her, taking her and not coming back etc), I lock the door at night even though we live in a very peaceful area as I worry about someone coming in and taking her. She is a brilliant sleeper yet I am constantly tired, but I won't take anyone up on the offer of looking after her for a few hours. I've started working one evening a week, and my DM looks after DD and I then stay over afterwards - I feel guilty but I enjoy those 4.5 hours a week I can be me, not BabyLions mum.

I do have a history of mental illness, in the form of anorexia and bulimia about 5 years ago. I've never been on any form of medication.

Am I right in thinking this is more than just PFB syndrome?

Yes, please go and speak to your GP and tell them everything. You are having incredibly invasive thoughts that must be so hard for you to deal with. How is your husband about this? Are you able to discuss your feelings with any friends, your mum or DH?

You poor thing, you must be exhausted. I think we hear a lot about pnd as manifesting itself as not bonding with child, crying constantly. However in my experience and my friends' experiences it has manifested itself in the way you describe, as sheer panic and anxiety. I had tablets and CBT, both really helped. Good luck.

Im the same, I constantly check to see if 4 month old DD is breathing when she's asleep. Cheking her temprature, checking for rashes. DH finally made me a doctors app for tomorrow when I had a panic attack about her having a rash on her face,turned out it was a beard rash from where DH has kissed her. I would suggest talking to someone doctor/DH/DM about it. I know its a horrible feeling that can consume you.

I think everything you are feeling is normal to some extent, but it sounds like it is getting in the way of you living a normal life, so in that respect yes, I would agree that it would be a good idea to seek help.

I felt the same as you, in that I used to worry constantly about something happening to DS, I still do to some extent. It shouldn't be stopping you letting your DP look after her though, unless there is a real reason he is not trustworthy? Locking your door seems like a sensible precaution to take, and not a sign of a problem.

I had post natal anxiety after DD1 and what you say sounds so familiar. I had ACT therapy which was very effective. You can look it up on You Tube. I now use Mindfulness regularly.

I feel like that . My son is six days old and I'm obviously completely sleep deprived but I worry all the time. I've got a psychiatry appointment today (made for me while I was in hospital with him) - sounds like you definitely need some support. You have to be honest with people about how you're feeling so that they can help. I'm trying to do this for my baby's sake.

I discussed it with DP for the first time yesterday, but not with anyone else. I guess it's a case of not wanting to let anyone down, which I know is silly as I'm letting DD down more by not speaking about it and hoping it'll blow over. I've only really realised that it's not normal As I've started getting stomach cramps when I'm worried.

You do sound very stressed and anxious. Please go and see your GP

This post made me cry please go to your GP and seek some help.

Peppa sorry it made you cry, that wasn't my intention at all. Should I be crying? Although I'm aware it's a little messy, I don't feel as though it's that bad..am I deluded?

I had very similar thoughts when my oldest was a baby. I never got any help for it. He is now almost 14 and I still feel the same way, I still don't sleep properly and check on all my children constantly through the night ad dread it when they go out anywhere.

Please get some help and don't go as long as I have, I realised a long time ago that anxiety isn't healthy but it's been so long now I can't change.

for you, it's so tough.

Please go to your GP.

I was very similar when my DS was about 3 months, it got so bad that he picked up on my anxiety and was really unsettled by it. That was what finally pushed me to go to the GP. I had quite a bad mental health score so was given antidepressants and some CBT.

Now DS is 8 months and we are sooo much more chilled and enjoying ourselves so much. It was very frightening, upsetting and exhausting at the time and I am so pleased I got help.

Getting help is the best thing.

I also started to suffer anxiety after the birth of my daughter but it became a huge issue when I returned to work.
My FIL looked after my DD once a week and she used to get really upset when he picked her up. (Even though she always had a fab time.) i became convinced she would choke at his house and would ring him and even walked out of work once I was so worried.

I left it too long before seeking help but my GP was fab. You should def do the same. Medication plus a stress management course helped me.

Best wishes. xx

You are overly anxious. Ask your GP for a referral for cbt.

Look up some stuff online about challenging unhelpful thoughts.

Some relaxation may also help you. Yoga maybe?

I would also like to add my voice to all the previous posters saying go to your GP.

However, I also want to add that it is very positive that you yourself have recognised that there is a problem, and have spoken to your DP, and have asked for help and advise on here.

I hope that this is the first step on recovery for you, and that you go on to truly enjoy your time with your precious DD.

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You're obviously concerned enough to post on here for advice so at the very least make an appointment with your GP (even if it is just for peace of mind). Thoughts (especially negative ones) that seem to overtake any kind of logic are usually a good indicator of stress, anxiety or depression. If you feel you cannot rationalise your negative thoughts then perhaps it would be good to get some advice.
You obviously have some insight to your needs which is a really positive step in the right direction, don't be afraid to ask for the help you feel you might need. xx

I used to check dd was breathing at night too and sleep deprivation certainly didn't help with the worrying. Please remember that doctors and HV's are there for support and they won't think bad of you for admitting all this. It sounds like your birth experience has made you extra cautious too. Good luck they are there to help you not judge you