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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you achieve total happiness?

57 replies

PiperChapstick · 04/05/2015 21:55

At the risk of sounding like a bad Facebook meme, I'm trying to achieve total happiness in my life and have found that doing things like being happy with what I have (materialistic wise) and avoiding people who only bring me down or make me cross has really helped. Though the latter is bloody hard sometimes. I have some right wankers in my life. The former is surprisingly easy - I recently changed jobs from one where I was miserable to a lower paid one where I'm very happy. I have less disposable income but it doesn't bother me half as much as I thought it would as I'm not going to bed dreading the next day and wanting to spend 8 hours in tears.

So can I ask you lovely mumsnetters what your life hacks are for being happy and content!

OP posts:
TheWindowDonkey · 04/05/2015 22:58

i think I only learned how to be happy in my late 30's. The main pillars of that happiness have been...
Being there for others when they need someone.
Working hard to do simple things in the best way I can.

Being able to differentiate the 'its me not them' from the 'its not me its them' situations when friendships go awry and mending fences where its me and walking away in a dignified manner when its them.
Remembering the words 'love is patient love is kind' when dealing with my DH and kids and trying to be both towards them as much as possible.
Realising Total happiness is a myth perpetuated by the media and allowing myself to be unhappy, to have the grace to accept I will be down at times but not to allow it to take over long term.
Keeping fit.
Taking five minutes every day to stop, look around me and realise what an amazing gift the natural world is, and how lucky I am to witness it.

givemefuckingstrength · 05/05/2015 05:15

Yy Windowdonkey re. friends.

Someone who I thought was one of my best friends stopped talking to me for a few (long winded) reasons, none of them actually my fault. I was very upset at first.

Now removed from it all a few years down the line, I can see how toxic the situation was at the time. I lost sense of myself whilst trying to please her, always dancing on eggshells...exhausting. I am so happy that kind of nonsense is out my life now. Life is too short, and there are too many people who suck you dry.

Cut out the people who don't prioritise you.

paxtecum · 05/05/2015 05:50

I think those of us whose lives allow us to be happy are very fortunate.

It is impossible for some people to be happy.
How can you be happy if you child has a painful cancer and is dying?

I don't think I would be happy if I had a chronic painfull illness.

purpleapple1234 · 05/05/2015 06:08

I once read that to be happy in life it is a good idea to have 4-5 parts, e.g. family, friends, work, hobby, interest. From what I can remember you maintain these 5 things, like making sure you are balancing work and family, avoiding toxic relationships. So when one area goes wrong, you have the other areas of your life to keep you on an even keel. Works for me. I'd put my categories as immediate family (dh and dd), extended family (mine and dh's family), friends (with and without kids), work and my new hobby of gardening. I have found gardening (a very grand term for a few pot plants) to be great way of overcoming work stress. Writing this too has made me realise that work stress has been meaning that I have been shutting myself off from my friends recently.

MoustacheofRonSwanson · 05/05/2015 08:53

Fleetingly.

Turquoiseblue · 05/05/2015 10:12

I m trying too Grin.
One big thing I have found is appreciating the small things - home, job I love, my health, my dh.
My family are negative thinkers - so I was raised to see the glass 1/2 full, it s difficult to change that but I try to balance realism with optimising and positivity.

Also letting go or putting distance between you and negative relationships, stepping away- scary but freeing and immensely fulfilling

43cupsoftea · 05/05/2015 10:21

Having an aim.
I regularly feel very happy and blessed. I think it's partly having financial security (not had for a long time) good family around and good friends.
However I decided not too long ago that the one thing I wanted to spend money on was travelling, and strangely enough since having that focus I feel more settled. I don't want a big fancy house or loads of 'stuff', I just want to explore the world with DH and DS, until he goes off on his own. And share travels with friends when we can. I'm not talking big fancy worldwide trips either, just good holidays whenever we can!
And my motto is 'no regrets' because I'm here now, in this situation because of everything that has gone before - good and bad.

MrsFrisbyMouse · 05/05/2015 11:10

By letting go of the concept of 'total happiness'

Life is complicated and contradictory, humans are complicated and contradictory. it is also not about polar opposites. You can be both happy and sad at the same time.

I do think being happy is about noticing the small things. A pretty window box on a walk, or someone in a bright coat on a rainy day.

Being rather than doing.

Babynamechange · 05/05/2015 11:58

I've been through and am still going through a difficult time in one particular aspect, and these three things have made a difference that I can't describe.

  1. Everyday write down 10 things you are grateful for. Can be anything. Someone smiling at you, hot water etc, cuddle from DC
  1. If something bad happens, look for the silver lining and try to put all your focus on that. If you look for the roses, you will find them.
  1. If you find yourself worrying, being upset etc, then conciously recognise it and try to divert your thoughts somewhere positive. It took a long time before I could do this! Xx
SomewhereIBelong · 05/05/2015 13:06

Everyone thinks I'm a happy, lucky person -

I feel generally content -

I have patience and a positive, can-do attitude, apparently it shows as happiness.

cailindana · 05/05/2015 13:15

Realising and accepting that one day, you will, for definite, die. And it will all be over.

LumionaMoonsplash · 05/05/2015 13:21

I was cynical, pessimistic, selfish and judgmental. My friendships were not good for me and working full time was too exhaustive. In the last few years, I've stepped back and I'm truly content with every aspect of my life. I would say I'm happy. It's a tough balancing act, life, with great highs and lows, my goal is to surf the wave of contentment. Reading a lot of minimalist texts has helped break through the bullshit of modern times, constant bombardment of must-haves!?! I have started to enjoy the little things.

Nabootique · 05/05/2015 13:25

For me, not caring what people think and not sweating the small stuff, and things you can't change. I'm not religious myself, but this quote sums it up for me:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

And also:

"If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.”

The second one helped me so much at a certain point in my life.

soverylucky · 05/05/2015 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reallywittyname · 05/05/2015 13:57

Something to do.
Something to love.
Something to look forward to.

CaoNiMa · 05/05/2015 14:04

Ashtanga yoga and learning to forgive myself.

Jemimapuddleduk · 05/05/2015 14:12

Not taking life too seriously.
Lots of wine.
Avoiding friends/acquaintances that are toxic.
Writing down 3 good things that happened each day.
Not being afraid to admit you are wrong and saying sorry.
Being kind to people.
Helping others.
Getting out in the fresh air regularly.

Bettercallsaul1 · 05/05/2015 14:13

And learning to forgive others - to let go of bitterness which is very draining.

Sickoffrozen · 05/05/2015 14:19

There is a lot to be said for not being materialistic.

It is possible to exist very happily without a car, a phone, the internet, designer clothes and expensive food.

The love of a family and friends is enough.

I would like to get to the point one day where I get rid of all things I don't need and go back to the basics of life. However warm weather and sunshine tends to make me happy so it may have to be somewhere overseas.

Bettercallsaul1 · 05/05/2015 14:34

Yes, nature in general seems to be important to happiness - a walk in the woods, or along the shore. Looking at stars on a clear night. The seasons. Nature calms us and helps us get things back in perspective.

Yarp · 05/05/2015 14:37

As well as other things mentioned:

Becoming more assertive. Real assertiveness; not aggression. It makes you feel less frustrated

Bettercallsaul1 · 05/05/2015 14:38

I'm finding this thread very therapeutic! Lovely to hear everyone's thoughts.

Yarp · 05/05/2015 14:38

Oh, and apologising.

HowDoesThatWork · 05/05/2015 15:31

An aggressive lobotomy?

'Total happiness' sounds like it is from a fictional horror, Stepford Wives and all that.

SomewhereIBelong · 05/05/2015 16:01

"'Total happiness' sounds like it is from a fictional horror"

that was my first thought too - then I thought life would be D-U-L-L - you need to have the lows to get high... (unless drugs are involved!)