Aibu to leave dealings with ils to DH

[DanTheNeilDiamond]

ILs and I have never had a falling out but they get on my wick.

They're very negative & nasty about everyone in the family except DH, DS1 & DS2.

The first few years I was with DH I sent emails with pics once a week, sent the birthday, Mother's Day, Fathers Day cards etc, encouraged (nagged) DH to call them & keep in touch.

Some things happened so I stopped. They started complaining that I was in more contact with my family (who live in a different country). Started asking how often I speak to my parents and sister, DH should be speaking to them at least as much.

I FaceTime with my parents and sis a lot, prob every second day, not set times, randomly, DH often not even part of it, so they get to speak to my son's a lot and see what they're up to at different times of the day. ILs saw this and wanted to skype with us at a set time every Weds and Sun, all of us present.

The weekend they demanded that I heard them making fun of my dad ?? that they didn't want to sit in the car with him when he visited because of his weight.

So I thought, feck them.

Told them they wouldn't have to worry about sitting with Dad and from now on all contact would be with DH not me.

To be fair, these are their good points:
They've both apologised a few times over what they said about Dad, acknowledged how hurtful they'd been. They're always lovely to my parents when they come.(albeit fake)
They love DC and are loved back, are respectful of any rules we have regarding them.
They're very generous.

The way things now are that DH is in charge of emails, cards, calls to them. I'll respond to emails or calls civilly but don't make them first.

When they come to stay, they live a few hours away, I've asked DH to be here or with them all the time. They used to come Mon - Fri and stay in the house with DC and I while DH worked, now DH encourages them to come at the weekend and I ask him to take time off work to be here with them if they come during the week.

DH will put off calling them, often forget birthdays etc, he's told them to come weekends but they continue to come during the week so it affects his work (not that much he works for himself)

He's getting sick of it and has said I'm being petty. What do you think?

bedraggledmumoftwo obligation calls is exactly what they are.

The Skype calls are a nightmare, all of us looking at each other, looonnnng silences, tumble weeds rolling by, then eventually I'll ask a question to keep the conversation going. It's like pulling teeth.

Which is why I don't get involved anymore, if I'm passing I'll wave and say a quick hello, how are you.

I have never gone down the route of making unnecessary wife work for myself by becoming my husbands social secretary. I phone my family and sort out their presents and he does his. My in laws are nice but are my husbands parents not mine. If they asked me how often I saw my dad and tried to turn it in to a competition I would be vague and probably rude although my husband sees them more as my dad is much further away but thankfully has his own life to get on with.

If there are long silences your husband should just say "looks like we've all ran out of news" and end it. It takes 2 to have long dreary conversations

If their son doesn't want to spend the same amount of time on the phone or Skype to them as you do with your family, that is down to his upbringing by them and his relationship with them.

Although it's a massive generalisation, it may also be down in part just to the fact that he's male. I leave dealing with the in-laws to my DH, but even so MiL complains (to him) that she gets much more of the important and interesting information about the DC from me. I've heard him having inane conversations with her full of, largely, nothing, and it's only as he's putting the phone down that he remembers, after I've prompted him, that maybe she'd like to hear about a DC's concert or exam result or illness.