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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave my 7 yo in bed?

50 replies

DorisLessingsCat · 03/05/2015 09:30

She's got books, toys and the iPad. She's enjoying the laziness. And I'm enjoying pottering around by myself.

DH is away this weekend but when he's here we are all hustled out of bed by 8 am at the latest, and harangued into having a wholesome family breakfast.

We have lots of activities planned for this afternoon, so it doesn't really matter that she doesn't have breakfast until she actually decides she wants to?

OP posts:

pointythings · 03/05/2015 11:03

Queen did you miss this bit in the OP:

I do refuse to get up but he's destroyed my calm by the time I have to defend my loafing time.

OP has to defend her loafing time. Clearly nice hasn't worked.

Fairenuff · 03/05/2015 11:05

You are right about things changing when your dd is a teenager though OP. Do you want her grow up under the shadow of his 'displeasure'? He needs to have a good think about why he thinks his needs are more important than yours or hers.

My dh is also active and would love us all to have breakfast together but that's not going to happen and he understands that we are all individuals and prefer different things. He's out on his bike and will go swimming before he returns.

Dd is still in pjs and hasn't had breakfast yet. Ds has taken toast back up to his room. We are all happy doing our own thing and will come together later in the day. No-one is showing displeasure about another's choices.

QueenBean · 03/05/2015 11:05

No, I didn't miss it. But the OP is perfectly aware of how her husband is behaving - why are a load of people piling in having a go about him going to help?

Original poster

DorisLessingsCat · 03/05/2015 11:07

What does he do to relax? Activity mostly - gardening, sport, volunteer conservation work... He is a FT SAHP and fills ALL of his time.

I am FT WOHP and an introvert so I need peace to recharge

OP posts:

mrsdavidbowie · 03/05/2015 11:09

Oh god ex h was like this.
What are our plans today??? He'd say at the weekend.
Had to be out by 7 doing stuff even on a Sunday.

TwinkieTwinkle · 03/05/2015 11:09

For goodness sake. Some people go so over the top. Hope you enjoyed your lazy morning OP. I wish DS would have a long lie! If he wakes before 8 on a Sunday he's got books, iPad, computer to play with, or comes and has a snuggle with me. Sometimes it's nice to relax and faff.

mousmous · 03/05/2015 11:10

sounds lovely. so relaxed.

my dad is a bit like your dh. family breakfast at silly o'clock. urgh.
we only have lunch and dinner together, before that everyone finds their own food at a time that suits them.

Purplepixiedust · 03/05/2015 11:12

Me and my 8 yo are still in bed! My bed now, though he was in his own for a while. We have had breakfast in bed. I am gong to read some Harry Potter to him in a minute. We might get up about noon ??

I love lazy mornings when we don't have to be anywhere although it is quite rare for us to be this late. Enjoy the peace while you have the opportunity.

arethereanyleftatall · 03/05/2015 11:19

Op, if he likes activity and you like a bit of peace, then there's surely a compromise to be had? Your desires and your children's are as valid as his. Take turns, one weekend day busy, one relaxed. Or, he gets up, does an activity, and you can all enjoy a wholesome breakfast together at 10.
Queen - I think the responses were aggressive because posters got upset on the ops behalf that she gets no choice in how weekends are spent.
The fact that she even had to ask whether this was ok or not speaks volumes.

Szeli · 03/05/2015 11:24

DH and DS(2) are still snoozing. I got a call to say I wasn't needed at church this morning so I'm relishing lazy MN time in bed. Beats leaving the house for 630 through the week.

Everyone is much happier when they wake naturally, DM keeps telling me I'm 'not being fair' to DS letting him sleep in because of school (in 3 years!) I'll deal with that closer to the time thanks!

Aw he's up now, I can hear him reading to his teddies will leave him til he wants me. Kids don't need tou constantly!

hidingfromthem · 03/05/2015 11:27

your husband is a controlling bully.
what other stuff does he force you to do?
aren't you worried about what he might force your children into in the future?

gamerchick · 03/05/2015 11:31

Oh good grief! We'll be getting LTB in the next couple of pages at this rate.

Original poster

DorisLessingsCat · 03/05/2015 11:34

It's a fantastic trait to have around small children, where we all had to be up at silly o'clock to amuse the toddler. Now school days are so busy DD likes a bit of loafing.

I don't agree he's a controlling bully, or that this is a dire indictment of him or my marriage. And no one can possibly know that from the information I've given out on this thread.

But yes, it's unattractive behaviour and I can and do challenge it.

Off to feed the ducks now - thanks all and happy loafing.

OP posts:

Jackieharris · 03/05/2015 11:36

How can he be a ft sahp when you just have one 7yo?

It sounds likes he bored and needs a job!

Bullying the two of you up and out at the weekends just because he sounds bored and lonely isn't a solution!

Original poster

DorisLessingsCat · 03/05/2015 11:45

Jackie I was slightly unfair. We have a small business that he supports that takes a few hours a week (I also work at it alongside my FT job). He supports elderly relatives living near by.

We don't need the money. Re keeping busy, he is a bit of a community stalwart, spending about 20 hours a week volunteering for the school and community groups.

OP posts:

crazykat · 03/05/2015 11:48

I'd leave her. We usually have weekend mornings like that as we're all up at half six or earlier during the week so we have lazy weekends when we can to recharge and enjoy not having to do anything.

If my dh insisted everyone was up and eating breakfast every weekend he'd be given what for. Thankfully he's like me and likes to chill out at the weekend after a week of early starts.

Children spend enough time being woken up early during the week for school. Imo the weekends are for relaxing after a busy and structured week.

TwinkieTwinkle · 03/05/2015 11:49

If anyone made that comment about a SAHM JackieHarris there would be an absolute outcry. Why does only having one child make it weird he is a full time sahp? He takes care of the household, does things within the community. Why is that acceptable for a woman but not a man?

RubyMay82 · 03/05/2015 11:52

I can't wait for long lies!

We were out all day yesterday at the beach as it was fine weather,

Today however it's blowing a hoolie & lashing rain,
We have been to the shop for a peppa mag & are already on round 2 of the jungle book
Sunday is meant to be a lazy day!!

arethereanyleftatall · 03/05/2015 17:09

Why did you all have to be up at silly o'clock with your toddler? Why didn't he just do it, if he likes to, and you sleep in?
And why do you help at all with the business?
You seem to be defending him at every turn, but every time you post, there's another red flag for everyone else.

Charley50 · 03/05/2015 18:21

Coe blimey keep yet hair on guys! If he was lying in bed til lunchtime every Sunday doing f-all with the DC everyone would be saying LTB. Now it's also a crime to get up early and make breakfast. Yeah he's a bit over zealous but it's not exactly controlling.

girliefriend · 03/05/2015 18:28

I wish dd would lounge in bed till 9am, she seems to get up earlier at wends than during the week. However she is very good (9yo) and doesn't interrupt my lie in she is quite happy to get her own breakfast and watch cbbc on her own.

Original poster

DorisLessingsCat · 03/05/2015 18:29

arethereanyleftatall when DD was small I actually saw it as my job to get up with her at the weekend as DH dealt with her all week. Plus, you know, I wanted to spend some time with my child

Re the business, he does all the hands on stuff, I do the admin and accounts because that's our respective skill sets. It was my idea to set the business up in the first place.

OP posts:

maroonedwithfour · 03/05/2015 18:29

I would disagree, it could well be controlling.

Original poster

DorisLessingsCat · 03/05/2015 18:34

Charley50 spot on.

He was a dream dad in the early years, woke for every single night feed even when I was BF and did the nappy change/back to bed so I just had to feed and sleep.

He has more energy than anyone I know.

OP posts:

PlaydoughGirl · 03/05/2015 18:55

I'm jealous. My 8yo DS has never slept past 6.30 am his life, and its usually closer to the 5.45am mark. We've been attempting to teach him that it's bad form to wake sleeping parents/siblings, but the message doesn't seem to be getting through.
Enjoy your lie-in. It sounds wonderful!

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