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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be feeling sad and a bit sorry for myself?

48 replies

cinnamonwalnuts · 02/05/2015 22:14

Went out for some drinks with some friends tonight who I love dearly but as I was sat there chatting I was struck by the difference between my life and theirs.

They are all married, or in serious relationships, either with children or with children in the 'two year plan.'

Unfortunately, I've had NO luck with dating, with meeting anyone or with relationships and, to be blunt, doubt I ever will. The only opportunities I may get are online and I am a VERY ordinary looking woman. As such, I get no interest bar the odd 'hi' from unemployed men in their 50s (am 34, nearly 35).

For the most part I manage to remain cheerful and confident but just every now and again it does get to me and tonight it is, for some reason.

(Please, don't try to 'chivy' me up by telling me what I should do online to get noticed! I know it's just my face/body - latter in particular! - that aren't attractive.)

OP posts:

Original poster

cinnamonwalnuts · 03/05/2015 21:25

Well, I've pretty much accepted it won't happen - I mean there is ordinary and there is ugly!

OP posts:

ImNameyChangey · 03/05/2015 21:29

I know LOADS of ordinary looking women who have partners OP! Be more positive about yourself.

Original poster

cinnamonwalnuts · 03/05/2015 21:31

Well yeah - but - they aren't interested!

I mean I'm trying to be positive. I do think I'm funny, kind, cheerful and friendly and in many ways I'm a good catch but men have never been interested in me and if I am honest I know it's because of how I look. It does make me a little sad that I'm not going to experience marriage or children or growing old with someone I care about.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 03/05/2015 21:32

What are your "good/best" features???? I'm not good lucking at all. I have nice legs so I show them!

I have zero waist, am overweight, am pale, short, erm "ugly" but I dress well (i.e. what I look good in) and well enjoy that.

Rebelheart · 03/05/2015 21:36

People usually couple up with someone who is similar in attractiveness to them. I do believe there is someone for everyone.

mayfridaycomequickly · 03/05/2015 21:38

What did you say in your online dating profile? I had a few dates with a bloke who wasn't very handsome because his profile was really witty and he was very warm and chatty. It didn't work out more because of distance tbh but I found his profile really attractive.

liquidstatebacktowork · 03/05/2015 21:45

I was single for years and years and years. Had a social life but only because all my friends were 10 years younger than me (everyone my age had children and didnt go out) and not interested in settling down. Went speed dating at 38 for a laugh and met my DH. It will happen, so dont dissmiss yourself yet.

In the meantime I hear the best way to meet people, including men, are in social groups based around an activity. Like a film club, running club etc.

Original poster

cinnamonwalnuts · 03/05/2015 21:51

I honestly appreciate what people are saying but I tried OD for years and have only had 3 dates.

I'm nearly 35 and am moving towards acceptance

OP posts:

RandomMess · 03/05/2015 21:55

So long as you're living life and 90% of the time feeling joy that is great

umbongoumbongo · 03/05/2015 22:00

I've been there. Don't worry; I'd describe myself as pretty ordinary looking and spent 3 years with someone who made me feel 'large and lazy' and waiting for him to make a move on our relationship ie. sell/move house to a mutual house (I'd rented mine to live at his) and so on and got fed up of married friends asking when he would propose. In the end I got fed up as it was going nowhere/everything based around him so ended it and decided to just stay single and do my own thing. It was a bit scary walking out.

I did some online dating more for finding someone for some fun times once a week and maybe the odd meal out as had decided I didn't want anything serious after all the heartache and ended up quite unexpectedly meeting my new partner who is very nice and had had a difficult divorce a few years ago. We are just moving in together and already discussing future plans. I'm early 30's so well behind my peers after several crappy relationships too. Just don't worry too much about it or try to measure up/compare yourself to others. It can be really disheartening I know always being the one going home alone and having to be the chirpy solo 'aunty' at kids birthday parties and stuff like that but actually it really is luck and you never know when someone will pop up for you. Just try lots of new activities as others have suggested and be happy in your own skin and the rest will follow!

Original poster

cinnamonwalnuts · 03/05/2015 22:03

My life is quite fun!

I just sometimes get all morose and sorry for myself and need a kick up the arse a reminder that not being one of the beautiful people isn't the end of the world!

OP posts:

umbongoumbongo · 03/05/2015 23:04

It's just finding someone who likes you just as you are! I still fall over backwards when I say I am planning on losing weight (more for my horse than vanity!) and new DP says well not too much as I like your curves ha ha. Sounds like you are pretty happy in general!

OwlinaTree · 04/05/2015 00:02

Glad you are OK op. You seem pretty upbeat. Get a dog. You will get loads of people chatting to you when you are out walking it, and you can join dog behaving classes etc.

Original poster

cinnamonwalnuts · 04/05/2015 07:00

I have one

OP posts:

OwlinaTree · 04/05/2015 19:37

Curses!

RandomMess · 04/05/2015 19:42

SIL is really attractive, she ended up married to an abusive arse. Finally left him - darted some more arses. Still doesn't seem happy with the latest relationship...

Donthate · 04/05/2015 19:54

If you lack confidence in your looks maybe men can see that. Think you are fabulous and it will show. Also which online dating sites have you tried and where in the uk are you? Maybe one of us has an eligible friend. Sorry you are feeling a bit shit.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/05/2015 19:54

Do you have nice friends OP? How about telling all your nice friends they have to get you a blind date with at least two decent single guys that they know. If you want to be in a relationship, and online dating is not working out for you, then you really need to try a different tack.

whois · 04/05/2015 19:54

Sorry you're feeling low OP. Its hard when life doesn't work out the way you thought/planned.

LapsedTwentysomething · 04/05/2015 20:29

A friend of a friend is eternally single, but fairly recently adopted twins. Just saying

Original poster

cinnamonwalnuts · 04/05/2015 21:05

Thanks, but I'm honestly not looking now - too mortifying being rejected over and over

OP posts:

esiotrot2015 · 05/05/2015 07:06

35 is no age at all

My best friend meet her husband at 37, married at 39, just had first baby at 40

Mitzi50 · 05/05/2015 07:35

Rather than OD, have you considered joining a social group (something like IVC) with a mix of singles and couples - if you found the right one, there'd be no pressure to "date" and worst ways, you might meet some new single friends of both sexes.

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