I want to wake DP up

[BunnyLebowski]

but I suspect I'm just jealous.

DP went out straight from work yesterday. Spent the evening drinking, dancing and talking to fellow adults. Got home at almost 4am.

I was at home with 6yr old DD and 8 month old DS. Baby is breastfeeding (he's a rough bitey feeder, not sure my nipples will survive in tact), teething and experiencing separation anxiety if I so much as attempt to go for a pee. He didn't go to sleep till 11pm. I poured myself a at about 9pm and ended up pouring it back in the bottle when I realised I wasn't going to get the chance to relax and enjoy it.

DP fell asleep on DD's bed meaning I'm once again feeding them and dealing with their every request and need.

Would I be mean to wake him up? It's been an hour and a half.

I think I'm pissed off because he takes me for granted re: the kids. It could be much worse but he gets in a stupid flap if I leave the house for more than an hour. The only time I DO leave the house is to go to the gym or walk the dog but I feel like I'm on a timer when I do. And he does the whole martyr routine when I get back "Oh he was awful. He screamed the whole time". Boo frickin hoo.

I co-sleep with DS so DP gets a full nights sleep every night in another room.

Right now I wish I could get dressed up and go out for the night and throw my bloody phone in a ditch and leave him to it. Sigh.

I'm being a bitter old cow aren't I?

No you are not being bitter
I would wake him up and make damn sure he does his bit to settle the DC's and let you relax as much as you can.

No you're not he gets no sympathy for a self inflicted hangover. Could you express milk and have an evening out?

Wake him up? I would of threw a bucket of freezing cold water over him hours ago.

He is taking the piss!

He gets upset you leave the house for more than an hour? I think you got bigger problems...

Nope, not BU at all, he deserves to be woken up and to have to spend the evening giving you a break, not having some kind of teenage weekend to himself.

DH and I both have nights out like that, but we also have an unspoken rule that we give the other a couple of hours extra sleep in the morning and that's it; if your hangover extends beyond that (and mine are always 3 day ones, because I'm old) it's tough luck, you don't opt out of family time. Pop the children next to him, wake him up and tell him you're off for a lovely long bath with a glass of wine. Naughty bugger.

Yes, you do have bigger problems.

Do get out if you feel like it.
Express your sympathy when he complains about the children and mention how they were during the day or the last time you were left alone with them.

He doesn't get upset Rebecca. It's more just being a bit het up and stressy like he can't cope with the DC when he is a completely rational and capable person who can. Maybe it's borne of a fear of DS kicking off and it only being me (and my boobs) that can comfort him. But at 8 months I'd have hoped to be past that stage .

The bf-ing, co-sleeping were my decisions and I stand by them. I just feel a wee bit envious of people who can leave bottles and head off for the night. DS refuses to take any sort of bottle or cup (we've tried about 10 different kinds) so I'm kinda stuck. I feel like trying to the right thing for my baby has come with huge sacrifices from me. Probably the same for lots of mums.

Yes, wake him up, tell him he's in charge - including cooking this evening - while you relax and have that glass of wine.

Ugh. A grown man falling asleep hungover in his child's bed. How horrible.

Tell him to get a bloody grip.

Kick him out of the child's bed. He shouldn't be falling asleep there, and I assume you'll be wanting her to go to bed in the next hour or two.

I find it hard to muster up any sympathy for hangovers, I must say.

I woke him up. By plopping grumbling DS beside him and saying "Time to get up".

I also told him he had taken serious advantage and that if I had the option I'd be off out tonight.
I'm now sitting with my glass of wine, cheese and biscuits while he sorts the DCs dinner.

Him sleeping in DD's bed wasn't a big deal to me. We were all in there tidying up and he dozed off in about 5 seconds once we were done. DD has been happily crafting at the table all afternoon. He isn't rotten hungover (I know when he is as he invariably gets spots around his eyes - about once a year before anyone cries alcoholic). I genuinely think he was just tried from the late night. Still absolutely taking the piss though, I'm not backtracking on that.

I need to sort going out options and work on getting DS off the boob.

Thanks for listening to me vent .

DH here was a bit crap with DS2 when he was a baby. Once I stopped BFing DH felt much more confident and I think built up a bit more of a bond in terms of feeling as though he could comfort him. As a newborn DS2 would only sleep on my chest or next to me, so the first few months I pretty much did nothing that didn't involve having him attached (god bless the inventor of slings, or I'd have ended up with arms like Thor). It sucks, and all I can say is it does get better.

I don't think you've necessarily got huge problems because if it. Perhaps just letting them spend time together and telling him that, actually, it's bloody hard work for you, too. It might be a generalisation but for some men they see the Mother keeping everything together and assume that you know exactly what you're doing. I had no idea with either of the DCs, we just winged it. But on the outside I probably looked calm and relaxed.

The reason he gets in a flap when you go out is so that, subconsciously, the next time you want to go to the gym or walk the dog, you feel it would just be easier if you didn't. It's unfair, unkind and controlling.

If he's an otherwise capable and competent human being, he can be with two children - HIS children - on his own for an hour or however long needs be. Of course it can be hard work, that's why you fancy a break away from it all.

I'd have it out with him. The out all night/hangover issue is just an extension of the getting in a flap business. Why exactly did he say he wanted to have children ?