to waste time researching whether I had fetal alcohol syndrome?

[PointlessInfo]

I'm fifty. I had the radio on the other day, and a woman who was born with fetal alcohol syndrome was talking - and suddenly I was listening. It was like a shock of water over my head.

Both my parents (both now dead) were alcoholics. My mum died of cirrhosis. I'm the youngest, and my eldest sibling remembers how much my mum drank when she was preg with me - it was a family joke: "I think baby fancies a gin". Another family joke was the midwives ushering a cocktail party in full swing out of my mum's hospital room when she went in to have me. (It was the sixties, after all.) I've never thought much of it before, or connected FAS with me.

When I was small, most white people assumed I was part Chinese - I had distinct epicanthal folds to my eyes. I also have a flat philtrum, and quite a flat face. (Big head, though, which is atypical for FAS.) It's really, really noticeable in old photos, and I'm the only one who had these features, but I just thought it a genetic quirk. The distinctive look sort of wore off when I hit puberty (apart from the epicanthal folds.)

There's other things which make me go hmmmm, too, but I don't want to go too much into them - mainly IQ and behavioural things.

Thing is: does it matter? I'm middle-aged, my mum is dead, there's nobody to tell (why would it be of interest to friends and family?) and nothing that can be fixed. But it seems to make sense to me. I don't know what to do with this, and I feel a bit stupid even considering that it matters at all.

Of course it matters op.

I would absolutly go to your gp and discuss what you may have found. He may have some information on it or be able to point you in the right direction

No, not at all, Jeanne! I've heard a little about epigenetics (although not in this context), so that's another thing to consider.

The epigenetics route is, i think, the thing that has the power to shake me, if I'd passed something onto my son - gave him damaged hardware even if I'd done my best to make sure his software was sound. I know perfectly well this is an unreasonable position for me to take (lots and lots of people have inherited conditions - you could argue that everyone is an inherited condition - and it isn't the end of the world), so perhaps this is part of what I need help in managing then walking away from.

Jane there's a big slice of me that agrees with you, and it's pretty much how I've lived my life so far. I just feel rather blindsided by this, so even just writing in this thread is helping me understand that it does matter to me, and maybe I do need to look into it, then get a bit of help in letting it go.

And I have to also keep in mind that this is all speculation, anyway. It just seems to fit.

Shockers I am glad your child has a neurologist, and I am glad they have you!

I might try AlAnon again, MrsTerry, as I suspect the training for helplines has advanced quite a bit in the last 25 years, and if there's a pool of people who have considered if they have FAS themselves, it'll be there.

Thanks, everyone.

There's something else, OP, called Fetal Alcohol Effect, the 'mild' version of FAS. Keep in mind it's contentious, but mostly accepted as a real thing.

FAS is usually so severe that you couldn't type such articulate posts. But FAE probably still affected you and might explain all sorts of things you've had to live with. People like to be able to explain themselves & their lives, yanbu.

Where I partially agree with Jane's 'work with what you've got' thing, I feel you need to know what you've got in order to work with it. With the other possible side effects of FAS (such as the heart conditions), I think it's worth having a chat with a doctor so that they can firstly gauge whether or not you do have FAS (from what I remember, it's not an exact science) and secondly, whether there's a possibility that other organs might be affected and how.

Either way though, it doesn't change who you are...you're still the same you that you have been all these years. Try to think of it as checking the state of your hardware . The software has stayed the same.

Good luck OP. Is your son happy and healthy, mostly? Because it's not helpful to catastrophise when everything is muddling along just fine.

FAS is usually so severe that you couldn't type such articulate posts.

I was thinking that. The children I knew who had it had many skills but I don't expect that they would have been able to write as well as the op, even at 50.

I think the greatest reasons to go to a gp and raise your concern are your own future health - are there any health implications for you as you age - any health precautions or screening you might want to undergo, your mental health - so counselling would be a good start - you sound pretty open minded and having become a strong independent woman and a mother you have the emotional grounding and family support and then your query about impacts on dc - hopefully minimal to nothing if indeed you have been born with FAS but worth raising

ragged and pipbin - that's weirdly reassuring, thank you!

MrsTerryP I do know that, certainly intellectually if not quite emotionally yet. One thing that helps me keep a sense of perspective is that another elder sibling was physically affected in early childhood - not by FAS as far as any of us know, but by poor nutrition. He's never made a fuss, is very successful, has brilliant kids (who loom hugely over him, so seems to have dodged any epigenetic bullets there) and I would be astonished if he ever started an interwebs thread about His Tragic Past, etc etc.

There are some assessment clinics in Australia now where kids who have some difficulties and who have likely been exposed to alcohol in utero are assessed for FAS (or FAE). I don't know exactly what it entails but as well as looking for facial features etc (that may necessarily not be there) there's also a whole lot of psychometric testing specially looking for the defects that alcohol exposure causes (poor concentration, distractability, poor executive functioning etc). Even if there's nothing like that where you live maybe a psychologist who works with kids with the disorder could help with the diagnosis?

I'd want to know too. Presumably you're wondering because you had some difficulties and I'm the kind of person who likes a reason for things.