Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want DP to be on his ex's Medicare (national health) card?

8 replies

whiteiris · 01/05/2015 14:03

In Australia where I live, Medicare is our national health care, I'm guessing it's a rough equivalent of your NHS. We all have a Medicare card, which is commonly asked for at any sort of medical appointment and used as identification for other purposes.

I have my kids on my card, but often spouses/partners are on the same card as well. The card lists the names.

My DP uses a card that lists his (ex) wife's name as well as his. (They are not divorced yet and I've sought advice on here about that previously). They have been separated almost 5 years. DP and I have lived together just over 2 years, we have one child together, and both consider this a forever relationship.

As well as asking him to get divorced, I've asked him to get his own Medicare card, as I feel unhappy about him having a shared one with his wife. I went to get the mail last year and there was a replacement card for him (they expire every few years and are automatically replaced) with ex wife as the addressee (she's the primary card holder). I don't like finding mail to his ex wife in my post box.

I also find it embarrassing - last year he was asked to present his card at a new employer for sign on. I consult to same company, we are known to be partners, but he is showing ID with him and ex wife listed together.

It also has implications for safety net cutoffs (higher rebate when your out of pocket medical expenses reach a certain level)- these can be taken as a family limit, which means that if one family member has a lot of out of pocket expenses in a year, other family members can also get a higher rebate, but I don't want to risk my medical details being shared with ex wife as they share the same number.

He's agreed to get his own card, but begrudgingly. And I don't know if he will follow through.

AIBU and controlling?

OP posts:
mynewpassion · 01/05/2015 14:29

Yep that would be embarrassing. People thinking that you are the other woman.

Divorce first and that should take care of everything, don't you think? I can't understand why he would not divorce her or she divorce him. Must be beneficial to stay married even after 5 years separation.

hibbledibble · 01/05/2015 15:30

It would ring alarm bells to me that he isn't divorced now after 5 years.

The card is only part of the problem.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 01/05/2015 16:02

So in 5 years, he's not sorted out a simple administrative thing like that? I'm fairly good at procrastination but not even nearly in his league. Is there any particular reason he doesn't want to do it?

FenellaFellorick · 01/05/2015 16:04

why doesn't he want to divorce her or get a separate card?

Or rather, ask him why he wants to remain married to her and why he wants to continue to be on a shared card.

WorraLiberty · 01/05/2015 16:06

YANBU

And I can't believe you actually had to ask him to get divorced, when you both have a child together.

whiteiris · 01/05/2015 22:27

Yes he is doing the divorce begrudgingly as I said otherwise we could go back to living separately and being girlfriend and boyfriend. I'm choosing to believe he's just lazy/selfish etc and would rather not do something expensive/tedious if he can get away with not doing it.

He said that it's not a big issue to him.

I still feel guilty though! !!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/05/2015 22:30

Well of course it's not a big issue to him

You're the one who's had a baby with someone else's husband.

If that matters to you, then it bloody well should matter to him and this medical card business too.

pressone · 01/05/2015 22:36

I was living with may partner for ages before I actually got round to divorcing my ex husband. I was too mean to pay a solicitor to do what I could do perfectly well myself for free, but too busy living my new life to faff about for a piece of paper that told me something I already knew - that I had moved on with my life.

We actually divorced on two years separation, both agree, but it was only a few moths shy of five years that it was all finalised.

The three of us didn't care, and nobody else's opinion on my marital status is worth anything to me.

There was absolutely nothing sinister in it - it just wasn't a big deal to me.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread