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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you how easy it is to marry a Muslim guy from another country?

47 replies

ikeepchachachanging · 01/05/2015 12:40

My friend has falleñ in love with a guy from Dubai. She's English but needs to move back to UK. She says its frowned upon for non Muslims to marry other religions over there and they both want to settle in UK. She's worried this process is hard. Can they marry easily in UK or would they need to marry first in Dubai? She's unwilling to change her own religion.

Any advice appreciated.

Sorry, am posting here for traffic.

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 01/05/2015 20:04

I don't know much about Dubai as a culture but my XH is Muslim and it didn't cause difficulties per se but his sense of entitlement and lack of engagement with domestic matters killed it, and that was definitely due to his upbringing as a boy in a family of women who all adhered to strict gender roles.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 01/05/2015 20:32

I would say that he wants to settle in the UK and is willing to marry anyone, but I am extremely cynical of these scenarios. I have known of loads of women to fall for this trick (I am Muslim) and the marriage goes belly up and ends up in divorce. These men wouldn't want their own sisters falling in love and choosing partners of their own choice but are quite willing to do so themselves to better their own circumstances.

I wouldn't advise it if I were you but discouraging her will make her more determined to do it, best to advise her to be engaged for a year to convince the authorities of a 'genuine relationship' before marrying. Hopefully she will see how difficult it is to bring him over and give up on the idea before she signs her whole life away. If she does marry him, then she needs all her property/assets to be ring fenced and protected before she marries him.

She needs to adopt a clinical head but being in 'love' she won't and no doubt he will say the right things to keep her on board.

Patapouf · 01/05/2015 21:51

I really don't think that's fair MsAsprey not everyone wants to move to the UK, contrary to what the DM would like you to believe. Where did the OP say he wanted to move here?

Length of engagement makes fuck all difference to a spouse visa application btw.

Smallblackcat2 · 01/05/2015 22:05

I thought there was UAE rule men to marry UAE women for their 'first marriages'? There are agencies that arrange sham first marriages for men wanting to marry non UAE women for a year and then divorce.

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 01/05/2015 22:28

Where did the OP say he wanted to move here?

Here:

She says its frowned upon for non Muslims to marry other religions over there and they both want to settle in UK

So it seems he does want to settle here.

Viviennemary · 01/05/2015 22:31

I'd say it's unlikely he will marry her. The family pressure will be too strong against it.

Patapouf · 02/05/2015 23:16

Yes, because she wants to not because he does.

SeenSheen · 02/05/2015 23:36

Have a look at UKresident.com there's lots of info and forums specifically for spouse visa issues.

If it's genuine and she has enough money then it should be straightforward.

UncleT · 03/05/2015 00:49

Why all the spouse visa talk? The question refers to getting married in the UK. A marriage visa is required for that. Leave to remain is then further applied for in country.

Coyoacan · 03/05/2015 01:18

I don't know about the immigration problem, but, IMHO, she needs to ask for a dowry and get advice about how much dowry to ask for.

My brother is an imam in England and often gets calls from men from the middle east looking to marry English girls as the dowries are so extremely high in the middle east. The dowry protects the bride and is essential.

Mumbehavingbadly · 03/05/2015 05:43

Does British Law not protect the bride? Unless of course she feels a cultural pressure to follow Sharia? If she married here she would have to have a civil/legal ceremony and provided she kept all her assets in her name and any children on her passport why would she need a dowry if the actual marriage was in the UK?

orangutanhihio · 03/05/2015 07:03

Seems a bit odd - she's been visiting him in dubai for 15 years and now they want to marry?! Are you sure it's not a sham? He hasn't fallen out with his friends and relatives or something?

addstudentdinners2 · 03/05/2015 07:05

If his family don't approve, she needs to prepare herself for how difficult it's going to be. I speak from experience!

How long have they known each other?

addstudentdinners2 · 03/05/2015 07:05

Oh sorry just saw 15 yrs!!

HumourlessHarpy · 03/05/2015 07:17

Is he Emirati, OP?

Andrewofgg · 03/05/2015 08:34

It's also been made difficult for an EU national to marry a non-EU national who has not got ILR. Marrying him here while he is here as a visitor is not a viable option. Whether a cross-cultural marriage in Dubai is even legally possible I have no idea but others will.

If you want to consider a civil marriage in a third country check out Cyprus. But remember that while that will be a valid marriage it won't get him into this country - you will still have to jump through all the hoops which others have mentioned.

OnlyThePurpleOnes · 03/05/2015 08:43

If they have a civil service in another country, their marriage will not be recognised in the UAE (if that is where they intend to settle.) They will need to apply to the UAE courts to have their marriage legally recognised, or potentially remarry in a Muslim ceremony.

Florabeebaby · 03/05/2015 08:49

The 15 years, once a year visit is not OP, that's somebody's neighbour.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 03/05/2015 08:49

In those 15 years how many times have he come to the uk to visit her.

Pipbin · 03/05/2015 08:50

It's not the woman in the op who has been visiting for 15 years. The op was replying to a previous post when she said that.

NorahDentressangle · 03/05/2015 09:00

Someone posted My neighbour married a guy from Dubai 15 years ago. She visits him once a year. He has never been allowed into the UK

Nothing to do with the OP.

alteredimages · 03/05/2015 09:16

Generally, I would say it is bloody difficult.

Firstly because it is now so difficult to bring a non EU spouse to the UK. We live in DH's home country because I don't have a hope in hell of being able to bring DH to the UK and I don't want him to miss his kids growing up.

Secondly, and this is by far the more important part, because most Muslim societies view marriage and family in a comprehensively different way to us. A marriage really does connect and bind two families so a lot of stuff ends up being everyone's business. IMO if you don't know and really like your in laws it is not worth it.

The part about it being hard to be a mixed couple in the ME is IME not true, though if your friend is not Christian, Muslim or Jewish this could be an issue.

For me the deciding factors would be

  1. His nationality
  2. His relationship with his family. Are they also in Dubai? Where are they from? Is he keen to introduce them?
  3. Is there a vast disparity in earnings or education?
  4. Does he cook for himself? Would he help around the house? This may sound trivial but when you have two toddlers, a FT job, meals to make and the prince calls you over to pour water from the jug in front of him into the glass in front of him your perspective may change. I have actually seen this happen. The wife was also not allowed to eat until he got home so she wouldn't spoil her appetite and could be called upon 24/7 to prepare further meals if husband didn't fancy eating what was there. Wasn't allowed out.

I would generally steer clear because even if he is great there is such a different perception of basic things that it can make you doubt your sanity. Tiny things become stressful, it just isn't worth it!

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