to have a strop at work to make me less approachable and less likely to put up with shit

[nettlewine]

Because I'm so friendly and helpful I spend alot of time helping others out. I don't mind it but it does get a bit too much sometimes.

There are two other people who are just as able to help, but they are short tempered and not very aporochable. They've had childish passive aggressive tantrums that I wouldn't put up with from my 8 y/o.

I do more work to help others just because I'm kind, but sometimes I feel people take advantage of this and rather than try to work things out come straight to me.

Aibu to have a strop on purpose? To make others help people and for people to at least try to solve the problem themselves before asking me?

Why not try being a grown up and just doing your job in a professional manner?

Don't have a strop on purpose, you're a nice considerate person and should continue you to be like that. If you feel people are taking advantage why not offer quick suggestions first, e.g. "I'm a bit busy at the moment try X" and come back in an hour/tomorrow if that doesn't work".

I think you need to learn to say no!

You don't have to have a strop or pretend to be a horrible person.

If you are 'brave' enough to do that, then you are brave enough to behave assertively. To say no. To say you are too busy. To point them to other people.

Realistically, if you are the sort of person who is so helpful and in your words puts up with shit and gets taken advantage of, are you really going to come here and claim you could throw a fake strop and be unapproachable? And if you could do that, which would be far more difficult than assertive communication, just let people know when you cannot do something.

It doesn't really work. I remember once when I was stressing out about a deadline and people kept interrupting me, even though I closed my office door. It reached a point when I yelled "No, get out!" as the door was opening yet again, only to discover that it was a totally inoffensive new cleaner who was only doing her job. I was absolutely mortified and felt I had to run after her to apologise, which gave me even less time to meet the deadline.

But OP, can you do something like shutting a door or putting up a Do not disturb sign to protect yourself a bit?

No need for a strop, just say no. You can do it kindly, but you have to be firm and remember that you might have to say it more than once to get the message across!

Or develop bitchy resting face. People don't approach me because it looks like I might eat them (apparently). But I am nice really and I don't strop or tantrum. Allows me to duck out of favours though!

I don't strop, but I have worked on being a bit more unapproachable.
I was a doormat at work for years and got sick of it.
Now any extra work I take on is seen as a favour and my colleagues are generally grateful. Before, it was expected and I was miserable.
I try to project friendly, but anything over and above my role is on my terms.

the most successful professional woman I know is excellent at letting people know she will not be available for whatever....she never has a 'strop' to achieve this.

Having great people skills will get you ahead in your career. Its learning to say no nicely without offending, also getting people to do what you want without annoying them too much. The stroppy ones will only do well if they are extremely good at their work and people can overlook their stropping for their ability. If you have good ability plus people skills you will have a good chance of promotion to management or starting your own business.

Don't have a strop, just have boundaries and limits to what you're available to do.

YABU. Just politely explain that you're tied up with your own duties.

Learn to say 'Sorry I'm not able to right now'. Over time it will make you look too busy to approach as you are as you are busy doing your own job. If people approach you frequently it is because you seem you have time. Even if you don't, because you help, they will perceive that you do...

I have the same problem and I am 'too nice'.we have a guynon our team who needs constant spoon feeding and hand holding. He finds to me all the time and I am under a lot of pressure right now. I find it best to say 'what is it?' I listen the. Say 'ok what do you think' because most of they time they know the answer and just want verification. Or I say 'there is process written for this have a look and shout me if you get stuck' or 'do x and y then shout me to do z' and also 'sorry I'm tied up why not speak to xx she/he is great at that'. Helps to show some boundaries.

'I'd love to but am already doing stuff for X, Y and Z.'

Then in future, stop doing it for them and just tell them how they can find out how to do it themselves.

You just need to learn to say no. I was like this for a while - I took on everything because I was led to believe I had no choice. Since learning to say no I've actually found I've been more respected - I still take on extra tasks and stay later sometimes if needed, but it's on MY terms and I'm no longer afraid to say no when I'm asked and it's not convenient.

I noticed that on a different thread, started by somebody having problems finding a new job, you volunteered that your husband never had any problems finding a job in that field and that recruitment consultants were beating his door down.

"friendly, helpful and helping others out" was not the impression you created, I'm afraid.

I've been in a similar position - and in fact missed out on a promotion partly because the perception of me was that I was happy to do more of the shit work than my peer. He blanked anyone who asked him for help, so everyone came to me and I ended up doing his share of the dull stuff, making it hard to justify why I should be more senior, despite the fact that I was doing "good" stuff too.

But at the end of the day, no promotion is worth being an arsehole for, IMO.

That said, the best way to help people is to show them how to find the answer to a question for themselves. If you think they are being lazy, make sure you aren't spoon feeding them too much. And my advice is that you need to make sure that the one person your grumpy colleagues don't ignore is you - I should have done more to force my colleague to pull his weight.