To think it's sad that far too many women seem to have DHs/DPs who don't help with housework or childcare?

[Sansarya]

Recently I've noticed many posts from OPs here and on a few other parenting groups who say this. Unless the DH in questions works extremely long hours or travels a lot for work I think this is really unfair. In some cases the OP has a full time job too but is expected to do everything around the house and for the kids.

Even at weekends some of them stay home with the children while their DH say, swans off to the gym or spends all day cycling. Even worse is that some women seem to think this is just what men are like and it's inevitable that they'll do nothing around the home. It doesn't have to be like that so why do they put up with it?

(I'm not talking about those with abusive husbands of course, that's a completely different kettle of fish.)

Thewordfactory I agree with all that. I am actually surprised by how many people post where their husbands don't do their fair share and many don't mind. 'Fair Share' is different in every household, but I never expected anything different from dh than doing his fair share. Sometimes he works away, so he will do less. But more other weeks. We don't keep score, but I thought sharing running of the house hold was something everyone did.

Agree op, I started a thread a month or so ago asking for advise on putting baby and toddler to bed at the same time and some of the very unhelpful posters were that I had been having 'help' from my DH in the evenings.

What should he have done? Sat downstairs reading a book whilst I put both DDs to bed?

I dont know how some women actually do it all while their DH act like children....and stay sane. I'd go mental.

DH has done 50/50 from day one. He does half the housework, half the cooking, food shopping more than me + we divvy up the kids school activities, clubs and classes, parents evenings etc. the upside of all that apart from the obvious is that the kids will go to him for a cut knee, bedtime story, comfort etc as much as they do me.

I cant inagine how ground down and bored I'd be if I had to do it all.

No, mine doesn't help - that implies that housework and childcare is my job. He does his fair share.

I can't think why they got in that position-right from first knowing them they needed to hand him dish cloths etc.
A lot of women want to be in charge and want it done their way. You do have to leave them in charge to do it their way.
I find the baby the oddest-you are both new to it together and yet the woman becomes the expert and has to tell him how to do things! Just leave him to it-he will cope!

It is very odd that they are said to be 'helping' when they are equal partners who should just do their fair share of it all.
Those in that position should just go away for the weekend and leave him to it. At least go out at bedtime -without issuing instructions about his own children. He is not the sitter!

I don't mind 'helping' if everyone 'helps' to keep the house hold running. Same with mucking in.

But I don't think of DH helping me as if it's all my remit.

I agree with you, OP. I don't see it too often in real life but it is sad.

My almost-SIL (engaged to BIL but not married) is in this position. She's recently gone back to work full time and yet he still expects her to do all of the cooking, cleaning etc. And from what I can gather she does. I'd be telling him to go whistle.

I think my auntie and uncle are the same actually; they both work (in fact I think she does more hours than him) but she does everything in the house.