AIBU to not go to brother's wedding party?

[FeckedUpFamily]

I've Nc'd so as to not out myself

Long story short, I have one brother and parents had a very ugly divorce a few years ago. Me and my DB have always been extremely close, much to SIL's displeasure. Despite me providing regular child care we avoid each other. I am not allowed in her house if she is present and if I keep the kids, she leaves in a taxi separately before I come and then my brother will follow on, when I arrive, in the car.

He visits me regularly (around once a fortnight) and we simply don't discuss her or our parents which works fine and so we've remained just as close. She is also physically abusive to my DB which we don't discuss (I have tried, he knows I know and am here for him but no point in me pushing him away).

Wedding is in 8 weeks. I am totally against it and feel with her regularly beating the crap out of him I am justified in doing so.

But. He is my DB. I love him with all my heart and he has made it plain to me how important it is for me to be there. She has said my DF is uninvited to the wedding (after some made up slight) and my DM is genuinely too ill to go. We have very little extended family so in short, if I don't go he will have no-one from his side (BM and groomsmen are her DBs).

AIBU to not go at all and take my DF out for a nice dinner or something instead or should I suck it up and go support my DB? And if I did, would it be awful for me to go to the ceremony only and not the reception/party afterwards? In the nicest possible way, my intention with this thread it only about attending the wedding. I do all I can re the abuse but really don't want a discussion about it, I've simply put it in to justify my reasons for not wanting to go.

The ceremony only seens a good compromise. You are recognising what, for better our worse, is a serious event in your DB's life, but will not be participating in celebrating it.

Oh no that's a real tough one.

I'm guessing in your heart you really don't want to go. It's sounds like a dreadful situation and I don't blame you at all for not wanting to go.

I think I would go to the ceremony because you are close and it's important to him. If you don't you are one more person she has managed to alienate him from. Don't let her win. Hopefully your brother will realise one day.

My brother was due to get married last year. There were various fallings out between the bride and his family, she was pretty bridezilla. I was still going to go because I wanted to support my brother and I knew he would not forgive me if I didn't. Thankfully he called it off anyway although he did say it wasn't because of the fallings out but I do think it contributed as the first thing he did was contact all those family members and make things right with them.

Go to the ceremony then make your excuses. Your brothers mistakes are his to make and he will need to know he has someone there , whatever.

YABU, and I think you should go, especially as your DB has said he wants you there.

I've been in a similar situation, with my Mum marrying someone who was a drunk and a gambler. I came very close to not going to the wedding. A relative pointed out that if I didn't go, my Mum would probably not forgive me and our relationship would suffer. We were close, obviously I didn't want that. So I put on a smile and went. They divorced a couple of years later and I was able to support my Mum through that.

I completely understand your feelings, but think of it on terms of helping to support your brother, and ensuring your relationship stays close and solid.

Oh apologies! I don't know how I made this thread twice!