to resign myself to the fact that there's no way I can do this degree due to lack of childcare?

[MrsHuxtableReturns]

I'm desperately trying to think of ways to make this work.

I want to do a nursing degree in a couple of years time but I might well be a single parent by then.

DC will be 3 and 5 and in nursery (9-12) and school (9-3) respectively.

The degree has pretty random blocks of uni (mostly 9-3) and placements (whatever shifts the mentor works I believe is the norm).

So I'd need somebody to take over the school run in the mornings on the days that I can't do it and somebody to pick up from school and nursery. During uni blocks I should be home by 4 the latest. The placements are a big unknown. And of course I won't need the same childcare hours on the same days each week (well, during uni blocks I will but not during placements) which makes it all a rather shitty job for a childminder.

Plus I won't have the financial resources to pay for something like a nanny as I'll just have the NHS bursary and ctc.

I'm getting really down about it but there's no way forward with this, is there?

[MrsHuxtableReturns]

Petallic, yes, I've considered the bank work option. i also read that under UC you only need to work 8 hours to qualify for the childcare element but of course that's all very uncertain.

I'm open to other suggestions re obs. I don't want to work with children. I studied for a teaching degree in my home country and I hated the placements so much. It's not for me.

[fairgame]

i did the nursing course as a single parent, i started when ds was 18 months old. I was initially going to rely on ex to have ds for the unsocial hours part but he pulled out a week before i was due to start my first placement
I managed to find an excellent childminder who would have ds between 6am and 10pm. She was the only one in the area that did those sort of hours. My placements were in blocks of 10-12 weeks and i had to work 30 hours per week in placement with 1 study day. It was hard going.
I also had to do 3 weeks worth of night shifts over the course. My friend had ds over night, i picked him up in the morning and took him to to childminders while i slept then i picked him up had my tea with him and took him back to my friends.
After i qualified ds was due to start school. I couldn't use a childminder because it wouldn't have been fair to pick him up from childcare when i finished my shift at 8.30pm. It was fine as a toddler because i could carry him straight into bed but broken sleep wouldn't have helped him when he had to go to school the next day. I ended up moving near my parents and they looked after ds when i was at work because they could be at my house and put him to bed etc.
You need a good support network to be a nurse when you are a single parent because of the odd shift patterns.
I would be wary of relying on your ex if you split as he may not be so helpful if he moves on and meets someone else. That's obviously my experience as my ex is an arsehole, yours might be nice.
The hospitals were quite good at accomodating any shift requests as long as it did the right amount of hours, weekends and night shifts.

[Duckdeamon]

Is ther any prospects of getting experience as a healthcare assistant or in a healthcare environment to see what it's like ? You might not even like it!

[gamerwidow]

Op this is entirely doable with the right cm. My cm has another parent she minds for who is doing a nursing degree. She gets given her times when the parent knows them usually just a week or so in advance and works whatever is needed be it school pick ups/drop offs only or all day for placements in school hols. She starts at 630 on the days and is covering a am placement. I don't think she works past 730pm so evenings and nights possibly a problem but the right cm might do these too.

[MrsHuxtableReturns]

Nursing is just the conclusion I have come to after years of soul searching, talking to friends, research. The plan is what has kept me going over a pretty shitty time recently so if I can find something else, more workable I'd be happy to do that will be fine.

And no, I will not just go for it whatever anyone else said because I can hardly leave my children alone at home. So unless I find reliable childcare to do it, I obviously won't be able to.

Yes, my native language is German but that is being phased out in our local schools. It's all Spanish and French now. Plus, I've done the teaching thing. It's not for me.

[QuintShhhhhh]

No offence to anyone who isn't a resident parent but it's not for our family. At all.

So, let me get this straight, it is good for your family that dad is absent and spiteful, while mum scrambles by every week to find childcare to cover nights, day, evening and whatever shifts she will be given? Meanwhile, the kids wont know who will look after them at any given time, and have very little stability.

Right...

Sure you are not still naive and stupid? Not many people will embark on studies, single parenthood in combination with shiftwork, and children with different childcare needs, abroad and with no family support?

Are you sure nursing is right for you?

[MrsHuxtableReturns]

gamerwidow That's the kind of childminder I need.

I think my husband would not be an arsehole and pull his weight given time. I believe that his current threads are due to feeling hurt. Like I said, if we lived together I have no doubt in my mind it would work.

I'm just feeling very lost at the moment. Because the plan I had (and I'm German, I'm sorry I need a plan) is looking unrealistic now and that scares me. It scares me and stops me from being able to focus on other stuff.

The reason I'm not concerned about the shifts once qualified is because then I'll get financial help with the childcare that I don't get as a student. Both children will only need an afterschool childminder, plus cover for holidays and illness. But between husband, a childminder, friends and myself that should be fine.

[popalot]

It will be similar when you are a nurse - the hours are long and anti-social. You will need family/childminder help.

[MrsHuxtableReturns]

Oh God Quint, I said if stable childcare can't be arranged I won't even start the degree.

[KiaOraOAotearoa]

Ok, how about doing a dental hygienist course? They are in demand, I think. Or podiatry?
Do you guys have an operating department technician course in Scotland? That's shorter than nursing and I'm pretty sure you won't be doing weekends and nights as a student, theatres are a different beast.

[yorkshapudding]

I think your best chance of doing this (and seeing it through for the full three years) is to get your Husband on board. If you can make the split as amicable as possible (easier said than done, I know) it might be the difference between success and failure. It's not just the uni lectures and placement shifts you need to think about. You will have to do many hours of reading, revision and essay writing in your own time in order to pass the course and if your small children are anything like mine you'll need them out of the house to get it done! The early starts, late finishes, weekend shifts etc. mean you will need a childcare arrangement greater flexibility than childminders typically provide. Let's say you're on an early shift. Your Husband would need to agree to you dropping the kids of with him at about 6- 6.30am, so gets them ready, he takes them to school/nursery before he leaves for work then a childminder picks little on up from nursery and if your really lucky and you finish your shift dead on time (rare) you might make it back in time to pick older child up from school but most likely someone else would need to collect. Then the next day you might have a late shift so presumably CM would have to pick them up from nursery and school but Husband would still need to pick them up from CM, give them their tea, put them to bed and either wake them when you return at about 9/10pm or have them overnight. He will also have to cover nights and weekends. Realistically, if you don't have family that can support you will have to rely on him a lot, not just as a student but once you're qualified.

[MrsHuxtableReturns]

I have made such a mess of my life. It really feels not worth living. I really don't want to be a dental hygienist. Maybe I should go back to the whole teaching thing. At least childcare hours would be flexible and I'd have the school holidays.

I need a job with room for progression.

[HagOtheNorth]

Please don't go into teaching, you've already tried it and found it wasn't for you. Life is always messy, and never works out the way you thought it would.

[MrsHuxtableReturns]

I wouldn't mind doing weekends at all. In fact, it would suit me. I'm working weekends just now and it works really well with the DC and husand. I'm with them monday to friday, he's with them saturday and sunday.

[drspouse]

My two nurse friends who have young DCs are both HVs. There's also the practice nurse route or research nurse (one of them did that also).

[MrsHuxtableReturns]

That's what my doctor mum friends keep telling me drspouse.

Practice nurse, HV, research, care home, or just nurse bank work til the DC are older.

But I really don't know anymore. If anything this thread has mad me feel more negative about it.

I'm doing an open science degree at the moment. Not sure if I could do anything with that. I'm just doing it for fun. Will be finished in 2 years.

Life needs to make sense again.

[crabapple34]

If you're still looking for extra grants or bursaries for childcare, try the turn2us grant search. There are thousands of grants available from all kinds of obscure organisations, make sure to search for nursing under occupation.
I would suggest splitting from your husband first and settling into life as a single parent and how you feel in a couple of years. And get some work as a health care assistant. The pay is bad but you can see whether that kind of work suits you.

[Mandatorymongoose]

Are you sure you wouldn't be eligible for anything from student loans? I'm a nursing student (but on secondment so my financial situation is a bit different) but please double check this as I'm pretty sure a lot of my fellow students get various bits and pieces from student loans - parents learning allowance, dependants grant, possibly some childcare? on top of their bursaries even though they aren't entitled to apply for other bits of the student finance package.

[Rebecca2014]

My health visitor got into nursing when her marriage broke down. At the age of 33, a single mum with three children she started her nursing degree. She got an au pair.

I am a single mum and I want to be a nurse, if she can do it with 3 kids. I bloody can do it.

Don't give up on your dream :)

[MrsHuxtableReturns]

This is what money I'd get from the NHS:

6578 normal bursay
3197 dependant's allowance
1305 single parent allowance
1216 childcare allowance

12296 total

I'd then get child tax credits and child benefit (if it still exists by then), possibly housing benefit and I'd be exempt from council tax. possibly maintenance for the kids.

[FantasticRik]

I'm currently in the final year of my nursing degree - in my late 30s and am not the oldest person on my course by a long shot, so please don't think being in your forties will deem you too old.

Whilst I have thoroughly enjoyed my training so far, it is physically and emotionally demanding, and I have needed support from family and friends for childcare. That said, many placement areas have been flexible to a degree with off duty, and requests can be considered. You need to work with your mentor for at least 40% of the time and so I have generally shadowed their work pattern.

Something else is to consider is the amount of academic aspect of the course. As nursing is now degree level there are an awful lot of work to be done at home. Assignments are often due in during placement so I find I'm not only working on placement full time, I am studying on my days off/weekends/evenings etc. My children are older (13 and 9) - therefore at school and I have no idea how those with pre-schoolers manage, but they do.

I would absolutely encourage anyone with the desire to be a nurse to go for it - it was my dream for years and I sometimes can't believe I am where I am however, the course has been much more demanding than I anticipated. IMO I would recommend waiting until your children are a little older and at school so that you have time to study and from speaking with my colleagues this makes a HUGE difference to how manageable the course is. It may also mean that childcare is slightly easier for you.

OP do you have any recent academic experience/healthcare experience? All universities are different however mine requires evidence of both. It may be a good chance to try out nursing/studying whilst your children are small before committing to the degree, and of course to give you a better chance of success when you do apply.

Good luck.

[MrsHuxtableReturns]

Yes, I'm ok at the academic front. I'm doing a science degree in my "spare time" at the moment. So I'm already combining children, working and assignments. I'm not worried about the academic aspect at all.

I was planning to get some care experience over the summer.

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

I know you said that you wanted to stay living where you are but are you sure you don't fancy becoming English? Kids start school at 4 and it sounds like the grants are better.

What is it about nursing that you fancy? You obviously like science? Give me 10 minutes with Google and I'll see if I can think of some "sciencey" type jobs......

[mimishimmi]

I think YABU sorry. If my partner told me that marrying me was a naive and stupid mistake on his part and that he wanted to split and take the kids with him, I sure as hell would not be arranging to provide childcare for them outside of my visitation times either. It is very unreasonable of you to expect that.

As for repeatedly mentioning picking your mum friend's brains, what exactly did you hope from that? That they would gladly drop everything to offer you possibly years of free ad hoc childcare? The best advice they could give, and what they probably did give, would be to find a childminder willing to work with those hours. Yet apparently 70% of childminders aren't good enough for you because they don't treat their mindees as though they were their own kids? Maybe they just try to keep it professional.

I don't think it's childcare availability that's the problem, it's that you don't want there to be any negative financial consequences for your decisions.

[PerspicaciaTick]

I've been thinking long and hard about doing a midwifery degree, but the childcare during placements is insurmountable for me (no money for childcare on nightshifts, no friends, elderly parents, DH who will need to travel with his job regularly to support us all).
I'd love to know the secret for balancing it all.