to ask soon to be ex to pay half childcare

[Purplepoodle]

In the middle of separating. He works away during week. I work pt. 3 kids under 6. I'm staying in house with kids.

We are splitting the mortgage and he will pay maintenance according to csa calculator. Would it be unreasonable to ask him to pay half childcare costs or contribute to them? He won't take any holidays during the year as he is self employed so I do all the childcare inc school hols for eldest 2. Is this cheeky to ask? He doesn't earn a huge wage 25-30k depending on work

Depends really. If he's giving the CMS dictated amount, it should theoretically cover childcare. But in reality, the amount he's told to give won't cover half the costs of raising 3 DC. That said, he's already agreeing to continuing to pay half the mortgage too. On 25-30k a year, you'll probably need to take into consideration the fact that if he pays you half the mortgage, half the childcare costs and the full CSA amount, he may/will struggle getting by. I think however reasonable he is, for that reason alone he'll be resistant to paying you much more.

He doesn't earn a huge wage 25-30k depending on work

That's not a bad wage.

Childcare is expensive. He should contribute - the only thing he can do is say no.

There was a similar thread recently, and the consensus was yabu, I think. But I would say yanbu - I think that 50% of the cost of full time childcare should be a starting point as a CSA figure, before you even start to think about additional costs of raising a child.

That's the only thing that would put resident and non-resident parents on an equal footing when it comes to earning potential. It's not fair that a non resident parent only has to pay 20% or whatever it is of their wages, when the other parent could be paying a fair higher percentage than that on childcare alone, before they even start to think about housing, feeding, clothing, heating, etc.

The reality is that if you add up:

Your pay
His pay

And subtract

Mortgage
Childcare
Your living costs
His living costs (new place, rent)
Child costs

It ends up in the red. Life is expensive.

As a lone parent you will be entitled to 70 percent of your childcare costs paid by the State.

It seems fair to ask him to pay half of the remainder, however he is no obligated to.