Blocked my best friends number

[Peachybanana]

Back in Feb I received a call from my best friend at 5am she was drunk and arguing with her boyfriend, this was not the first time this had happened she was always calling me at unreasonable hours drunk and having an argument with him.

I have lost count of the amount of times she has been black and blue from fighting with him however they always get back together and all is forgotten about.

So anyway back in February when she called me she started screaming down the phone that he was attacking her and asked me to call the police which I did.

The next day the police came and took a statement from me. Last week we were due in court I had to take the day off work, I was there for a few hours and my friend did not turn up so we got sent home with a new court date in a few weeks.

I called her when I got home and she informed me that she decided not to go as she wants to get back with her boyfriend, I was fuming, I tried explaining that she has dragged me into her mess and now I have to take another day off work for nothing as she is not going to turn up again.

Shes 30 and her boyfriend is 22 but he acts 12, hes abusive and immature and this is going to continue happening if they get back together but she doesn't seem to care, I have blocked her number now but im not sure its the right thing to do???

Her own mother said to her that she thinks she loves the drama, she has always been a bit of an attention seeker even before him but I have saw the states he has left her in with her face almost unrecognisable.

The last time before feb was in december and it was that bad she could not attend my 30th in jan because of the state her face was in.

She has admitted that sometimes when they argue she hits him first or throws objects at him however I have never been there when anything happens they never argue or fight in company .

I love her to death and want whats best for her but in all honesty I feel that as long as I still talk to her she sees it as I am in away accepting her being with him. Even although I have told her I dont.

I know that as long as there are bail conditions that he will not be in contact with her as she has tried to contact him an he has not responded. I told her that I was blocking her number and would hopefully see her at court.

If you do block her from calling you, will you still call her? Maybe once a week, fortnight or whatever, so that she knows you still care and she still talk to you but it's more on your terms?
Also Agee with previous poster you could always not answer her calls if they are at inconvenient times eg late at night.

She sounds completely under his spell. It took my mum 16 years to finally walk away from my step dad. In all that time he managed to run all her friends off. I remember her taking us somewhere to escape him. We stayed in this horrible b&b and during the day sitting in a park freezing to bits. It's because she was skint and had no one to turn too. No wonder she went back to him. I remember him saying sorry to us and swearing it wouldn't happen again then taking us out for a "family" meal and seeing my mum sat there staring into space. It wasn't the last time but it was the last time she tried leaving him. I don't blame you for being angry with your friend but she will need you one day. Don't let him deprive her of that.

Prosecution may be able to go ahead without her Co operation depending on what other evidence there is.

You really do need to let the police know. It may be that they or someone like Victim Support can get some sense into her and persuade her to turn up for the hearing.

Criminal lawyer here. Many DV cases are dropped because the victim doesn't turn up, but the CPS are trying to be more proactive and press un, even with an unwilling victim.

One option would be to speak to the officer in the case and tell him you know she won't turn up, and you won't do so unless you are aware that there is a witness summons in place for her, so you don't waste a second court trip. This gives the OIC and CPS time to consider if they want to try and push on and, if so, to apply for a witness summons.

Most DV victims who are witness summonsed go on to give evidence consistent with their original statement. Very few go into the box and say they made it up. Many seem to want the 'protection' of being able to say they were forced into it.

if she's had no contact with him since Febraury then this isn't a case of someone who is finding it difficult to escape an abusive relationship is it? She's had no contact for three months and yet it is her who is fighting to get contact back.

Sounds to me as if she is a drama loving attention seeker and while he sounds like a real bastard and she would be well rid, if she admits that she hits him first and throws things etc in temper it sounds like a mutually violent relationship.

I would cut her off with no hesitation. But not before telling the police the full story.

I was in a similar situation. I met one of my old school friends just after she'd split from her DP after he'd beaten her up the most recent time and fractured her ankle. She told me all about the abuse, including the fact her little boy (aged 6) had got between them and said 'daddy, stop hitting mummy'.

Social services had told her to choose between him and the children so she kicked him out. She'd already lost them to care once and got them back 6 months before.

I then found out she was getting back with him. I couldn't bear to see what she was putting herself and her children through. I knew social services were still actively monitoring them, so hoped that would be enough.

I had just come out of a psych unit after 2 months for depression after losing my husband, home and everything else that I valued, and did not have the capacity to listen to her complain about how he treated her, seeing that she could lose her children again, risking getting hurt again.

I did not have the strength to deal with her issues as well as my own, sad to say. I still have the opinion you can't help others unless you have the strength to deal with your own problems first.

She is a victim of abuse, true. But she is also an alcoholic. She needs to sort that out first. If you were to stay in contact with her (and I don't blame you if you don't) she needs to sort her life out. Go to AA. Get off benefits. Get work. Once she's in a better place mentally then she can deal with the bf. But, it sounds like he's moved on too. I should think he's interested in her for the drinking nights and once she stops that, he'll not come back.