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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand what "Family Days" are

31 replies

fredfredgeorgejnr · 29/04/2015 12:04

Lots of posters talk about how important family days are, seemingly once a week minimum is acceptable, but at the same time posters are saying how they spend so much of the weekend doing nothing or catching up on chores, or shopping, or driving their kids to various activities.

So what are family days, what do you do with toddlers that takes an entire Saturday or Sunday? And is it really every week?

OP posts:
gabsdot45 · 29/04/2015 12:14

My kids are older but for us Saturday is busy with housework, shopping, sports. Sunday is a family day, we got to church, have dinner together and spend time together at home.
Our days out together as a family are usually limited to Bank holidays. Then we'll go and do something together, the zoo, farm, park, etc.

shewept · 29/04/2015 12:19

A family day for us is anything we do together. Watching DVDs, go out somewhere, spend it in the garden, bake or cook together.
All our house work is during the week. But then we work for ourselves and from home so we can.

It doesn't have to be every weekend or even every week, sometimes dh will take one or both kids out and I stay and home, or I will take them. But we generally make sure we have 1 day a week at least all together.

DD is a preteen so I can't imagine it happening, as much in a few years. So I thinks its important to do as much as possible now.

DoraGora · 29/04/2015 12:20

Tends to be National Trust, in the summer.

MirandaWest · 29/04/2015 12:22

I've never thought of a day being specifically a family day. I suppose a day out would be, or other members of the family visiting but I'd never call it that iyswim.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 29/04/2015 12:23

I don't understand why you don't understand Smile. Surely it's a day where you commit to spending the day together as a family, whether that's a day out or a day at home together. We don't have 'family days' specifically as all our weekends are different but I understand the concept.

Nolim · 29/04/2015 12:26

We have weekdays and weekends. Never heard of family days before.

Original poster
fredfredgeorgejnr · 29/04/2015 12:30

I agree with the need to spend time together, it's the day that I don't get, why does it matter if part of the family disappears off for an hour or two to go for a run or shopping or for some peace and quiet. It obviously normally comes when hobbies are being discussed, and often there is a lot of imbalance but why is it about an entire day. Obviously a few activities do take an entire day, but most people don't do those all the time!

And also as much as I see the value of time altogether, I also really see the value of time alone with parent/kid (not least to avoid any idea of there being a default parent!) and trying to cram that, and free time for everyone in the family into a single day at the weekend just makes that extra stressful.

OP posts:
CoolAs10Fonzies · 29/04/2015 12:30

family fun days down the local pub.

something for everyone Wink

clearlyaplasticgnome · 29/04/2015 12:30

I suppose it's a day when people make a conscious effort to do something as a family, eg go to the cinema or the park, as opposed to kids out playing with their friends, dad doing stuff around the house, mum going shopping etc.

Groovee · 29/04/2015 12:37

We very rarely get a weekend when all 4 of us who live in this house are all home. Family time can be watching a film together or heading out to have fun together.

Jackieharris · 29/04/2015 12:39

By the time we all get up and out it's usually 1pm, then to be back for dinner at 6 a day out is really just 4/5 hours.

toomuchtooold · 29/04/2015 12:40

I'm not sure I understand the question but suspect this is because we are somewhat overblessed with toddlers (3 yo twins). Every weekend day is a family day for us! Our kids have just turned 3 and are slowly getting to the point where you can do something with them that is not completely child focused, but until now we've done all housework/shopping/home admin when they were asleep or in childcare. Rhymetime every Saturday, park every Sunday, and neither of us is really nerved to look after them solo...

shewept · 29/04/2015 12:41

It doesn't matter if one disappears for an hour or so.

It would matter if one disappeared for 3-4 hours every weekend day, every week. Because it would mean no days out and the other always being left with the kids on their own every week.

Artandco · 29/04/2015 12:49

For us we work hard mon-fri and are therefore busy. At weekends we have 'family days'. This is typically a meal out, walks in parks, meeting friends included, some activity together.

Ie last weekend,
Sat - chilled in bed together with kids reading, then all out for brunch. Afternoon was walk back through the park, helped kids climb trees, and they raced remote control cars with dh they have been making. Friends over in eve

Sun - we all went out to watch the marathon and went for Sunday lunch. Quick Swim early eve

hashbrownnofilter · 29/04/2015 12:55

A family day for us is a day free of chores and other responsibilities. So every other Sunday it is for us as dd is at her dad's eow and Saturday's are normally a chores, parties, visits day. We have very relaxed rules as it is just about each others company and not worrying about work, school and whether the kitchen needs bleaching! We go geocaching, bowling, hiking and then come home to a family movie and dinner. For me it is important as it gives us, well, a jolly day really to keep our bond strong and our stress levels down. We still enjoy each other on other days but family days are special.

BasinHaircut · 29/04/2015 13:01

They are a day with your family, all together, with no one's own interests taking priority.

They don't have to be the same for everyone though, and im sure they change over time as kids get older etc.

At the moment we have one DS who is 21 months. Family days for us usually involve going somewhere child-focused or doing something that DS will enjoy, eating lunch out somewhere, visiting family or friends etc. We try not to do any chores although we might go into town to buy a birthday present or get DS some new shoes etc.

I suppose for us 'family time' is just where you want to make that time count without the hum drum of every day shit taking over.

FamiliesShareGerms · 29/04/2015 13:04

I

Heels99 · 29/04/2015 13:09

Zoo, Coast, museum, national trust place, meeting up,with friends, day out at local attraction, lunch out, picnic, park, swimming etc. With toddler then farm etc.

BarbarianMum · 29/04/2015 13:11

A day when the 4 of us spend time doing fun things together - a trip to the cinema, the park, a day out, BBQ and a film - whatever. But no friends or wider family and none of the usual day to day chores like taking the kids to X activity, or doing the garden/ironing/cleaning/shopping.

DarkHeart · 29/04/2015 13:17

My ds is 13 so family days are not really of interest to him but we do have family time - usually a few hours on a Sunday going for a walk, a swim,playing tennis or watching a film. He and I go jogging twice a week which I class as family time as we get to chat without interruption.

flora717 · 29/04/2015 13:20

If I said family days I would be referring to a day where H is not working (away), where the girls are at home rather than with their Dad and we engaged in something other than the mundane (shopping, tidying). We get around one a month.

FamiliesShareGerms · 29/04/2015 13:23

I once started a thread about my MiL's insistence on having an annual Family Day (with capital letters) wondering why the title annoyed me so much (even though getting together to see extended family was always nice). Anyway, AIBU decided I was a MiL-hating miserable cow, but I still dislike the title being applied to either immediate family doing stuff together (which may or may not take the whole day) or a gathering of the clan. Didn't realise it was a common label on MN

Mutley77 · 29/04/2015 15:39

We don't have family days but do try to get time all together at some point over a weekend (maybe 3 hours?). I personally prefer the thought of prioritising my DC and their needs individually as well as the needs of DH and I, so we need to fit in what they want to do and make them feel valued which often means individual time with each (even if that just means one parent taking them to their sport on their own and watching). Plus fitting in everyone's sporting and social activities - including ours.

When my eldest DC was 5 or 6 I had these great ideals about how the DC would only do activities on one day of the weekend max so that the other would be a family day, and that wouldn't involve any of their friends (but hypocritically it often involved friends of DH and I, generally also with similar age DC) but now that DC1 is 10 I recognise she has IMO equal rights to spend her weekends as she wishes so there is a lot of juggling - with 2 younger DC - and it generally works out pretty well as noone has a fixed idea of what's what. If we are all at home alone together we try to instigate some time having a nice meal and playing scrabble or similar.

And when they were toddlers IMO it was more about getting individual time away from them and planning in a decent nap!!! A toddler can last a day on a few games of "this little piggy", especially if they have older siblings to play with.

SomewhereIBelong · 29/04/2015 15:46

We tend to go visit MIL or have her here for lunch on a Sunday, so that is our family day - we might go out together somewhere after lunch - for a walk of a visit to a garden centre or animal place, the kids (12 and 14) don't arrange stuff for Sundays because that is for family - we have never SAID not to, they just know we like to spend the day together.

CapnMurica · 29/04/2015 15:51

Family days for us are spending time loafing about really!

We enjoy movies and gaming, we are not outside people and plus we don't often have a lot of spare cash so we can't afford many days out.

I'm trying to encourage park trips at the moment as it's over the road - my lazy rabble aren't keen.

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