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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Does how much your friend's children's birthday and Christmas presents alter according to how many children each of you have?

18 replies

spad · 28/04/2015 21:49

IYSWIM?

A couple of my friends have only children. We are soon to have three.

Does that change how much I should spend on them per child, to make up for the fact that we have more?

Having been one of the last of my friends to settle down I am familiar with being the one who was constantly shelling out cash for weddings, Christenings etc. I don't want anyone to feel short changed, but I also don't want to cause anyone to feel uncomfortable by spending too much.

What do you all do? I kind of feel like either way I am being unreasonable?

OP posts:

TheEggityOddity · 28/04/2015 21:51

I think maybe you spend a bit more on their one child but not three times as much. or maybe ask parent for a present suggestion?

Annunziata · 28/04/2015 21:51

No, I don't think you should. They will just feel more pressured to give big gifts back.

I have 7 so much more than you but very few people (only their grandparents and godparents) bought them individual presents.

I think most big families ask for a family present, like a DVD and a box of sweeties to be shared, instead of 3/4/5/6 individual things.

fattymcfatfat · 28/04/2015 21:53

I just buy something the children would like. I only buy for 2 friends children. one has 3 the other has 2 and I have my third on the way. they both get more money than me so spend more on presents for my children, but I make sure I am the fun one to be around and buy them something they will love even if it only costs a couple of quid (spent a fiver on each of them at Christmas!) they all rave about their presents and always want to come and play at my house because I feed them chocolate

mamapants · 28/04/2015 21:58

I have a per child budget. Don't see why some children should get less because they have siblings.

GottaFeeling · 28/04/2015 22:02

TBH, routinely buying for friends needs to stop

All the Dc have far too much, the parents don't want anymore stuff for them and the kids don't need it.

But, in your situation, say my normal budget was £5-£10, I would spend the top end for families with one child and the bottom for families with lots of children.

Original poster

spad · 28/04/2015 22:02

Yeah mamapants, I think that too. I was also a bit miffed because my two clearly had regifted and inappropriate Christmas gifts from one friend and I had spent a lot on them.

It seems to depend on which friend as to how awkward it feels.

OP posts:

123rd · 28/04/2015 22:03

I spend about a tenner on each child. Doesn't matter how many kids they have.

Original poster

spad · 28/04/2015 22:03

Yeah Gotta, I agree.

I was thinking very small poundshop gifts and a big box of chocolates or whatever for larger families.

It does all seem to get a bit out of hand though.

OP posts:

Original poster

spad · 28/04/2015 22:05

123rd

Yeah, but that would mean that we receive £30 of gifts and were only giving £10. Surely that can't be right either?

OP posts:

attheendoftheday · 28/04/2015 22:12

I have the same regardless of number of siblings. Gifts are not meant to be a fair financial exchange, they are an expression of effection.

TheBuskersDog · 28/04/2015 22:13

But you are not receiving £30, each child is receiving £10.

GottaFeeling · 28/04/2015 22:25

I reckon if you were to suggest to your friends, that buying for your numerous children must be a drain/pain for them, why don't we stop, they'd all be relieved.

Original poster

spad · 28/04/2015 22:50

Yeah a few of us have already done that!

OP posts:

123rd · 28/04/2015 22:54

I really don't want to sound wanky but I don't give to receive. And I have two DC and I only buy for five friends DC. They have a mix of two or three DC.

123rd · 28/04/2015 22:55

I did use to buy for more families and do Xmas presents too but now it's only bdays

mamapants · 29/04/2015 08:54

Agree with buskers, each of your children are individuals who are each getting an equivalent value present.
My sister had kids a long time before me so for a long time I was buying her, her husband, and her three children a present and getting one in return. I just wanted to buy them all a nice present I wasn't totting up the relative spend.

Morelikeguidelines · 29/04/2015 09:03

I think everyone should just stick to small gifts (unless you want to buy something nice for a 1st b day or a 16th or whatever). Then it doesn't really matter if the cost adds up to the same.

RainbowFlutterby · 29/04/2015 09:07

The 2 families I buy presents for the children for have 3 each, I have 1.

Yes I do spend less per child than they spend on mine, but I try to buy a joint present when I can. So at Christmas I spent approx. £50, which is a bit more than £15 per child, but they spend about £25 on mine.

In both cases though the families have gone "Nooooooo.... we've got more than you - don't go mad!"

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