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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to make him go to football??

20 replies

CocktailQueen · 28/04/2015 17:33

Ds has just been signed up by professional football club. He's only been going 6 weeks, has been accepted into academy and we've just paid for training and kit.

Today he comes out of school in a foul mood and says he hates football, doesn't want to go.

Dh gets home early to take him, we eat early, we arrange our day after school round him! AIBU to tell him off and make him go? Chatted about if you make a commitment to something then you go to it, esp. after only going for a few weeks! He got vv stroppy but eventually calmed down and went.

What would you have done??

He's not v happy at school either so am wondering if this is linked to school...

OP posts:

rookiemere · 28/04/2015 17:34

What age is he?

Original poster

CocktailQueen · 28/04/2015 17:36

Sorry - he's 8!

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rookiemere · 28/04/2015 17:41

Ah ok, DS has just turned 9 and up until recently frequently complained about going to rugby, but when he got there he enjoyed it and was good at it. Now he has started playing in some tournaments and enjoying it a bit more.

I think sometimes when DCs say "I hate this" what they mean is I don't want to go to this right now as there is something else I'd be doing in preference.

YANBU to make him go, see how he is next time, if he is still complaining about it then maybe reconsider at the end of the term. Is it just once a week he plays?

GottaFeeling · 28/04/2015 17:44

Hmm, is the training much more "work" than he was used to?

If he was keen to go and as you're gone to such expense, I would expect him to give it a good go, say until half-term, but after that I'd let him choose.

If you're going to support him in any aspirations he (or you) might have for him to be a professional footballer, you're going to have to get used to everything being organised round him/it

Ragwort · 28/04/2015 17:53

Just insist at least until the end of the period you have paid for.

A friend's DS was encouraged to join a professional club and then gave up as he couldn't be 'arsed' - he regrets it to this day.

My DS plays a lot of sport and occasionally moans about it but we just don't listen and take him along - he always enjoys it when he gets there.

ragged · 28/04/2015 18:04

I'd be wondered if he had a social problem, not exactly bullying, but something to do with people.

Original poster

CocktailQueen · 28/04/2015 18:32

Thanks. He hasn't mentioned anything negative about it before now.

I'm wondering if there's a problem with school/friends and he's taking it out on football - no idea why. He's been more negative and grumpy and clingy than usual recently, but have asked and nothing seems to be wrong - that he can articulate, anyway.

No, the training is just as it was on his trial sessions and he goes to football twice the rest of the week and loves them all! Purely driven by him - not us!!

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BuildYourOwnSnowman · 28/04/2015 18:36

What time commitment is it?

My 8yo loves his activities but often tries to get out of them when he is tired

PeachyPants · 28/04/2015 18:38

YANBU make him see through the period he has committed to and then let him make a considered choice.

Original poster

CocktailQueen · 28/04/2015 18:44

It's an hour and a half!

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BuildYourOwnSnowman · 28/04/2015 19:01

An hour and a half once a week if he's not gettibg home too late would be fine but if he is gettibg tired because of everything else he is doing or not enough sleep then it could impact his mood

You did the right thing making him go. It's important they realise that when you make a commitment you stick to it.

Original poster

CocktailQueen · 28/04/2015 19:07

No, he doesn't get home too late. He wakes v early which doesn't help but another of his training nights is late. He never lies in and catches up on sleep so could be an accumulation of lack of sleep.

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BackforGood · 28/04/2015 19:22

Like BuildYourOwnSnowman, when my dc were that age, they would sometimes say "I don't want to go to.... anymore" because they were tired / didn't want to go out again in the evening. I would always say that they had to go tonight, and let the coach know that they didn't want to come anymore, and why, and then I would stop taking them at the end of that term/month / whatever was paid for. By the time they got there, they were always ready to enjoy it again and were glad they went.
However, 8 is very young to be committed to an academy. I know quite a few youngsters - anf families, tbh - who were far more thrilled at the idea of it, than the reality. Plenty of good footballers who gave it a go, then left all the restrictions that it brings.

Original poster

CocktailQueen · 28/04/2015 20:09

Quite, Backfor, but 2 weeks after saying he wanted to join isn't giving it enough time imo!

Update - he's back now, and had a fab time. Enjoyed it when he got there. had a chat and cuddle and he says he's not enjoying school at the mo and that's why he didn't want to go to football. What goes on in their heads, eh?

Thanks for the advice.

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ForalltheSaints · 28/04/2015 20:23

Unless it's Manchester United then encourage him to keep going.

fredfredsausagehead1 · 28/04/2015 21:40

My sons play academy football and in 6 years we have never once had to pay any fees? Also they can't officially 'sign
' them until they are U9... If he doesn't want to go it doesn't sound good as all the players in my sons U14 would rather pull their own toenails out than miss academy training!

Original poster

CocktailQueen · 19/05/2015 16:43

Fred -they play fewer matches at the academy training, and ds really enjoys matches best. he likes training but really wants to score goals. Including travel, he's out of the house for 3 hours - maybe it is too long. he plays football 4 days a week.

He kicked off today about it again so dh eventually got fed up and said, right, he won't take him this week but wants him to continue going until the ed of the summer term.

I can see both points of view. Ds liiked the idea of getting in to the academy but maybe he's just not ready for it. he is just 8 and football should still be fun....

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Minisoksmakehardwork · 19/05/2015 18:59

I wonder if it's more to do with his mates ribbing him because of which club it is? Jealousy and such could be causing others to tease him and put him off doing something he otherwise enjoys.

It might be worth a quiet word with his teacher to see if anything is going on with school. At 8 he'd not be doing SATs so I'd not think it was schoolwork as such which was the problem.

BackforGood · 19/05/2015 19:07

*he is just 8 and football should still be fun....

This

One of dd's team mates was signed up for the academy at a local big club. Obviously thrilled at the time - quite an acolade. However, 14 / 15months on she's back with the team as fed up of not playing games - just training. A Natural sports person is naturally competitive and wants to play and score and win games, not dribble round a cone for hours on end.
If he's good enough to make it, he'll still be good enough at 14 or 15 but will have had a lot more fun along the way actually playning IMVHO.

Original poster

CocktailQueen · 19/05/2015 22:39

Mini - No mates ribbing him - some mates jealous but most pleased.

Yes, Backfor - I think you're right. Interesting re your dd's team mate. Blimey, if ds decides this isn't for him he can always sign with another club if they ask him. They're not going to black ball him at 8, are they? FFS.

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