DSD(18) has taken to not coming home for dinner on a reasonably frequent basis, but either not letting me know at all, or not letting me know until I've already started cooking.
A while back we agreed that on weekends I would assume she wasn't eating with us unless she told me in advance. That worked well for a while but then she'd change her mind at the last minute.
I told her after the last time (4 days in a row, where after the second day I just kept the same meal congealing in the fridge waiting for her, to make the point, not that I'd actually make her eat it, more of a 'it's this or toast' thing) that at 18 she is more than capable of fending for herself and I shall not be cooking for her if she doesn't have the common decency to let me know before preparing a meal that she doesn't want any. I gave her one last chance and since (in one week) she's done it again twice.
I know what it's like to be 18 and living at home with parents, you don't always want to do family stuff and that's fine, but I am sick of being treated with such little thought. I don't mind her not eating with us, it's the lack of notice, so food gets wasted and sometimes, because of her pickiness, I've picked a meal specifically with her tastes in mind when really I'd have preferred to make something else.
I don't think my ultimatum is unreasonable, I was sorting out all my own meals at that age, well before actually. I think I've been rather tolerant up until now. However, DH says I am being harsh and I should try to remember what it was like to be young and be making last minute plans, but it's not him who is cooking meal after meal for no gratitude.
So AIBU to tell an 18yo to start fending for themselves?