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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

am I being goaded?

11 replies

Dontunderstand01 · 28/04/2015 16:55

I often worry that I am being goaded by my MIL, she says things that I often think are a bit off, but don't know for sure. Today, she asked how long me and DH have been married for, so I told her. She asked me if it had felt like a long time (it's over a decade). I said in some ways yes, in someways no. I can remember it like yesterday, and it doesn't feel like over a decade but we have fit a lot in to that time, so it does feel like a long time in that respect.

Then she said 'me and xh commented that we had made it far longer than most when we reached x point, but then of course we divorced the next year. I suppose qutite a few people probably though you and DH wouldn't make it that far. That it would all be over in a year or two.'.

Did they really?! I was busy trying to feed DS and have had a shitty day, so said nothing but now I think back over lots and lots of other examples and I think she is trying to get under my skin. Is she, or am I an oversensitive tit?

OP posts:
helenahandbag · 28/04/2015 16:59

Apparently my auntie announced casually that "everyone" had talked about it and didn't think that my parents would stay together long term. My auntie is on her third marriage and my parents just celebrated their 30th anniversary. Bitter, maybe?

I think your MIL was rude and mean to say that. What on earth were you supposed to say in response to it?!

OhNoNotMyBaby · 28/04/2015 16:59

Without more examples I can't say really about being goaded. But this was a particularly unpleasant, if not nasty, thing to say and I can't imagine why on earth she would say this.

Can you ask "you know what you said the other day about some people thinking DH and I wouldn't make it... I'm curious why you said that and why people thought that?"

I would definitely pull her up on it.

Charlotte3333 · 28/04/2015 17:02

Yeah I agree with OhNo, at best it was rude and spiteful. Call her out on it, ask if she deliberately meant to be so rude. She'll probably crap herself when she realises you can't be spoken to that way.

flora717 · 28/04/2015 17:04

Definitely ask her what she is/ was getting at?

ollieplimsoles · 28/04/2015 17:04

Call her out on it, do you have any other examples?

It was mean and uncalled for what she said, I would be hurt if it were me.

Dontunderstand01 · 28/04/2015 17:43

Trying to think of other examples... when I have been out with her and sil in the past I have thought they were talking about me. We will be shopping, I somehow I end up a distance away, see them sniggering, go over and say something like 'you too look pretty tickled, what are you laughing about' just to get 'oh nothing, ignore us' which used to make me feel :-/

She made lots of comments about me able to fit into my bridesmaid dress after having ds. I told her I had gained 2 stone and lost it in a week of giving birth, but she kept waffling on aboutdid I want a wrap to cover my arms etc. I am 10/ 12 at best. She is a larger lady.

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 28/04/2015 17:47

hmm, I would say that maybe this is an isolated incident OP, and that you should def call her out on it.

Nip this in the bud in case she thinks she can talk to you like this again, because it did upset you and it was a really silly thing to say.

I think she just might be one of those MILs who don't think before they speak and are not very tactful!

Oldraver · 28/04/2015 18:56

Yes it sounds like she is being a snidey bitch, and its really up to you if you want to challenge her on it.

If you do I would concentrate on why she feels the need to say anything, not what she has actually said ie....I wouldn't give two hoots that mythical people were saying you wouldn't make it to a year....I would want to know why she felt the need to pass on spiteful gossip...

FromMeToYou · 28/04/2015 19:01

''Ha ha MIL, I thought we would only make it to the six month mark!''

That should shut her up.

And don't go shopping with her and SIL.

GoStraightGoStraight · 28/04/2015 19:05

Did you get married very young, or after a very whirlwind romance? If so then I don't think she was particularly unreasonable to say what she said, if you know that lots of people felt that way at the time. Just be delighted that you have so far proved them all wrong!

TwoOddSocks · 28/04/2015 19:13

Unless there is an obvious reason everyone thought you'd split (e.g. you married very quickly or very young or due to pregnancy) then she's either goading you or suffers from foot in mouth syndrome. I think it's impossible for us to tell which but if you're instincts are usually right I'd trust them. Whatever you do don't rise to it though, kill her with kindness!

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