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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Expecting teenage girl to share room with teenage boy

32 replies

clearlyaplasticgnome · 28/04/2015 13:26

My sister, and her 15 year old daughter have been invited to stay with friends in Edinburgh next weekend. My sister has just found out that her friend is assuming that 15 year old daughter will be happy to share with friend's 16 year old son.
My sister is shocked, and so am I.
AIBU to have told her to just make up some excuse and not go? My sister doesn't know what to do.

OP posts:
sparechange · 28/04/2015 13:28

Can your sister and her daughter share a room/bed?
Can your sister share a room with the boy and your niece can have her bed?

TedAndLola · 28/04/2015 13:28

It's definite not reasonable to have expected this without asking the teenagers if they'd be okay with it, especially the girl.

Why can't the girl share with her mum?

ilovesooty · 28/04/2015 13:29

Doesn't know what to do?

Are you serious? Surely she pulls out and tells them exactly why.

MiloCat · 28/04/2015 13:29

No that's not on and would be potentially very uncomfortable for them both...not to mention anything else!

What are the sleeping arrangements for you sister? Is it not possible for them to share instead?

OhNoNotMyBaby · 28/04/2015 13:30

Of course they can't share? Who on earth could possibly think this was feasible?!

Original poster
clearlyaplasticgnome · 28/04/2015 13:31

My sister will be sharing a room with her friend. It's a two room flat but my sister had assumed that there'd be a pull out couch that her daughter could sleep on.

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 28/04/2015 13:31

She can either tell them she's not coming as there is nowhere for them to stay or she can book herself somewhere else to stay.

Original poster
clearlyaplasticgnome · 28/04/2015 13:32

To me the logical thing would be for my sis and her daughter to share and for friend to share the room with her son. But I don't think she could really suggest that. It would be easier to just cancel, in my view.

OP posts:
Original poster
clearlyaplasticgnome · 28/04/2015 13:33

I've offered to lend her the money to book a b&b or hotel, but she thinks her friend would take offence.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 28/04/2015 13:33

She certainly doesn't need to make up an excuse. She has a very good reason to cancel.

TedAndLola · 28/04/2015 13:33

My sister will be sharing a room with her friend. It's a two room flat but my sister had assumed that there'd be a pull out couch that her daughter could sleep on.

Boy and his mum share. If the mum was happy for him to share with a stranger I can't imagine why she'd object about that.
Your sister and her daughter share.

OrionsAccessory · 28/04/2015 13:33

In that situation I'd bring an air bed for the dd to use in the living room or I'd expect the mums to share with their own children.

expatinscotland · 28/04/2015 13:34

She needs to grow a pair and cancel, and tell her friend why.

ilovesooty · 28/04/2015 13:35

Since this host has treated your friend's daughter with a complete lack of respect I don't see why she's worried about giving offence.

TedAndLola · 28/04/2015 13:35

Her daughter's comfort needs to come before fears of offending her friend. I know that's easier said than done but if she won't suggest an alternative or stay elsewhere, the only option is to cancel. She can't possibly force her daughter into this situation.

WottaMess · 28/04/2015 13:36

Mums share with their kids. No probs.

PurpleSwift · 28/04/2015 13:37

Nooo not on. Teenagers need their privacy, as a 15 year old girl I'd be mortified if I was expected to stay with a teenage boy I didn't particularly know. She can sleep on sofa?

APlaceOnTheCouch · 28/04/2015 13:37

she thinks her friend will take offence
Surely if she suddenly cancels then her friend will be offended too? I don't understand why your DSIS can't just say that her DD will sleep on the sofa or in a sleeping bag in the room with her DM.

I'm guessing her friend is used to her DS having his friends to stay in his room and she just hasn't really thought through how awkward it would be for both the teenagers. If your DSIS is a good enough friend to invite to stay then I'm sure their friendship will survive her saying that her DD isn't sharing with friend's DS.

Original poster
clearlyaplasticgnome · 28/04/2015 13:38

The main problem with asking the mother to share with her son is that there's bunk beds in the son's room and a double bed in the mum's room. As the boy would presumably not be sharing a bed with his mum she'd be basically asking her to sleep in a narrow bunk for two nights while she and my niece had the comfy double bed.

OP posts:
Aermingers · 28/04/2015 13:39

YANBU. My parents had a funny attitude to things like this and would for example expect me and my 16 year old brother to share a double bed on holiday when I was 14. It was really embarrassing, at that age you hardly know what's going on with your own body and you are very self conscious. They never understood and used to get very angry that I got upset about it. And that was my own brother. You're being sensitive to their feelings and your friend is not.

googoodolly · 28/04/2015 13:40

Oh well, plenty of adults manage to sleep on single beds. If mum isn't willing to bunk in with her son, the girl and her mum have nowhere to sleep.

Pyjamaschocolateandwine · 28/04/2015 13:43

Aermingers that sounds very difficult for you to have dealt with at that age. Why do some parents have no bloody sense that their kids grow up!!

Op of course they can't. No reasonable sensible perskn would think this was fine.

Your dsis first responsibility is to her dd not this daft friend.

TedAndLola · 28/04/2015 13:43

They must have a sofa that your niece could sleep on.

popalot · 28/04/2015 13:45

can sister and daughter sleep in the same room? With an airbed?

Original poster
clearlyaplasticgnome · 28/04/2015 13:45

Apparently not Ted. Just a two seater and an armchair.

OP posts: