AIBU to think 4yr old should not have to worry about performance?

[Pulledapart]

Over the course of the week it has been mentioned to me by DD's teachers she is struggling with making sentences (this is one of the measurements for literarcy)

DD has been a slow talker (didn't utter a word until she was 3) so I'm not really surprised by this. I explained that to her teacher and also mentioned I'm reading with her everyday to improve this.

For the past week DD has been complaining that "teacher is shouting at me". I didn't really give it much thought but Today I practically dragged her by her feet to go to school as she was just crying and crying. She kept saying "I don't want to go school" "I don't like school" (DD is definitely capable of forming sentences - well at home anyway)

I feel maybe because she is not performing to the standard they expect they have been shouting at DD but of course I have no way of proving that.

Her sudden change in behaviour to wanting to go to school all the time to I don't want to go makes me wonder if she has been shouted at.

I really don't have a problem with teachers disciplining the children but I really would not agree with shouting just because they are slower to pick up things. my argument is all children pick up things at different times and in different ways so it's the teacher job to find a way that connect with the child.

Also their has been mention of a "lower literacy group" this will be made up of all children who they think are not performing. Seriously they are 4 and already being made to feel like an outcast ( slight exaggeration one part )

So AIBU to think the school is putting too much pressure on DD and possibly other children? They are just 4 and this is their first experience of full time school

By the way am willing to except IBU but just want to hear other views.

Yanbu, if they think speech is an issue then they should have referred your dd to speech therapy so that you could get any advice that could help. Some teachers are far too quick to put children into low groups!

Make an appointment to discuss it with the teacher; poor language skills (?) and school refusal, reasons for. At least they have noted her language and are preparing to do something about it.

I'd definitely arrange a chat with the teacher and voice your concerns.

It could be that they're shouting at your DD, it could simply be the change to f/t school. DD said she had no friends every day for the whole of reception. It wasn't actually true, she just saw other children running around holding hands at play time and she wasn't. Not to say things aren't okay but that it could be a mix of things with your DD, it's a lot to adjust to, especially as there's often a more school feel to the day and you often can't just play in the sand pit all day. DD would get quite unhappy at being asked to pack away the things she was doing to do more lesson-style things like reading/writing.

I think chatting to the school about it is a good start and you can take it from there.

Thanks all I think a chat with the teacher is the way to go. I think I remember a chat about speech therapy but not sure need to check. I'm just surprised they still
Want to put her in lower group despite the speech issue.

I think that there is nothing wrong with them streaming the children - this is likely to be beneficial for them working at all levels. With the shouting - yes you should find out what's happening. But it might be a case of DD finding the work challenging and being stressed because of that rather than a genuinely shouty teacher.

They will be putting her in a group that suits her ability, it would do her no favours to be in a higher group if she's not capable of the higher work. It's highly unlikely that they will be doing anything to make children feel like outcasts, exaggeration or not, they will give the groups animal or colour names or something. Either way though, children can tell if they are finding work harder or easier than others in their class, and there really isn't much school staff can do about that.

Your dd may well not want to go to school just because she doesn't want to do the work, which wouldn't be uncommon at 4, and at this time of the year they probably are moving towards making learning more formal than it was earlier in the year to prepare them for year 1, which can come as a big shock otherwise.

There is a lot of pressure put on children to learn at a young age, but it comes from government, not teachers, so if you want your child to go to state school then unfortunately this is the way it is.

Sounds concerning, and like the other posters say, hopefully a chat to the teacher will help address them.

BTW, when my DS had his 3 year review with the health visitor, they said his speech was slow (it was marginally, but nothing spectacular). They offered to put him on a waiting list for speech therapy there and then, which I thought was odd as he wasn't even 3 at the time of the review. So the services are available and if they are concerned for your DD, she should be getting the extra help she needs. She certainly shouldn't be made to feel anxious or under pressure. I hope you get this sorted soon and your DD starts to enjoy school.

Thank you both that makes more sense to me now regarding the grouping issue, must admit I didn't see it in that way

I absolutely agree though re the pressure not coming from the teachers but rather the government and no choice in schooling I'm afraid. I have no problem in DD going to a state school I'm just not sure about the shouting. In hindsight it may just be DD not wanting to do the work as rightly pointed out so she thinks she is being shouted at. It's difficult for me to believe her teachers would be like that to be honest, they are lovely as far as I can tell.

I think it's probably just DD avoiding wanting to do the work.

I think maybe I need to sit DD down today and have a chat with her about it as well as a quick chat with her teacher. Not sure I'll get much out of DD.

I also think I need to look up ways of helping DD learn at home.

Make an appointment and talk to her teacher. It's not uncommon for children to struggle in reception - dd1 hated it and dd2 has sailed through. If the teacher is shouting then it needs to be questioned but it may be your dds perception. They will be streamed early on but that's not to say it can't change. Good luck, it's a tough time but communication is important. She is so little still it's horrible to think of her upset.

I found this comment pretty unhelpful to be honest "that's the way it is in a state school". For a start most people don't have a choice, private schools hardly let up on the pressure and home schooling isn't an option for many people. So it's hardly a question of choice. And it's not the way it has to be. Yes teachers are under pressure from stupid government targets but good schools do their best to protect pupils from that.

Hi op I would be very surprised if the teachers were shouting at reception children. Children are streamed so if your dd is less able she will be in the less able group which presumably you would prefer to her struggling in a more advanced group. I would approach it from the perspective of finding out from teachers what you can do to support your dd at home. That which you call "performing" is normally called learning! Good luck

To help your dd make sentences, you could look at pictures in books and get her to tell you what's happening in full sentences.

So, if you're looking at a picture of a child playing football, and she says 'he's playing football' you can try and get her to say 'the boy is playing football'. Then when she's got that, extend it to 'the boy is playing football in the park' then 'the boy is playing football in the park and he's wearing red shorts'. Then you can count how many words she uses in each sentence and praise her for using more words each time. You can write her sentences out for her in special sparkly pens so she can see what she's saying and how it looks.

There is only so much that good schools can do to 'protect' children from the pressure of learning. Any child who doesn't enjoy learning because they're finding it difficult is going to feel some pressure, they can't be allowed not to learn anything, government targets or not.