Term time working, advice needed

[letscookbreakfast]

My partner has been working at Day Nurseries and Pre-Schools for over 11 years, last year she decided that she'd had enough of the long Day Nursery hours and that she'd rather work term time only for slightly more money per hour but obviously less money overall at a Pre-School. She was on minimum wage at the nurseries, she now gets just above that. She gets four weeks of holiday pay over the summer holidays to ease the pain of no pay for six weeks. She can also do a few hours at the holiday club for a few days a week if she is picked.

I work full time at a Local Authority and I enjoy it, I've been there a long time but I feel no need to move on. Not to mention that I have a physical disability and I'm grateful to be where I am. I'm moving up the pay band every few years.

Before she took the Pre-School job I expressed my reservations due to the fact that we'd have money coming in but it wouldn't be the same amount each month very often due to half term and other holidays.

However now the shit has hit the fan because she's realised that although she's working less and she's happier she's not earning as much as she was before which means that we have less money coming into the joint and she has less money to herself. Not to mention that she can't choose when she has annual leave which is also pissing her off.

Every month I'm putting as much as I possibly can into the joint, bearing in mind I need money left over to pay my regular bills (like she does). I'm now regulary having to dip into my overdraft to put even more money into the joint as she can't put enough into the joint. She was off sick yesterday (no sick pay) and she's reluctantly gone in today. We have a bit of money in the savings but that will dwindle as we are getting married this year.

I honestly don't know what to suggest, she says that she'll look for a full time job but since starting term time she's not been stressed, she's been a lot more happier and everyone has noticed.

Does anyone work term time? How do they manage?

Of course her mood is better, most peoples would be if they worked part time.

However, your joint finances can't cope with that it would seem, so a tough conversation needs to be had.

Your last post would suggest you're not impressed with her at the moment either. She sounds lazy and a bit entitled to be honest; she wants a spending lifestyle she can't afford, she wants to work fewer hours but not reign in the spending, and she wants to pick holidays but only work term time. She needs a bit of a reality check.

And she "won't let you" cancel Sky? Well, if you can't afford it, she doesn't get to lay down the law about it does she. Tell her if she sells the iPad you can afford a few more months of Sky...she needs to make choices, not have you subsidise her if the money just isn't there.

Shopping is ordered online, we average 125 for two weeks, that includes household products. Sky cannot be got rid of, we already have a deal on our fibre, we pay our own phone bills, insurance is fairly cheap...

I'm going to have to mull things over I think.

No I'm not hugely impressed with her at the moment, unfortunately she has to do a lot of the house stuff due to my disability but I do help out where I can e.g. putting dinner in, hoovering etc. I don't know, maybe it makes me think that I can't criticise her.

So to sum up, she wishes to work in a traditionally low paid sector, term times only and you are to keep her in the condition (IPads/Sky TV etc) to which she has become accustomed. But she doesn't like the fixed holidays - perhaps she'd rather not work at all?

If she is expected to work full time, she is grumpy and moody.

Mull away OP.

'well you can help me look then.' She then sat there on her iPad (that I'm paying for) on Facebook.

I honestly feel bad as her mood is so much better since she started her term time job.'

She is taking you for a mug. Sorry to be blunt, but she is.

This thread is like watching a car crash in slo-mo.

Look, I work full-time, I have elderly parents with complex medical problems who are in and out of hospital and I am constantly on the phone arranging things, on the phone to support them, or driving a 2 hour round trip to see them and help them. I'm also studying for a degree. My life is so stressful I'm practically a puddle at the end of each day. What do I do, as an adult? I cope with it. What I don't do is tell DP that I'm going part-time and it's down to him to earn more or go into debt so I can keep my Sky TV and have other luxuries.

Life is stressful. It doesn't sound as though there is anything particularly stressing her out. Just the effort of going to work every day and being a grown up. She is going to be fucking hard work if anything difficult ever does crop up in your lives.

Being diabetic doesn't stop you working.

Or is it that type of work she finds stressful and no longer enjoys? Ok, so retrain and look for a new career.

You need to talk to her and dig down as to what her attitude really is. We are guessing but only she can tell you. That's where the truthfulness comes in. 'Oh I find it too stressful to work full-time' isn't enough. Why does she find a normal activity so stressful? It is a problem at work? With her career choice? Is it actually not really stressful, she just fancies only working part-time? Does she think it's your role to support her? How will things be when you marry? Is she intending to give up work at any point? Are you going to have children? Does she want to continue working or be a SAHM? How long will she be SAHM for? Will she return to work? Does she want to get pregnant, give up her job, and never return to work again but be full-time housewife forever (that used to be normal, not really so much now)? What are her expectations of you, of your relationship, of your marriage, financially and otherwise.

loveareadingthanks thank you, you've hit the nail on the head with a few of the things you have said. I'm not going to point out what exactly but yes she has a fairly stress free life but she seems to struggle with being a grown up sometimes. If things don't go her way she gets emotional.

I'm going to talk to her.

Okay so there are some positives here, she can hold down a job, she does do at least her share about the house - that doesn't mean that you have to be eternally in her debt btw - that's what a partnership is about - each contributing what they can. I think you are as much as you can and she could maybe do a little more - maybe it isn't as bleak as I first felt, I guess it depends on your discussion - i.e. what is it that is making her unhappy and stressed?

Clearly, at the moment, your household finances do not add up.

So, between you two, you must earn more and/or spend less.

It sounds like you are doing your best to earn as much as you can yourself.

So, either she needs to earn more or your household must spend less. It sounds like it could be possible for you two to choose together for her to carry on in her current job, but you both need to understand that that means that as a household, you need to spend less and/or she needs to find a way to earn a bit extra in some casual work.

It's a choice. You two do have options, but it just doesn't sound like your fiancee understands that choices needs to be made - it sounds like she thinks it's ok to earn less and spend more.

So, my practical advice, given what you've said, is that maybe she should continue with this current job, as you both seem to appreciate the way the lower levels of stress help to improve her mood (and presumably, your life as a couple). The key implication of this, though, is that you two need to sit together and decide what you're going to spend less on.

How about:
--get rid of sky
--review your mobile phone contracts - could you pay less?
--what are you spending on food and what type of food are you buying? Could you spend less (and eat more healthily, which would help with diabetes) if you cooked more from scratch rather than buying prepared things (obviously not relevant if you already cook everything from scratch, but as your fiancee now has more free time, this should be possible)
--review all your subscriptions and end them (do you have subscriptions to music?)
--do you have a car? do you live somewhere where you absolutely need it? I'm amazed how many families in London have cars when public transport is just fine for the rest of us!
--how much do you each spend in a year on clothes? do you need to reduce this budget?

Anyway, that's my honest attempt at some practical ideas, but it comes down to BOTH of you (not just you) realizing that your sums need to add up. And, honestly, if you're thinking about getting married, and might be thinking about kids, now's the time when your finances should be entirely in order.

It's definitely not bleak, our relationship is quite happy. The money situation is stressing her out so I'm tempted to say let's get through this month and then we'll evaluate the money situation once she's done four weeks of work. But I want to also find out why she feels like she needs so much time off.

Definitely a bit of honest dialog required then, you can say the positives about how you appreciate that the part time has made her happier but that the money is stressing you both out and that it's better that you get everything out on the table and discuss what you can do about it together.

Is it possible she has other debts that she hasn't told you about and that is stressing her?

Do you know where her own spending money goes?

If she's working shorter hours she should be able to help your finances by batch cooking, shopping around for the best deal on everything you buy, constantly making sure you have the cheapest gas, electric, insurance etc.

Done right, stuff like this can often make more of a difference than working a few extra hours. You say that you are unable to do a lot of housework, so you do need to cut her a little slack as she is probably doing more than half by the sounds of it.

But it sounds like she might be able to do some extra babysitting etc as she will have contacts where she works, but she might need to check that there is nothing in her contract that

Money saving expert is great for this. I can't find a link, but every so often they run a feature which is a 'take a day to review all your finances and save thousands' type of thing, where you go through everything and check 'can I get it cheaper'.

Are you using Quidco to get cashback on almost everything you buy online?
I review, and usually change my gas and electric about once a year to make sure I am always on the cheapest tariff and I've just got £21 of Quidco cashback and 1500 tesco clubcard points for my latest switch. The clubcard points alone will pay for 2 meals out for DP and I at Pizza Express.

If she does that, she may also get round to understanding that you only have a certain amount of money that needs to cover necessities before luxuries.

Can you get some of your shopping from Lidl, Aldi, or markets, if it will be cheaper than wherever your delivered shopping comes from?

Are you saving up for annual expenses like Christmas, holidays and car expenses. You need to be doing this before buying luxuries.

Have you talked about how things will work if you have children? Will she expect to be a SAHM or will she continue to work part time?

Call Sky and tell them you want to cancel, that should get it down to about £45 or so.

But honestly, just get rid of it. Less money coming in means less of the things you enjoy. Does she have problems which means she struggles to understand that?

But it sounds like she might be able to do some extra babysitting etc as she will have contacts where she works, but she might need to check that there is nothing in her contract that

Sorry I missed out the rest of this sentence ... prevents her from working outside her main job.

My post also jumps around through a couple of different thought processes but I hope what I was trying to say makes sense.