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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask you to talk me out of doing something stupid ...

48 replies

UsedtobeFeckless · 27/04/2015 23:06

I've had a miserable day.

Setback at work and messed up something I was working on at home. Final straw ... Just been on Facebook and seen a post tagging a friend who told me she was busy all week with this work assignment that she just had to finish and so couldn't come to the cinema and she's guess where ( Clue - watching the film I wanted to see ) with her BFF from work. I want to post something sarcastic along the lines of How's the essay going? You snake But I know I'll wish I'd gone for dignified silence when I calm down ... Help!

OP posts:

EduCated · 27/04/2015 23:44

Deep breath. Is this a blip in a great friendship? Or symptomatic of wider crappiness? Either way sleep on it and respond tomorrow.

Theycallmemellowjello · 27/04/2015 23:44

Argh it's up to you op but don't cut your nose to spite your face :(

momtothree · 27/04/2015 23:46

Any reason or apology? I.e film irrelevant to behaviour?

LondonRocks · 27/04/2015 23:47

Actually, you do have every right to be pissed off - she finally could have been straight with you. Or, if she finished her work, could have still asked you to join them.

I'm not one for silently seething. I'd tell her I was puzzled about what happened and see what she says.

LondonRocks · 27/04/2015 23:48

Finally?! Supposed to say 'actually'. Damn phone.

VanitasVanitatum · 27/04/2015 23:48

Just give it some distance for a week or two and you will forget about it. Don't react right now when you're feeling emotional as you will come across as jealous, there is nothing more humiliating than that.

Nayville · 27/04/2015 23:52

What an insensitive friend Op. I don't understand why she tagged herself on fb either, did she want you to see it?? If so thats even worse

You're right not to take her up on her offer. I would slowly phase her out.

Original poster

UsedtobeFeckless · 27/04/2015 23:53

We've been friends for ages - since school - she's fairly high up in the NHS and works insane hours but we generally hook up every week or two. We're both massive Joss Weadon nerds and his new film was something we were both looking forward to. She socialises with the ward team a lot, but I've never been aware she's blown me out in favour of them until now - but then I've never doubted her when she said she was busy so maybe I have been and just didn't notice.

Fuck it. I'm going to bed.

OP posts:

Nayville · 27/04/2015 23:57

Sorry Op I just realised I missed a few of your posts explaining how it showed up on your fb and how long you'd been friends

See how you feel about it all in the morning.

thefirstmrsrochester · 28/04/2015 00:22

I'd be hurt too.
I would also 'like' the post and sit on my fingers to stop them from typing thanks for blowing me out bitch
Hope you feel better in the morning OP.

flora717 · 28/04/2015 00:24

Did you like Much Ado? (Totally distracted there). Much Joss geeking to be done ??

londonrach · 28/04/2015 07:34

Either like the comment or say nothing. Its fb. She allowed to go to the cinema even if she hasnt finished the essay.

Balaboosta · 28/04/2015 07:46

Friend asks you few days in advance to go to cinema. Refuse because have essay to do. Procrastinate / finish essay / get desperately bored. Other friend asks you to go to cinema on spur of moment. Accept because you are procrastinating / have finished essay / are desperately bored. Nothing personal. Although I agree insensitive. Hope this looks better this morning OP and hope you get better day at work!

WizardofSnoz · 28/04/2015 08:06

YABU, I quite feel for this lady. You seem really possessive. I can see why she said that she was doing an essay rather than that she already had plans. She probably knew you would react like this and go in a huff.

You'll lose her as a friend if you carry on like this, it sounds like it might be going in that direction already. It's not nice to have an overbearing friend who thinks you should drop everything and always include them in your plans.

Lagoonablue · 28/04/2015 08:13

I don't feel for her. Refuse to go with a friend to the cinema and then go with someone else?. That's mean. I'd be pissed off too.

OP just wait and see what happens. If she doesn't contact you you know where you stand. If she does, explain your were a bit hurt.

Life's too short to waste time on people like this.

Original poster

UsedtobeFeckless · 28/04/2015 09:48

@Wizard Cheers, you're too kind.

Not possesive or overbearing, really. Just had a shit day and got a bit of a shock. I'm totally fine with people having other plans - less fine with being lied to.

Now I've slept on things I've calmed down, anyway. We talked last week, and she went away this weekend for a wine and shopping jolly with the gang from work so she and Work Woman probably arranged it then so it wasn't a deliberate snub.

I won't say anything, I can't think of a way to frame it that doesn't sound all needy and pathetic anyway!

OP posts:

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 28/04/2015 09:54

You see this is why I wouldn't get involved with face book.
Ignorance is bliss. I'm not going to say delete your account because I don't know your circumstances bit if circs allow delete your account.
I don't blame you for being peeved. I would be. I'd have to say something but I've got a big mouth.

finnbarrcar · 28/04/2015 10:02

This is also why I don't have facebook. In the old days you'd have been none the wiser. Cut her some slack op, she sounds like a good friend overall and you do sound quite resentful and jealous, calling her colleague a cowbag isn't going to improve relations. I understand why you felt hurt but if she's normally a good pal let it go.

Momagain1 · 28/04/2015 10:04

Step away. A no when you asked because of her plans at that time doesnt mean she can't go someone else when conditions are different. She doesnt owe you the shared viewing of a movie just because you asked first. For all you know, cowbagfromwork has manipulated her using the exact same sort of teenaged drama you are now playing at. She should dump you both and find some women who think like grown ups to be friends with.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 28/04/2015 10:06

Everytime I read stuff like this I am so glad I don't do Facebook. I'm relieved my life isn't peppered with micro-dramas.

Hope you're feeling back to normal now OP. I'm sure your friend meant no harm.

Original poster

UsedtobeFeckless · 28/04/2015 10:14

Yeah - the Cowbag comment was out of order. I've never met the Work Friend and she's probably lovely ...

I was having a seriously bad day yesterday, I'm normally much more laid back about this sort of thing - it just felt like the last straw at the time! I'm SO glad I vented on here and not in real life

I'm going to bin Facebook ( Or at least unfollow Socialite Friend ) as it does my head in - there are only so many pictures of toast / Candy Crush high scores / other people having a great time somewhere you're not that you can take before going all peculiar!

OP posts:

finnbarrcar · 28/04/2015 11:52

Good lass. Venting on here has saved you a world of pain in real life

Original poster

UsedtobeFeckless · 28/04/2015 12:27

Too bloody right! I'm totally curling my toes at yesterday's hissy fit ... I'd run a mile if someone got all What-about-meee!?! at me in the real world!

I've sent a chipper message back saying I'm glad it's good and that me and DP are looking forward to going at the weekend ... Phew, though, thank the Gods for MN and space to rant unheard ...

OP posts:

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