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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if it's normal to want/need sex so often?

18 replies

linylinster · 27/04/2015 12:04

I've been married to dh for 12 years. I completely adore him and love being with him and it was love at first sight. We have 2 dc who are great, but they have not diminished the importance of my relationship with dh iyswim. We have sex approx 4 times a week and I have started to realise that I am only 100% happy if we have had sex the night before or that day. If dh falls asleep and we have not had sex for a day (so it would be 2 days without sex), I feel slightly irritated then spend the next day wanting to make it right by having sex. I am starting to worry that I am a bit needy. My RL friends moan about having sex at all so I don't really know if I am normal or not.

OP posts:
rb32 · 27/04/2015 12:13

Good luck with this one. If you were a bloke you would be told you're aweful to be harrassing your partner and you need to stop. However you're a woman so everyone will be sympathetic.

In my view, yeh it's normal for you and aslong as your husband is alright then don't worry!

velourvoyageur · 27/04/2015 12:14

There was a lovely woman on First Dates ages ago talking very openly about how she needed sex to manage her Bipolar symptoms. I guess sex released the sort of hormones or chemicals or whatever she had a natural deficit of.
Some people need loads of sleep and we see that as totally normal, I'd see needing lots of sex is normal too- at least not something you need to target and try and change! Except when it starts to rule your life of course- I guess you're lucky you've found someone compatible.

EponasWildDaughter · 27/04/2015 12:25

Not sure if you're normal or reasonable, but i'm exactly the same so i know how you feel.

DH is happy to oblige unless he is particularly tired (physical job), and says he just keeps quiet when his mates moan about lack of sex.

If your DH is ok then don't worry.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 27/04/2015 12:30

There's a huge range of normal, you're within the range, the problem would only come if your partner and you were incompatible.

CrystalCove · 27/04/2015 12:31

If you and your DH are happy with the frequency of sex whats the issue?

The thing that jumps out from your post though is saying about "making it" right - fair enough if its missing the actual sex after a day or so but that comes across as perhaps feeling your Dh has went off you or something and you need to "make it right" by having sex therefore proving to yourself he still fancies you. I could be wrong though!

googoodolly · 27/04/2015 12:37

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a lot of sex if both parties are happy. It's only a problem if one person pressures the other to have sex when they're not interested.

If you and your DH are happy, then there's nothing to worry about.

Original poster
linylinster · 27/04/2015 12:40

That is what I was wondering too Crystal. If I need the sex to prove to myself that dh still fancies me. He is not overly demonstrative but shows me his love in more practical ways.

OP posts:
mimishimmi · 27/04/2015 12:41

It's not that uncommon but I think women who are like this feel shyer/are under more pressure from other women who complain about their husbands wanting it all the time not to admit it. I'm the same. It's not okay to pressure your partner of course, as per the support given to women whose husbands have the same needs. I am not sure that being 'highly sexed' has anything to do with gender actually.

NeedABumChange · 27/04/2015 12:48

I Don't think 4times a week is loads but your attitude to sex sounds a bit odd. It does sound like you have some kind of insecurity. Do you think that love and sex are the same? As is if you don't have sex do you feel unloved?

Original poster
linylinster · 27/04/2015 12:57

I don't think so NeedA. I absolutely do feel loved by dh with or without the sex, but feel extremely happy the day after sex.

OP posts:
shewept · 27/04/2015 13:08

I wouldn't say that 4 times a week is excessive.

But getting grumpy because you don't get it and 'wanting to make it right' makes me think you need to really think about why, you feel this way.

If dh got pissy because he didn't get it for 2 days, I wouldn't be impressed. But really it depends on what your dh thinks. Does this bother him? I am assuming it does, because you are asking if it's bu.

happygirl87 · 27/04/2015 13:11

Just to be clear, are you not happy as in upset that something is wrong? Or not happy as in horny? Because if you're not actually turned on/horny/frustrated and neither is he (if he's goen to sleep) it seems a little worrying that you would be upset? Like maybe you're insecure about something else? Just a thought though.

happygirl87 · 27/04/2015 13:12

Obviously if you are turned on, it's absolutely normal but also good that you don't expect him to perform in that circumstance if he doesn't want to!

Georgethesecond · 27/04/2015 13:13

Isn't this what masturbation is for?

AndWhenYouGetThere · 27/04/2015 13:14

If you resent DP, or "get pissy" as someone upthread suggested, then yes that's not fair.

Otherwise, if your sex drives match and you're happy together in other ways - carry on!

AuntyMag10 · 27/04/2015 13:14

I think as long as your dh is ok and not being pressured then it's fine. You say you aren't happy if you don't have it, does this affect your partner? Does he feel like he has to else you will be moody.

MsPerfect · 27/04/2015 13:14

Do you think it's the endorphins?

As long as you and your h are happy then don't worry about it.

If you find that you're becoming consumed and obsessed when you want it, then perhaps it's becoming an addiction?

AnyFucker · 27/04/2015 13:15

there is no "normal" if both people in a partnership are happy

4 times a week doesn't seem excessive to me though

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