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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be absolutely on my arse with my toddler at the moment

27 replies

ahbollocks · 27/04/2015 11:16

He's just completely non stop terrible twos.
Won't play by himself (is an only child), just constantly constantly hassling and stropping. I cant walk more than 5 steps with out him pestering or trying ti climb on me.
Don'tt get me wrong, I love him but I'm at the end of my tether!
We get out for a few hours running around everyday, bake, play in the garden, read, colour.
Only respite at the moment is part time work, and childminder is on holiday so I am too this week.
I know its just a phase but how the fuck does everyone cope with the constant hassling?!

OP posts:
TarkaTheOtter · 27/04/2015 11:19

It gets better. Have you tried bribes?

ahbollocks · 27/04/2015 11:25

im not sure he understands for more than a few minutes,

Like if I said he could have some crisps and let mummy sit quietly for 5 minutes, he woule eat three then be trying to feed them to the bookshelf, then start again trying to brush my hair or look at my belly button or taking my shoes off etc etc etc. It is maddening!

OP posts:
howabout · 27/04/2015 11:29

It does get better and it is normal! I remember when I was quite happy to sit and read stories non-stop because at least we were sitting still. Also don't feel guilty if you sit down with a cup of tea and just ignore him for ten minutes - sometimes you just need a sanity break.

bronya · 27/04/2015 11:34

Toddler group. Find lots and go to as many as possible. He is craving social interaction and he will get it there while you watch.

DoJo · 27/04/2015 11:39

Have you tried something super tiring like swimming? Mine is a bundle of never-ending energy, but even he has to admit defeat after an hour or so in the pool - I think it's a combination of the physical exercise and the mental stimulation of everything being so different and processing that. A morning at the pool at least gets me an hour or so in the afternoon where all he wants to do is sit quietly and read books or similar.

MsJupiter · 28/04/2015 07:57

Oh I felt like this yesterday. After a busy day out I had made him some milk, me some tea and both of us a crumpet and flopped on the sofa in the hope of some respite for ten minutes. Ended up with books piled on top of me along with a load of guilt for really not wanting to read about bloody Thomas . In the end I put the tv on and told him Mummy was going to watch this quiz and would read to him when it finished (about ten minutes). To my surprise he went off and played, then as soon as the theme music he jumped up and asked for his book - which by then I was revived by tea and happy to read although still wished it wasn't bloody Thomas .

Anyway I don't expect it to work every time but I think the combination of being very firm, very boring and giving him a length of time he could understand ('till the end of the quiz' rather than 'ten minutes') helped.

Tiring though aren't they? Grin

Morelikeguidelines · 28/04/2015 08:02

Yanbu but I think this is very typical / normal.

2 seems too young for most kids to want to play along ime. Try about 5 if my dd is anything to go by.

I agree with super tiring activity like swimming. Was good with dd.

CherryLips1980 · 28/04/2015 08:06

I'm with you, plus I'm now 41w with #2. DD seemed to press every single one of my buttons yesterday Sad I feel guilty as but I would love a break right now.

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 28/04/2015 08:09

Yes! My 2yo doesn't nap, doesn't play independently and gets annoyed if I'm not paying her attention Confused CBeebies is a staple here, sadly - 31w pregnant and barely coping!

ahbollocks · 28/04/2015 08:12

Ah thanks everyone. Had a little cry when he got to bed last night :( really trying for a better day today.
Swimming is a brilliant idea, going to see if his trunks still fit!
Just finding it so difficult because I dont want to shout or smack like my mum did but it is so so hard trying to hold in the rage!
In the end yesterday I resorted to giving him a big bucket of water in the garden to play with!

OP posts:
ahbollocks · 28/04/2015 08:13

Oh no naps here either, miss those days!

OP posts:
PixieChops · 28/04/2015 08:14

In the same position as you Fluffy but my child's 11 months old, quite demanding and I'm 32 weeks pregnant! In my opinion OP he needs more social interaction with children his own age. My DD can get very bored very quickly if not able to go out for a bit everyday. Even taking him to the library might be an idea.

woowoo22 · 28/04/2015 08:20

Telly??? Esp in the pre-dinner ARGH hour.

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 28/04/2015 08:22

My coping tactic was selective parenting ... So I had a threshold for when I would get cross and when I'd "not notice" something. Feeding crisps to the bookshelf for eg, I'd ignore that. Pulling DVDs off shelf, emptying the saucepan cupboard (non dangerous, non naughty, just exploring type behaviour) I would just ignore. I would however impose the natural consequence of them having to help tidy up later, even if they only managed a few pans, I'd praise the helping. Otherwise I think you get into this constant battle of "no DD, oh no don't get that out Dd! DD we do NOT do that, no wait don't touch that" and it's relentless.

I took the stance that I needed them to listen to me and really get it when they had done something actually naughty or dangerous - scribbled on the wall, got some scissors, fiddled with the oven. They do grow out of the feeding crisps to bookshelf stuff anyway, and once they are a bit older even just 6 months down the line, the tantrums are less and you can explain to them that actually we don't do that because it makes a mess etc and they are more receptive to it. It's almost survival parenting to get through this tough terrible twos stage. Pick your battles.

I also used to refuse to shift if I was having five mins with a cuppa. I'd just go in a diff room, ignore the sounds of mayhem, take that much needed breather and then go back in feeling calmer and deal with whatever they'd done while I'd had those five mins. Usually again it was a case of "oh children, you have emptied a bag of flour on the floor! Right, here's the dustpan and brush, off you go" ... They'd not actually manage to clean it but they'd try and that got the message across.

Extreme distraction (suddenly at the top of your voice running round the room shouting "oooh a bear") or ignoring tend to be the most effective things for my two with tantrums. (DD had sensory related meltdowns so I used a mix of the two depending on scale of the meltdown). Mostly just get out the house, grit your teeth and know that it will pass.

ButtonBoo · 28/04/2015 08:23

DD is 3.5 and has just become my shadow. All day, everywhere I go, she's behind me, following me, climbing on me etc etc. I'm sitting next to her colouring in a colouring book and she says 'mummy, colour with me'. I AM!! I'm right here!!!! I go to the loo, she follows me. I make a cup of tea, she's dancing around my legs. On the sofa, she wants to get right on top of me to cuddle. However, I when I go to work, it's no problem and when I drop her at preschool she's absolutely fine! What's that all about??!

Nothing specific has changed at home. Can't pinpoint what started it off. But when we are at home, she is a limpet. So suffocating. When will I be able to wee on my own??!!!!

RupertsGirlGroom · 28/04/2015 08:27

Oh god, the not being able to take a few steps without being clung onto\have clothes pulled\shoes taken off is SO annoying! I feel the rage too....I'm not coping either. I think I need some kind of beta blocker to get me through the really bad days. Sad

OhWotIsItThisTime · 28/04/2015 08:30

This is what telly is for. I used to have to shut ds1 out of the loo, too, as I never got to wee in peace.

seastargirl · 28/04/2015 08:32

My son's (2.10) exactly like this, my daughter (18 months) will happily play by herself. Think some of them are just programmed to need constant interaction.

I try to pick my battles, like someone said, if it's a none naughty, none dangerous activity that's keeping him quiet, just let him get on with it. I must admit I use t.v. as a bribe, so let mummy get this done and you can watch a Bing episode. We do Bing so that he can watch a few through the day and it'll only add up to a little bit of telly.

PumpkinPie2013 · 28/04/2015 08:47

I'm right there with you!
My ds is only 17 months but is so full on!
Won't let me move a few paces without hanging on to me, has started having tantrums about teeth brushing /getting dressed /putting shoes on etc.

Likes to chuck every toy everywhere.

He gets bored very easily so needs to be entertained constantly.

Honestly, I love him to bits but work is definitely a break at the moment Grin

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 28/04/2015 08:51

Ok the shadowy clingy stuff. I just didn't allow this. Bear with me ... Toilet yes like a PP I just locked the door. Very firm "I will be back in a minute poppet" and just block out the screaming. Once they learn (and it may take 50 toilet trips to accept this!!) that no matter what, they just don't come with you to the loo they'll give up with the screaming, so just stick to your guns with that one.

Following like a shadow I would stop, get down to their level and say "what are you doing Dd? Mummy is busy and it's going to make mummy all grumpy if you don't let me get on with cooking the dinner. Go and play with your cars please and as soon as I'm finished I will come and play with you" Now yeah, they won't listen and they will keep coming back, but I would just be firm, reiterate a few times, bland neutral tone of voice "go and play with the cars please" and I'd petty much ignore them and cocentrate on what I was doing until I'd done it, then turn back to them and say "right now that's done we can do x" They will eventually click that when you've said "mummy's busy" you won't give them attention no matter how much nagging and clinging they do, but that you keep your word and do play with them afterwards. If they hang off your leg just ignore. If you can tell them to go and play without really looking at them, or stopping what you are doing your body language is backing up your words and they will get that you mean it. Again this takes a lot of goes to get stuck in their head but it does sink in eventually.

Pulling at your clothes/hair/shoes would be a time I would use "no!" parenting. It really makes me tense though being mauled at, I can't stand it, so I used to stamp on that quite hard. "No! DS, mummy does NOT like that" followed by leaving the room, standing up out of reach and putting them elsewhere if they continued. Praise heavily when they stop/directing them to brush their own hair/dollies hair and praising how "gentle" they are being also helped.

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 28/04/2015 08:57

Also I think a bit of occasional annoyance is no bad thing. We need to teach kids about how their actions affect others. There is no benefit to either of you if you remain uber calm while they continue to bang you on the head with teddy. An occasional annoyed toned "oh for goodness sake DS, pack it in, you're driving me mad, leave mummy alone!" doesnt hurt. It does make then think "oops, I went too far there".

gamerchick · 28/04/2015 08:59

God I remember this. I also remember one day where I climbed in the travel cot set up in the living room for 10 minutes to stop the touching for a bit Grin

Can't offer advice just the promise it does stop eventually.

ahbollocks · 28/04/2015 09:16

We do get out everyday, toddler group every day etc etc. Its just like other posters have said, the constant hassling when you are trying to do the day to day stuff like weeing or putting mascara on or cooking tea.
Some brilliant points though, I think I am going to start ignoring non dangerous stuff.
With the brushing hair roughly/grabbing I know he can be incredibly gentle-very very good with the cat and all animals. Just need to stand firm and not lose my shit Grin

OP posts:
doctorboo · 28/04/2015 09:24

My DS1 (almost 4) has sabotaged 18mo DS2's nap three times since 8.20. All because he won't just stay in the lounge and play with his toys nicely and quietly for the 10 mins it takes for his brother to nod off and for me to then leap in the shower for a quick 2 in 1 shampoo/wash. At the mo he literally can't do 15 mins without seeing where I am, what I'm doing and asking why I'm not playing super spies or monster cars with him...and the whinging is off.the.chart.
I know even bribery would only have limited success because he'd want more/something else and then still not give me any peace.

meringue33 · 28/04/2015 09:28

Two words. Screen time Smile