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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to build OH a toilet at the bottom of the garden?

25 replies

Narnia72 · 26/04/2015 23:52

I know my own poo does not smell of roses. But OH does the most eye watering man dumps ever. He has a good diet, eats fibre and fruit/veg, mainly home cooked stuff, in fact, the stuff the rest of us eat, but somehow when we go to the loo, in general, the stuff that comes out is a bit smelly, but easily dispersed. When OH goes it smells as though something died in there several weeks ago and is rotting. I am upstairs in the bedroom, he's just been to the loo downstairs and the smell is vile.

It is exacerbated by the fact that he still hasn't fitted a fan in the downstairs loo, and the one in the ensuite isn't working. I've asked him to sort it out many times, but he forgets or there's something else to do. I would happily pay someone to come and sort it, but he likes diy and would moan that the person hasn't done it right (ie his way).

It's getting to the stage when I am embarrassed if people come to the house just after he's been to the loo. If I am expecting people I'll ask him to go upstairs, but if someone just drops in and he's used the loo downstairs it stinks for at least 20 minutes. He'll also use the ensuite just before the kids have a bath, and it's grimmity grim to be in there.

I've dropped gentle hints recently but have never said anything very bluntly. However, I am worried that this may be indicative of a digestive problem. He frequently complains of indigestion and spends hours on the loo.

So I guess this is a 2 part AIBU?

A should I be worried and cart him off to the docs or is this normal?

B how can I get him to be more aware and considerate without embarrassment? I want to say "your shit STINKS the house out - please fit the sodding fans, think about which loo will cause the least offence, shut the door during and after, and clean the loo, spray and ventilate after" in the politest way possible.??

Just for background, we have been together for 10 years, he's always been smelly, but since pregnancy I have a stronger sense of smell, and he does seem to be more stinky and frequent.

OP posts:

usualsuspect333 · 26/04/2015 23:54

Can't he open a window?

Original poster

Narnia72 · 26/04/2015 23:57

There isn't an opening one in the downstairs loo. He can open one upstairs, but obviously not when the kids are in the bath.

OP posts:

CMOTGilbertBlythe · 26/04/2015 23:58

God no, it doesn't sound normal.
The smell is one thing, but the complaining of pain/indigestion and spending hours on the loo could be a sign of bowel trouble.

I would make him go to the drs.

In the meantime, some charcoal capsules, more water to drink and be a bit more blunt about mentioning the smell, he could at least open a window.

CamelHump · 26/04/2015 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thehumanjam · 27/04/2015 00:01

Heightened sense of smell in pregnancy is common. I had that and my sense of smell has never gone back to normal. Do other people notice the smell as much as you do? Certain smells make me gag but other people don't even notice them.

Bogeyface · 27/04/2015 00:12

H has always been like this. He goes once a day and swear it ferments!

Its like his body needs him to go twice but he saves it up for one uber shit.

I have not bothered with polite, especially after the memorable incident where he went to the loo upstairs and me and the kids where downstairs and decamped the garden.

I believe my exact words were "Did something crawl up your arse and DIE?!" He now goes in, opens the windows, flushes twice (once midway and once at the end....lovely) and then sprays before he leaves.

Some people are just really stinky, my mother is the same. Really good diet, nothing that would make her more stinky than anyone else but she could clear a room with one wee squeaker!

SwedishEdith · 27/04/2015 00:17

Just say what you've posted in B. Meanwhile, keep a box of matches in there and light one after he's contaminated the place.

DambustersDog · 27/04/2015 00:20

Flushing the toilet at the same moment as the stools hit the water will reduce some of the gases entering the room. That followed by a spray of neutralising spray will help. Generally a high fibre diet results in the stools being loose and the build up of gases.

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 27/04/2015 00:21

Might be a 'man thing', my partner shits smell like something died behind a hot radiator. I'm using my toxic pregnancy farts in revenge. Between us, no small living creature can possibly currently survive in this house. I suggest a decent house spray, but for me, the poo smells and fake vanilla just combine into something even more unholy, and my perggo sickness comes back with a vengeance. Tell him to fix the sodding fan, then come round to ours to fix one in .

CaurnieBred · 27/04/2015 00:25

Def lighting a match and burning a candle - works much better than a cloying room spray.

lunalelle · 27/04/2015 00:31

Thanks to the person who posted the spray! I think I am getting some for our bathroom.

Honestly, I think it might be some weird man thing. I also know that I don't smell of roses, but I go in for five minutes...he is in there for at least half an hour and the smell is toxic. His mates do the same when they are here. It is unbelievable.

CamelHump · 27/04/2015 06:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goshhhhhh · 27/04/2015 06:42

Gallbladder? My dh's was like this & still is post op - sorry

PeaceOfWildThings · 27/04/2015 06:50

He needs to see a doctor.
It could be an intolerance to something like gluten or dairy which a doctor is not going to rule out unless you're really persistent. The more obvious things to rule out are Crohn's disease (the sooner this is detected the better) diverticulitis, gallbladder problems, and a few other things you don't want to ignore.

Original poster

Narnia72 · 27/04/2015 08:15

Thanks all, matches, poo pourri, charcoal tablets; will try them all! I don't use air freshners as I've never found one I like the smell of, but I have tried smelly candles which work when he remembers to light them.

We're pretty clued up on intolerances as one of the kids has had various food issues. I suspect he's mildly intolerant to both wheat and dairy, and he does occasionally cut out dairy as it helps with his ENT issues.

Sad to hear I'm not alone, but thanks for sharing remedies. I will also urge him to go to the docs just to check there isn't a gallbladder issue or something else.

OP posts:

Sallystyle · 27/04/2015 08:21

My husband stinks as well.

I got him poofume and it helped a bit but now the smell just reminds me of poo. He opens the window but it still stinks for ages.

I could have written your post, down to being embarrassed when people come round, and he goes three times a day.

He did actually have his gallbladder removed two years ago so it could be related to that.

letscookbreakfast · 27/04/2015 08:21

My partners shit does stink which is weird as our diets are similar, she constantly sprays after she goes as even with a fan and an open window it lingers. Mine isn't that bad according to her.

gamerchick · 27/04/2015 08:21

Get a gel toilet duck or similar.. I use the blue aldi one. Get him to splurge under the rim after each finished. The smell does a good job of replacing the smell of man poo.

deedee33 · 27/04/2015 08:37

Is he constipated? Half hour visits soundca bit excessive (assuming he hasn't got his phone in there...) Yy to immediate flushing!

I read somewhere recently that we evolved to fear and avoid the smell of poo to avoid diseases - except our own! Which might explain how come he seems unbothered.

But you should definitely get those fans fixed esp in the en suite anyway, to keep damp air out of your bedroom - especially if anyone in the house is prone to coughs or asthma.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/04/2015 08:48

Get the fan fixed. If there's no window of course the smells can't dissipate.

purplewoofer · 29/04/2015 19:02

I think it's a man thing. My oh takes ages and really stinks. He refuses to use air spray as he does not like the smell.

elderflowergin · 29/04/2015 19:13

If I were you I would be sitting down no calmly explaining that because of the pg smell thing, I would be giving him one weekend to fit the fans, and if they weren't done I would be paying for someone to come and fix them. I would also get an odour neutraliser type spray. I would also banish him to the upstairs one only just in case we had visitors !

Bogeyface · 29/04/2015 21:08

Why do they take so long?!

I am sure there is a link between half an hour poo visits and stinking so bad. Thats why I said above that I am sure his shit ferments as he saves up 3 normal poos into one humungous half an hour jobby (pun intended!).

I dont know a single woman who, assuming no bowel issues, doesnt just go to the loo, do the necessary, washed hands and out in under 5 minutes. Similarly I dont know a single male that is out in under half and hour and most of them stink the house out.

It cant be healthy to have that in your guts .....bleurgh...

RandomMess · 29/04/2015 21:12

I think you need to be blunt with him as well - it may help motivate him to sort the fan out.

DH stinks the house out too and 50% of the time he fails to remember to open the window!!!! Drives me insane.

DrCoconut · 29/04/2015 21:15

My DH can easily take 45 minutes and the smell will wilt the plants on the kitchen windowsill. He is under investigation at the Dr for various health issues, that being one of them.

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