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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect to be introduced?

35 replies

onemississippi · 26/04/2015 14:53

I really don't know if I'm overthinking this or not. I went out with a friend last night to an event - she knew a fair few people that were attending but I didn't know anyone. As we were mingling my friend was greeting and chatting to various people with me by her side but not once did she introduce me any of them. For a big part of the evening I was asking her 'Who was that?' and feeling like a complete spare part (and a dork).

I'm not shy or socially awkward but I find it easier to chat to strangers if I know their name or something about them. At one point I was feeling so pissed off and isolated I asked my friend to introduce me to people and she just gave me a blank look Confused

I don't expect a whole Bridget Jones 'This is Perpetua' speech but surely most normal people introduce their friends to complete strangers?

OP posts:
FenellaFellorick · 26/04/2015 14:58

I think that particular courtesy is dying out. I agree with you that is is polite but I think there are a lot of people nowadays who don't follow that etiquette.

Maybe in future when she's chatting interrupt and say hi I'm X.
I think she's bad mannered but maybe I'm old fashioned Grin

redexpat · 26/04/2015 15:01

Oh no! I always 'introduce people with thoughtful detail' a la Tom's advice in Bridget Jones. Perhaps buy her a copy? Wink

hidingfromthem · 26/04/2015 15:03

YANBU.
it is incredibly ignorant.
i've had this happen with different friends.

went out with friend 1 for drinks, he abandoned me to strangers without any introductions and fecked off to socialise with others in the pub. i never went out with him again after that. he's an utter 'i'm alright jack', which other people have also pointed out.

went out with friend 2 for drinks and she then went and had a full convo with this guy for about 20 minutes, while i sat there like a lemon.

friend 3 had a fine long convo with a man (not her husband) and left me sitting there. she has issues and craves attention, as i already knew. i don't bother with her any more.

woowoo22 · 26/04/2015 15:03

Weirdo (her). YANBU.

Woowoo has an extensive collection of tupperware and enjoys naked potholing in the Lake District. Grin

BaronVonShush · 26/04/2015 15:08

That is rude. And why is it no longer considered rude?

I used to be a temp and at one job we went to the pub for a drink at lunchtime. The lady who had hired me said to everyone "She's the temp, I won't bother introducing her as she is leaving tomorrow". I was mortified as I was quite shy anyway at the time!

Yokohamajojo · 26/04/2015 15:09

Myhusband used to do this when we just got together, when I asked why it turns out he is incredibly forgetful with names and could never remember the names of people so couldn't introduce me Grin could your friend be the same? Agree though that it is rather rude

alwayshavepeckham · 26/04/2015 15:10

I wonder if she's forgotten their names & was too embarrassed to admit it?
TBH you could hold out your hand and introduce yourself.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 26/04/2015 15:11

I think she was rude not to have introduced you to the other people, it's basic courtesy isn't it?

rembrandtsrockchick · 26/04/2015 15:11

This happened to me many years ago. Picked up a friend and drove to a very nice pub where we met up with a large group of her work friends. Several of them bought her drinks, I was ignored and not introduced to anyone. After half an hour of feeling like an absolute lemon, I left. She didn't understand why! I would only last five minutes now.

UncleT · 26/04/2015 15:12

It is still considered rude. I do not buy for a second that it's not, just because there are examples to the contrary.

wildfig · 26/04/2015 15:13

YANBU. That's very rude, and I bet the other people felt a bit awkward too. I always introduce everyone with a Bridget Jones fact, and usually with the detail that Person A is a 'top beekeeper/clarinettist/vicar', etc. Even if they are a useless beekeeper/clarinettist/vicar. The only time I don't do Bridget introductions is if I've totally forgotten the name of one of the people I'm introducing - and that can't have been the case with everyone your friend met last night... could it? clutches at etiquette straws

BaronVonShush · 26/04/2015 15:13

Thank goodness UncleT, I did wonder!

Theycallmemellowjello · 26/04/2015 15:14

It is rude. But if it happens you should just introduce yourself.

wildfig · 26/04/2015 15:16

I think with rude non-introducer friends you just have to leap in and say, 'Hello, I'm onemississippi, I work with Pam here' with an extended hand, then if there's a reason why your friend isn't introducing you, eventually she'll have to say, 'Can you stop doing that? I've told them all you're my police protection officer' or similar.

Musicaltheatremum · 26/04/2015 15:16

If you forget names why not just say "this is onemississippi, now I'll let you all tell her who you are"

SylvaniansAtEase · 26/04/2015 15:18

LOL wildfig.

'This is Jennifer - she volunteers at the Cancer Research shop but I have to tell you she is a completely useless beekeeper'

wildfig · 26/04/2015 15:23

Yes, the joy of Bridget Jones introductions is that as you scuttle off into the party throng to get more wine, the two people can then have a bonding conversation about 'how embarrassing and annoying Wildfig's stupid introductions are, I mean, it's three years since I last picked up the sodding clarinet, and since then I've been knighted and appeared on Mastermind, ffs' and by the time you come back they're best mates.

NeedABumChange · 26/04/2015 15:26

It's really rude and I once broke up with a guy over it. He simply never introduced me when we went out with his crowd and I just felt like a complete spare part.

PeppermintCrayon · 26/04/2015 15:29

It is rude but just say "hi I'm..."

CrabbyTheCrabster · 26/04/2015 15:30

I am really really really awful with names, and even when I am 99% sure I know the person's name I have an irrational but pervasive fear that I've got it wrong, so I'm very reluctant to say it. Confused Blush

If that were the case here, though, then she should have explained that to you so that you could introduce yourself to people.

derxa · 26/04/2015 15:32

I was very sad and googled this:
Perpetua: Anyone going to introduce me?
Bridget: [to herself] Ah. Introduce people with thoughtful details. Perpetua, this is Mark Darcy. Mark is a prematurely middle-aged prick with a cruel raced ex-wife. Perpetua is a fat-ass old bag who spends her time bossing me around.
[to herself]
Bridget: Maybe not.
Perpetua: Anyone going to introduce me?
Bridget: Ah, Perpetua. This is Mark Darcy. Mark is a top barrister. Comes from Grafton Underwood. Perpetua is one of my work colleagues.
(not in the least helpful)

MaidOfStars · 26/04/2015 15:37

I introduce myself with eyes rolling.

Rockdoctor · 26/04/2015 15:40

I know it's incredibly rude but I am exactly the same as crabby. Having said that, I do try to explain/apologise to whoever I'm with in advance.

VelvetRose · 26/04/2015 15:40

I would do the same Maid in a very obvious way! Your friend was really rude!

AyMamita · 26/04/2015 15:41

YANBU. It is rude not to make introductions!