Being 'better than everyone else'

[Meh84]

I've been at my current place of work for around 8 months, an last night was my first night out with them.

I thought I was settling in quite well with them all. It takes me a bit of time to get over initial shyness but once that's gone I start to be more like myself.

The nature of my job segregates me somewhat from the rest and I spend my time in the office assisting the manager with paperwork and stuff.

Anyway, we were sat round a table all quite drunk then one of them said that I think I'm better than everyone else to which a few of them agreed.

I feel mortified that I'm perceived in this way. I'm shy yes, but I certainly don't think this whatsoever. I left shortly after feeling a little hurt. I explained that I'm shy and it might come across negative. So then one of the girls said 'don't worry, try thought I was a bitch when I first started too'. They were also moaning that I'm always in the office! My job is in the office!

It took a lot for me to go out last night because I was nervous. I plucked up the courage and now I feel like shit.

AIBU and taking it to heart or should I just not bother making an effort anymore?

Another shy/reserved person here - it reads to others like 'stuck up' sometimes, especially if they're by nature louder/more extroverted. One of the main problems of being an introvert.

I think they'll feel bad anyway for the grilling they gave you after the booze has died away - anyway, you did explain and one of them even stuck up for you, so you're fine. No need to pull away - use it as an 'in' and brazen it out. Be friendly, open, ask general questions even if you feel they're a bit boring (i.e. 'How was your weekend?/What did you get up to?', and most importantly be yourself. Judgemental people will forgive you easier for being 'odd' rather than pretending to be something you're not.

You are better than them op. You're not an ignorant, judgemental cunt

thanks finnbarr!

There's one particular woman who said I need to make the effort to come out of the office, but she never responds when I say good morning haha!

Maybe I should burst in the doors, dance a jig and hand out £20 notes?!

You're so right about people misconstruing and deciding that that its being stuck up. I'm so shit at making conversation and I just wish people wouldn't judge at first sight

Don't go changing for this bunch of losers op. Chin up

Yet another 'stuck up' introvert here. Its a common judgement on shy/introverted people i have found. Just carry on being yourself.

Something I've found useful is talking about myself as an intro conversation - I've always found it hard because I thought deep down and subconsciously I considered it same off as self obsessed and arrogant when I did it. Took me so so so long to realise it's totally normal and everyone does it, I was just judging myself harshly. Or saying people's names and a full quick greeting rather than just 'morning!' helps too - e.g. 'Hi Lucy, how are you?' (big smile).

Yeah - they were being cunty. Forgive them for it and ignore, and the nice ones will love you for it and the cowbag won't have a leg to stand on. again.

You're right, I'll carry on making an effort. After all I am better than then har haaaaar!

There was a great thread on here about being introvert and I could completely relate to everyone that posted.

Thats exactly what i got at work until I copied a friend's social style - tho a toned down version. Why did i copy her? Because i got told i 'didn't integrate', was 'stuck up' and 'too quiet to cope with tricky, demanding people '. It was such a slap in the face to my already low self esteem.

I now have a better job /regularly get told am good at it, but its such a shame to me, that my introversion got disparaged. The older i get the odder i find it that only extroverts seem to be seen as capable, enviable, valuable.

Talk again to the nice girl who said dont worry, she seems an allie (sp?). It might help to go on knowyourstrengths.com to see your inter action style and how to deal with other styles and to begin to appreciate what you bring to a situation as an introvert. You dont have to go the other way and be the life and soul, but learn a few interaction strategies and you will get 'quietly confident' instead which is what i get now. I quite like it !

Seriously, not one of them had the courage to talk to you privately and face to face, and it took all of them in a group combined with alcohol to find the guts to tell you what they all thought?

Then you probably are better than them, fuck 'em.

Oh, and please don't go changing to try to fit in - you'll end up hating yourself for being a fraud. If someone constructively points out valid areas where you are letting yourself down, then by all means act on it though.

You probably are a lot better than them. You're sensitive to others' feelings for a start. This attitude is common in groups with a queen bee who decides how everyone should act. Don't retreat but I would be building up my skills to get out of there and into a better job. As finnbarr said with knobs on!!!

Since it's clearly untrue, the accusation will go away all by itself. People have a way of getting used to each other.

Same thing happened to me in my previous job, and you know what? The people who judged me were lazy and unmotivated and hated it cos I showed them up by being keen and efficient (not deliberately, but just because I was new and wanted to do my best).

DON'T think this is your fault and that you need to change. The fact that they dared be so rude to you during what was supposed to be a fun team-building night out is them showing you exactly who they are, i.e. SO NOT WORTH IT!

Find a job where you are appreciated for what you are and can feel comfortable being yourself.

Good luck OP!

Another introvert here. At my last review my boss said I was too quiet and " needed to get more involved in office life"

I was really hurt. In my eyes I'd been trying really hard and AM bloody involved in it! Clearly not.

Several new people have started and I've noticed they are all pally on Facebook and go to lunch together. I guess I'm just one of those "peripheral" type people.

Maybe they should have made more of an effort with you, horrible people! What are you meant to do if your job is in the office?!!