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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not like my bf saying I love you at the end of a phone convo with a female friend

24 replies

tobytomcat88 · 25/04/2015 16:26

We both work for the same company but in different branches. (both worked there around 2 years)
The female friend in question works in his branch and her bf coincidentally works in my branch.
We go on couples nights out and I like her a lot but every time they talk on the phone they finish by saying I love you / I love you too
AIBU to find this odd ?

OP posts:
Feminine · 25/04/2015 16:27

It is odd.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 25/04/2015 16:28

YANBU.
It's odd.

dexter73 · 25/04/2015 16:28

Yanbu in my opinion. I would find it a bit odd too. I only say that to family.

Original poster
tobytomcat88 · 25/04/2015 16:29

They have done it since I can remember how can I get him 2 stop without sounding like a jealous crazed gf?

OP posts:
finnbarrcar · 25/04/2015 16:29

Can't say it would bother me, it totally depends on their relationship. I've been known to sign off with a cheery "luv ya" when speaking to male friends.

PurpleSwift · 25/04/2015 16:31

I dont think it's appropriate

letscookbreakfast · 25/04/2015 16:32

That's very odd, I'd never say that to a female friend! Although I do put a kiss or two at the end of a text message although that's nowhere near saying 'I love you'.

Allstoppedup · 25/04/2015 16:33

How long have they been friends? I say a casual "love you" to old, good friends (both male and female).

It does strike me as odd in your situation but it also seems fairly out in the open behaviour and if it's the only red flag I'd be inclined to let it slide.

twirlypoo · 25/04/2015 16:34

I end most phone calls to friends with a "love ya, bye" its never occurred to me to stop when they / I get a partner Blush

helenahandbag · 25/04/2015 16:34

The only non-family person I ever say 'I love you' to is my best friend, who is very much like a sister to me. I'd find it odd and wouldn't be comfortable with it.

SlaggyIsland · 25/04/2015 16:36

I wouldn't like that one bit. My DH says I love you to me and occasionally his mum. This is correct in my mind.

WorraLiberty · 25/04/2015 16:39

It's a bit weird

Like 'diluting' the word somehow so it becomes pretty meaningless when your DH says it to you.

Only1scoop · 25/04/2015 16:45

Agree Worra

Also all seems a bit for show all that 'love you' with friends on phone.

In a 'were such fun laid back guys' kinda way Confused

itsonlysubterfuge · 25/04/2015 16:46

I think "love you" or "love ya" is more informal and is more acceptable when talking to friends. I find "I love you" to be something more special and should be reserved for family and partners.

chipshop · 25/04/2015 16:48

I'm obviously a bit odd cause I don't think a man saying I love you to a female friend is odd! DP does this with a few of his close female (and male!) mates, as do I.

But if you feel uncomfortable then surely he'll be happy to stop saying it? DP has had one or two female friends I have felt funny about in the past... I've told him and even if he doesn't understand why he says my feelings come first and deals with it.

Andylion · 25/04/2015 17:19

WYF! YANBU.

Bakeoffcake · 25/04/2015 17:30

How old are you? My DD's close friends all say this to each other all the time. Boys and girls. They are 21 and 24.

lucanlordsit · 25/04/2015 17:51

I have a male friend, and we say 'love you' on occasion, regardless of my DH or his DP being present. Neither of them are bothered by us because they know we have a sibling like relationship, and we are all comfortable with one another. I would find it strange with a 'new' or recent friend, I think, but old friendships are a little different. I do love my friend - and he loves me - but not romantically.

TidyDancer · 25/04/2015 17:55

What exactly is your problem with it though? I don't think it would bother me but then I do tell my friends I love them because I do. DP has never expressed concern about it because there's nothing to be concerned about.

I can't think of much besides jealousy or insecurity as a reason why this would be an issue, and if that's the case then having this bother you is more a symptom of the problem. I stand to be corrected on this though, if someone can come up with another reason.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 25/04/2015 17:55

Is he Scott Mills?

Doobiedoobedoobie · 25/04/2015 18:38

I think you probably need to start phoning her partner and saying it to him.

Doobiedoobedoobie · 25/04/2015 18:39

It mostly strikes me as v immature. The kind of sign off you'd have with your friends as a teenager. Surely no grown adults sign off random, non emotive conversations about weekend plans with 'I love you?!'

shewept · 25/04/2015 19:38

I think yabu, sorry.

They are friends, you may not say that sort of thing. But he obviously does. You ask how you can stop him doing it. Truth is, you can't. He is, I assume, an adult and so are you. You should tell him it makes you uncomfortable and why it does. He may stop, he may not. His choice really. Your choice is whether it's a deal breaker or not.

I actually tell my best friend I love her when we finish talking, because I do. She is like my sister. I don't have any male friends who I am that close to would consider them a brother. But do end messages with kisses.

Lavenderice · 26/04/2015 09:41

I have one friend who I say this to. He's male, 25 years ago he was my boyfriend, we've been friends ever since. Neither of our DP's mind.

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