To hate the language surrounding pregnancy?

[Tootsiepops]

Husband and I have been trying for a baby for bloody years. During that time, I've needed some additional support so have turned to a few parenting sites. Mostly, they have been helpful whilst in the thick of two years of infertility, invaluable whilst I was going through an ectopic and very informative during my ivf.

BUT - I bloody hate all the shit language that comes along with these things. Aunt flo? It's a period ffs. Doing the deed and baby dancing? Fuck off. And then fuck off a bit further. I've seen grown women refer to their vulvas / vaginas as minnies, minkies, cookies, nuns, and most recently 'foof'.

I was lucky and had successful ivf, but now that I'm pregnant, I have loads of new words that are making me cringe - mostly the pet names people have for their babies. Bean, bubs, bubba, little sausage etc..

And, why is it that when people speak to me now that I'm pregnant, they never say 'how's the baby?' or 'how are you?' - why is it now 'how's baby?' and 'how's mummy?'. Usually said in a sing-songy voice. Just no. Especially when the midwife does it.

AIBU to wish people would speak to one another like adults? Or am I just an unreasonable, hormonal mess? I'm prepared to accept that because of the length of time we've been trying to get pregnant, and the ivf, I've become very unsentimental about things and probably quite hardened, but I'm 35 damn it - I want adult conversation using grown up words.

MN has it's jargon, I love it that many people have a DH (as I read that as DickHead).

Tootsiepop is not anymore infantile than the name of any other candy. It is not an endearment (excepting OP's cat) nor used an a euphemism for bodyparts or products.

I agree that childish euphimisms are irksome enough when used by children, and really not the way adults having regular sex with hopes of creating children should be talking. Though I imagine, for some, the long term use of more grown up terms in what often seems near continual thinking and evaluation your body the having of sex gets stressful and maybe mechanical sounding, and silly words help relieve it.

CONGRATULATIONS TOOTSIEPOP! Good luck.

Auntie Stella

Yes

I've just had my second DC. I go to/help run a lot of baby groups, and there is much talk of pregnancy, birth and beyond - usually using euphemisms. I'm not very socially adept and tend to forget others' sensibilities and just use the correct terminology. I got a lot of funny looks for referring to my foetus as the foetus, for happily (that may not be the right word!) talking about the less glamorous symptoms of pg and the prolapse I had after DD, and the stitches after DS.

Apparently people just don't say vulva, tearing, prolapse, gynae (they say "you know, the doctor for down there). But they were more detailed than me - I just barely understood them!

At least here in the US, a Tootsie Pop is a kind of candy. Do you not have them in the UK? I figured the OP just really liked them. The chocolate ones are good, the others are meh.

Congratulations. I feel the same way, and have now got a reputation for being not into babies and really moody. Witch annoys me to hell as I had fertility treatments glor and worked very hard to get this baby!
Also in laws started calling themselves nanny and grandad, as soon as they knew! Added an extra layer of pressure when I was still very worried I may loose the baby.

What the fuck is baby dance?

I hate the DS, DC, DH thing too and refuse to use them (except just then, obv)

starlight and snozberry I'd like to add a disliked phrase from my miscarriage to that - retained products. I didn't care for viability scan either but I concede that's probably just me.

On one of the threads in conception I'm on - a poster commented that baby dancing sounds like some ritualistic pre shag dance

One of the midwives at my antenatal classes, describing changing nappies - "and if you have a little boy, you need to make sure his little, well, his little thingy is pointing downwards."

Wanted to say "look, we're all massively pregnant here, I think you can safely say the word 'penis'" but didn't dare.

Many huge congratulations!

And welcome to the fold. I found a lot of the language very isolating for dads.

That's why I love mn. The cutest it gets here is fuckity fuck.

I agree with all of those Stoaty and snoz. They are terms from misogynistic times we are supposedly no longer in.

I normally prefer the real names for things ( but use dh for husband as its quicker to type) but i really hate the word Penis! ( not sure why really) So i would say willy.. Most midwifes gave me the hump years ago with 'baby' this n that too. Guess its just the way they do things, but it did wind me up and this was 20 plus years ago, so things havent changed much it seems! Good luck with your newborn, sounds like youve been through the mill. I hope it goes well.

It doesn't really bother me. What bothers me is the language used at nursery. "S's mummy just to let you know S bumped heads (with actions) with another child today" because I don't know what bumping heads entails or anything. And if your child was good that day you get 2 patronising thumbs up!

When I had my 20 week scan for ds2, as soon as I entered the room I was asked: -
"Are we sexing the baby?"
Huh? Had to bite down hard not to be witheringly sarcastic back!

Some people really can't cope with calling a spade a spade when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth, and I do understand that in a normal social setting but it did puzzle me when one of the midwives I had was using euphamisms.

Umm.. what's baby dust or do I not want to know?

God you would all love my vet who refer to me as "Amber's Mum"

Seriously though, some of it is twee and a little cringey but referring to my baby as a fetus (or having a MW refer to it as that) would offend me much more to be honest. It just sounds so impersonal and scientific.... I have no issue with my baby being called a baby.

Jengr - "What the fuck is baby dance?"

Yes - exactly - it is!

I think people don't mind baby as long as it is attached to the definite article.

Yanbu

I hate it all as well, especially pet names for vaginas and penises.

"and, do you talk to Baby?"

"Nah. Sound waves don't transmit well through the amniotic fluid, so, I find the baby misses some of the finer points of my most intellectual musings. Besides, the baby is unable to reply. So, I don't bother"

I'm going to chose to believe that baby dancing is a bit like doing a rain dance and involves complicated head dresses and bells on sticks / rattles and stamping about on the lawn chanting.

And none of you are going to ruin that image for me with anything < whispers > related to doing the deed are you?

God, I used to hate this. 'Is mum getting lots of support?'

Just say 'are you!' I'm sitting right in front of you!

Also hate baby talk. Ta, din dins, chucky egg, brekkie and calling animals by their sounds (woof woof, baa lamb, moo cow etc) pisses me off no end.

"How's Bump?"

Oh, fuck off.

Someone at work called her unborn child 'bubbles', a woman at my antenatal class chose 'sprout'. It pissed me off no end.

I also hate it when people call their offspring 'the boy', 'the small' etc on social media. I'm aware I need to not sweat the small stuff, but I can't help finding it grating.

Op take it you won't be sporting a 'small person on board' wobbly window sticker in your car.

Or a mummy's Pwince or Pwincess variety