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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think be raging with Dh for doing this again ..,

24 replies

pxmx · 24/04/2015 18:21

Disclaimer * this may be long & I am dyslexic but will try my best to make sense!!
My dh is constantly not telling me things, anything from we were invited to a party too we must work on Sunday etc. I'm am constantly being told things by family (his) / friends followed by 'oh did dh not tell you?'
We have had many arguments about it in the past in fact it's one of the only things we really argue about. It's just happened again & I have half blown my fuse Angry
My horse has been down with a (joint) friend for schooling & I rang to see how she was behaving df told me that he had gone away suddenly & that he had asked another df to ring either myself of dh & tell us. So I ask dh did he know & he tells me yes that he picked MY horse up earlier.So I'm on the phone making a complete turnip of my self checking on my horse that is unannounced to me at homeHmm I have spoken to dh during the day & even asked had he any news ?!
So Aibu, I know there are worse things in the world & but it really gets too me & I have told him that many times. I feel like he either has no respect for me or that I'm so low on his list of priorities that he just can't be arsed to pass on simple messages.

OP posts:
Original poster
pxmx · 24/04/2015 18:31

Apologies for the random 'think' in the title, not sure how that snuck in there ! Confused

OP posts:
EverythingslookingRosie · 24/04/2015 19:07

YANBU! My DH does this too and it drives me potty!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 24/04/2015 19:11

Oh yes, my DH does this too, even worse he swears blind he has told me.

minkGrundy · 24/04/2015 19:13

Ltb... but forget to tell himGrin

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 24/04/2015 19:14

My DH also does this. It's irritating, but not a big deal for me. He's otherwise very considerate and an all round good egg, so I move on pretty quickly from it.

KentonArcher · 24/04/2015 19:16

He collected your horse and failed to tell you?? YANBU!

Original poster
pxmx · 24/04/2015 19:26

Ah yes Tinkly the classic I told you. He also trotted out the other favourite 'is it that time of the month again ?' Because it couldn't possibly be that you are a complete arse it must be that I have pmtAngry
I know he loves me & we get on like a house on fire most of the time, I just cannot understand why he's is a complete bellend about telling me anything.
I sometimes wonder if I'm actually married to a goldfish!!
I have calmed down now Wine really helped I'm no longer raging now just narked.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 24/04/2015 19:36

He doesn't have any respect for you OP, he doesn't consider you important enough to be kept informed. It wouldn't be the kind of relationship I would hang around in tbh but it's up to you if you're willing to tolerate it.

One thing, don't expect him to change. He won't.

Original poster
pxmx · 24/04/2015 19:46

Fair he is wonderful in so many other ways it's just this one thing that really riles me. I genuinely don't think that he does it on purpose but it still annoys the life out of me.
He knows that I wouldn't want my horse at df's when df is not there so went to pick her up for me, which is lovely but why his tiny brain can't comprehend that I would want to be told I will never understandConfused
Pp's that have the same problem how do you deal with it when you get the 'oh dh never said?'

OP posts:
JemimaPuddlePop · 24/04/2015 19:47

Or Faire maybe he's forgetful?

lunalelle · 24/04/2015 19:47

My DH also does it...seems to be man thing.

chickydoo · 24/04/2015 19:51

Mine too

Buttermilly · 24/04/2015 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairenuff · 24/04/2015 19:55

Of course he does it on purpose OP. You actually asked him if he had any news and he lied to your face.

Unless he also has this problem at work and forgets to pass on important messages?

TomCruiseCreepsMeOut · 24/04/2015 19:58

My DH is like this...so utterly forgetful. He is however an absolute genius in his very specialised job, to the point it consumes his thoughts, and I wonder if perhaps that is how his mind operates. Like a one track mind. It drives me bonkers but he is so lovely and good I forgive him.

ScorpioMermaid · 24/04/2015 19:59

mines the same. decided to tell me at 2pm that his parents and sister were coming at 3.30pm for tea. I was sat in my scruffs with no make up on and the house was a tip. queue me having a mad dash to get ready (he tidied up) and then wonder wtf we were doing for tea! he arranged it a fortnight ago and apparently he told me.. and they turned up at 2.45! gah!

youmakemydreams · 24/04/2015 20:02

Dp does this. I know he respects me. I know he loves me. He is just really utterly shite at communicating. It is also the only thing we argue about it really does my head in. After the last argument he is trying to be more informative but he is still falling a little short but only about little things like what we are taking to a party next week but that is partly because he doesn't expect me to sort it out he will so I don't need to know.

catzpyjamas · 24/04/2015 20:06

My solution to DHs "forgetfulness" somewhat backfired - after years of this, I asked him to put all plans on the calendar or THEY WOULD NOT BE HAPPENING and to please remember to pass on messages as he was making me feel like I wasn't important enough to tell.
Now there is NO space on our calendar for anything but his plans and he texts me absolutely EVERYTHING then calls to make sure I got the text...
I am being driven slowly mad Confused

Original poster
pxmx · 24/04/2015 20:09

Faire I think that I may have painted him too badly in my original post as I was bloody fuming at the time. He works alone so no issue at work.
He does lots of little & big things that show me that he loves me. It really is just this one thing.
I think it is a least in part due to the fact that he has had to be very independent from a very young age (his parents are appalling in so many ways, but that's another story!!)
I truly believe that he does not intend to withhold information, that does not however stop it annoying the life out if me when he does !!!

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 24/04/2015 20:22

Okay OP, if you say so.

Original poster
pxmx · 24/04/2015 20:44

We have talked & he apologised for not telling me. He said that he is tired & that he completely forgot too tell me. He has also said that 2nd df did not call until after our 'any news' chat & that he went to pick up the horse straight away as he knew I would want her home.
At least he does the right thing even if he does forget to tell me he's done it !!!
Thanks for all the replies I am delighted to learn that I'm not the only wife wondering around in the dark !!!Wink

OP posts:
nikki1978 · 24/04/2015 20:51

Don't be ridiculous Faire - he forgot and was embarrassed so lied is the likely situation. God i hate it when people on MN call everyone who does anything not perfect 'emotionally abusive' or whatever. Yes many times they are but sometimes people are just idiots every now and then!

OP start 'forgetting' to tell him important things, see how he likes it. Why can't he just text you immediately when he needs to tell you something. Then he can't forget.

Casimir · 24/04/2015 20:56

It is not a respect (lack) thing. I have this. I LIVE with a book(Year Planner). I know I wont remember at the right time so everything goes in book. And then gets done/told/sorted. He will have to remember to write in the book tho, took me years.

Original poster
pxmx · 24/04/2015 21:05

Oh good idea nikki immediate texts then he really can't forget!!!

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