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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask about friends

20 replies

crazylady12 · 24/04/2015 10:40

I am having a bad day today I sat and listend to my ex telling me how am just an empty shell no personality that he's not surprised I have no friends and no one will ever love me, which all sounds nasty but is actually true but I have hit Rock bottom after actually realising I am going to be alone for the rest of my shitty life. don't think I can go another day let alone 50+years living anybody else to seem to just repell other people.

OP posts:

AuntyMag10 · 24/04/2015 10:43

The first thing you need to do is cut contact with this ex. He's trying to grind you down. Off course you will make friends and continue to have a life, you just need to get rid of toxic people like this and make room for good people. Is there anyone else you can visit/call like a sibling, parent just to have a chat with.

pinkyredrose · 24/04/2015 10:48

Those comments say everything about him and nothing about you. Be glad that you're not with such a negative person anymore. He is definitely toxic.

Please do not let him into your life anymore. It is him that's making you feel bad not you.

Original poster

crazylady12 · 24/04/2015 10:48

Unfortunately we have a baby and at the moment still live together I will never be rid of him. Am 24 and only ever had a one friend so I can't see that changing
I was the sad loser who sat in the corner for my whole school life.

OP posts:

AuntyMag10 · 24/04/2015 10:51

He's projecting his own miserable little life onto you. Is there any mums and tots groups in your area you can join, just as a start?

Original poster

crazylady12 · 24/04/2015 10:54

Oh God the mother and baby groups are like going into a wolf pack ha I have been going 2 times a week for 4 years my dc love them

OP posts:

Ikabod · 24/04/2015 10:59

AuntyMag is right on both counts. There should be some free groups in your area - ask your health visitor and local library. You don't need to be sat in the corner anymore! Go to a group, sit next to someone and ask them about their baby. You'll soon get chatting. Go every week and you'll soon recognise people. Make an effort to remember names (even if you have to ask several times!). Then suggest meeting for coffe if you click. I'm shy and was daunted by meeting so many new people, but it gets easier, I promise! Show him he's wrong about you and you really don't need to put up with his shit :0)

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 24/04/2015 11:02

I find old people much easier to talk to than young people (always have done)
So how about something like the ramblers. Get your vile ex to take your kid for a day (4 years old now?) and join them on a short walk.

Bigbadgeorge · 24/04/2015 11:08

You are most definitely not an empty shell. Don't forget you have a beautiful baby and you are their world! Nothing more important. I felt similar to you at 24 with few friends and very isolated. Fortunately I didn't have a nasty ex saying such ridiculously awful things. Lives change and move on, yours will too and you will build a good life for yourself and find good friends. I hope you can cut contact with your ex to a minimum soon, he is just bullying you. Don't let him.

Original poster

crazylady12 · 24/04/2015 11:10

I have a 5year old and a 14 month old I did go to a card making class in a local church and the ladies were lovely but stupidly left because I felt like this little sad person who couldn't make friends my age. They don't do it any more

OP posts:

derxa · 24/04/2015 11:13

What an arsehole he is. Good luck in finding a new life and friends. A word of advice. Let no one count too much in your life and take people as you find them. Dx

Original poster

crazylady12 · 24/04/2015 11:13

Thank you bigbad am.hoping once he moves out he will just piss Off and leave us alone

OP posts:

timeforacheckup · 24/04/2015 11:17

Where abouts are you? We have a lovely buggy walking group near us which is really friendly and because you're walking you can amble along by yourself while you build your confidence without looking like the odd one out.

derxa · 24/04/2015 11:20

What a lovely idea. A buggy walking group. (exercise and friendship)

crazykat · 24/04/2015 12:41

You are well rid of him. You aren't an empty shell with no personality, you do sound very shy and I know from experience it can be near impossible to change that.

I could have written your post a few years ago, minus the toxic ex. I've always been very shy, likely due to bullying all through school. I've always found it very hard to make friends and hated baby and toddler groups.

For the past couple of years since my eldest started school I've started to make myself talk to people, usually other mums in the playground at drop off and hometime. I'm a lot less shy now and have some good friends, it's taken time and a lot of effort to force myself to talk to people and go out when I just wanted to hide.

Finding classes like the card making class will help you make friends as you'll have something in common straight away, who cares if the other people are much older or younger than you? A friend is a friend no matter the age difference.

Morelikeguidelines · 24/04/2015 12:58

You are not an empty shell. I think if you were shy at school and had trouble making friends he has preyed on you as someone lacking confidence. He is the one who has the problem as others have said.

I think you need to find a way to stop living with him but can't suggest much without more info.

tomatodizzymum · 24/04/2015 13:20

You are not an empty shell. I think if you were shy at school and had trouble making friends he has preyed on you as someone lacking confidence. He is the one who has the problem as others have said.

this He's emotionally abusive and has deliberately chosen you because you're shy.

Sometimes it's about finding the right mix or people. Mother and baby groups can be dominated by very confident people. What about the organizers? I often find they're run by more experienced people, whose children have grown up and who are more approachable. I'm shy and always chatted better with the older ladies that ran the groups, eventually I made friends with other women who did the same.

Please ignore the toxic man

Original poster

crazylady12 · 24/04/2015 19:31

Thank you everyone I see he's abusive It's just hard to not listen to him he says he will.leave but eventually wins me back around but not this time as soon as he gets paid next he's out I feel strong enough to do it now

OP posts:

MsAspreyDiamonds · 24/04/2015 19:44

www.womensaid.org.uk

Please call women's aid to find out about local services in your area.

You sound depressed and some counselling could help you. Your GP could refer you for counselling.

You seem to be low in confidence and self esteem. Having a toxic ex has made you like this so the sooner he is out the better it will be for you.

Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 24/04/2015 20:10

Not much help but just wanted you to know that you're not alone in being alone.
I too have no friends. Like, none.

Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 24/04/2015 20:12

And he sounds like a horrible man, please don't listen to him.
I doubt you're "an empty shell" I know I'm not, I do try very hard to make friends and be a kind human but sometimes life just doesn't fall into place, sometimes we meet the wrong people and sometimes people can be selfish assholes!

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