re. racist neighbours

[popmimiboo]

NDN's DS (K) is 13, same as my DD2. They were in the same class throughout primary and are now in same secondary. Get the bus together, regular car shares etc. K is quiet and shy but generally polite and gets on well with DD. DH often chats with K's dad and grandad. The mum is very quiet and busy and never says much more than a polite "hello."

Ok, DD had recently picked up on a few racist/ xenophobic comments from K and challenged him each time. Today, however, she came homd livid. They had a new bus driver who was black. He had given a fine to a girl who'd forgotten her bus card and the kids were all a bit outraged (in a teenagery outraged way!) However, when they got off the bus, K said to DD, "it's because he's black, all black people are nasty like that!" DD called K a racist and asked how he could possibly think that all black people had the same personality? K was confident in his assertations and just rolled his eyes at DD. She told him that there were laws against racism and she could report him and flounced home fuming.

WIBU to challenge K on these comments next time I do the school run or should I bite my tongue and accept that some people are like this and will never change? I almost feel sorry for him because he must have been brought up with these ignorant beliefs. NDN run a restaurant and catering company -should I mention to them that it might destroy their reputation if their DS is heard talking like this?

Your DD already challenged him so I don't think you need to go back to the event unless you hear him using racist language again. You're not his parent.

As to the NDN , not sure I'd make a point of raising their child's racist language. However, as a parent, I'd want to know if my child had said this so I could deal with it. I guess you don't know for certain that K has picked up this attitude from home.

I think whenwhe is in your care ie. School run, I would feel totally within my rites to call him up on it if I heard the comments. But only in a my car my rules, don't for a minute think I want that around me kind if way.

In a similar way, am a stickler forbot misusing gay or ever saying shut up. If either happen in my house, car or when someone is in my care I call them up on it regardless of who they are. I tell them that I won't tolerate it but don't go as far as to pass an opinion on what thet should or should not do outside of my 'zone'

Pull K up when in your presence by all means. Then ask him why he thinks that. At 13, he may be going on far right websites, and his parents will certainly want to know about that. Some of them link to execution videos.

And of course there's the whole teenage motormouth thing. I'm amazed I still had all my teeth at 16.

It might just be he is a bit of a sheltered 13 year old, and doesn't really understand what he is saying. Or it might be that he is genuinely a racist fuck.

Personally I would probably go and speak to his parents - quietly and without fuss - over a coffee, and just calmly tell them what you have been hearing. You will learn alot from their reaction. If they don't give a fuck, then there you go. They might be absolutely horrified. They might just laugh.

But I do think it's worth making them aware.

i'm not their parent, so it's not my place to say, it's possible the parents are the same way, there is no need to fall foul of your neighbours.
i'd call the shots on my turf though, and make it know that it is not acceptable, but not do the preachy angle,

This may be the first time that K has been challenged by his peers, that's likely to be far more influential that your reaction or his parents reaction, particularly at 13 years old.

Kudos to your daughter for having the courage to speak up and challenge, many may not have. For now, just keep an eye on the situation but don't get involved yourself. Give him time to think things over and possibly realise that his peers don't find those views acceptable so neither should he.

He's been challenged once by your dd. How many times are you challenged and punished over the same crime!

Well done to your DD for challenging him. I would leave it there unless I heard him say these things myself.

TBH, I wouldn't mention it to his parents because I would assume that might well be where it has come from originally.

Being racist is becoming fashionable these days. We'll just have to start all over again, like we did in the days when people used to put cards up in their windows reading no blacks, no Irish.

We've got to go right back to Square One.

Thanks.
I would certainly have stern words if I heard K coming out with this crap in my presence, but was unsure whether it was worth bringing up the bus driver incident. I guess I'll go with the majority as I think DD did handle it well and hopefully her reaction will register. No reason to think he'll listen to me anyway!

I think, re. the parents, I'll leave it unless I get the opportunity via a conversation. I do suspect they may be the root of K's attitude.
Agree with Dora that casual racism seems to be on the up though and I really can't stand it. Same for homophobic comments which I don't tolerate either.

Why do you suspect they may be the root?

It's a bit of a leap from 'teenager next door says vile thing' to 'racist neighbourS' isn't it?

First of all, your Dd is fab and deserves lots of praise for her stance.
I would only make a comment to the child if it happened in my earshot. If its parents come out with this kind of crap they may be quick to violence or aggression.

Yes, you're right Arsenic. Probably not a very good title (-though the boy is my neighbour and he is undeniably racist.)
The neighbours themselves are very narrow-minded and have shown themselves to be xenophobic. We have a kind of hostel for asylum seekers nearby and they have made unpleasant comments about "those hostel people", implying that they are all on the rob etc. They also used the fact that children of the asylum seekers go to our local school, as a reason (not the only reason) for sending K to private school. I tend to think that that attitude, plus the kind of nasty comments K has made in front of DD, indicate some degree of racism in their family.
However, I know I cannot force them all to my way of thinking, so, along as they keep their thoughts to themselves, I will do the same!

I am proud, but not surprised, that DD stood up to this attitude though. I'd like to think that most 13 year olds would do the same.