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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this wasn't a cause for celebration?

36 replies

vladthedisorganised · 23/04/2015 09:43

I have only heard one side of this, so perfectly prepared to be told IABU here.
I was talking to an acquaintance recently whose DD is 5. The mother told me proudly that a boy in her DD's class had tried to hug her and she didn't want him to, so her DD "threw him to the ground and gave him a big kick in the goolies". Apparently the boy in question burst into tears and wrote her DD a letter saying sorry. She is immensely proud of her DD's feistiness and told her daughter "you go, girl - it served him right'.

I know it's important to teach children that it's OK to say no to unwanted attention, but I'm inclined to think that it would have been extremely different if the genders had been reversed - "a girl came up to my son and tried to hug him, so he threw her to the ground and gave her a good kicking until she cried." Hmm Lots of 5 year olds are still indiscriminately huggy and a simple 'no, I don't like that' should be enough - I don't feel violence is something that ought to be praised.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Fudgeface123 · 23/04/2015 09:44

YADNBU, what would she say if another kid kicked her kid in the groin after giving them a hug.

Sirzy · 23/04/2015 09:45

I would be fuming if someone did that to DS.

Feckeggblue · 23/04/2015 09:46

Poor kid :(

ItBoilsMyPiss · 23/04/2015 09:48

That is VILE. I'd be reporting that attitude to the head.

diddl · 23/04/2015 09:53

Did the little girl try saying "no thanks" first??

MissMuesli · 23/04/2015 10:03

Horrible. My 4 year old daughter has known the phrase "Stop, I don't like it" since she was about 3 and is encouraged to say that and then tell the teacher is the child hasn't stopped. Poor boy :-(

LisaD1 · 23/04/2015 10:41

Disgusting behaviour.

kissmethere · 23/04/2015 10:46

Have you reported this incident to the police? Seriously that's assault! What did the child's parent do wen this happened? Wow this has made my blood boil!!

TheSultanofPing · 23/04/2015 10:54

I agree, a disgusting reaction. Ds3 used to hug everyone at that age.

Gruntfuttock · 23/04/2015 11:52

That is absolutely disgusting! I just can't fathom anyone thinking this was a good thing to have happened. The poor boy.

squoosh · 23/04/2015 11:55

Awful.

That poor little boy. And pity the little girl being taught that violent behaviour is something to applaud.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 23/04/2015 11:59

No, YANBU. At 15 yo maybe, but at 5 yo this is an awful way to behave Sad

IDid11 · 23/04/2015 11:59

Police? Assault? The child is five and beneath the age of criminal responsibility. Reporting to the head? The mother's quite awful but she's not a school pupil. She's outside the control of the headteacher.

The simple solution is for the OP to choose her acquaintances more carefully.

squoosh · 23/04/2015 12:01

Errr even at 15 years a kick in the balls is not an appropriate response to an unwanted hug.

FlyingPirate · 23/04/2015 12:02

Shock that's horrific! Poor boy Sad

MidniteScribbler · 23/04/2015 12:04

Something like that could cause long term damage. It's not an appropriate response at all to the situation.

PeaceOfWildThings · 23/04/2015 12:06

Distressing for all concerned. Agree with Midnite...the girl is just as much a victim in this scenatio. Terrible 'parenting'. Sad

namechangeafternamechange · 23/04/2015 12:10

And how would she have reacted if the boy had got straight back up, pushed her dd over then kicked her in the fanny??

Some people's idea of parenting leaves me Shock (and I speak of someone who has had to tear strips off OH for telling ds to smack a boy who was 'bullying' him)

FrenchJunebug · 23/04/2015 15:05

YANBU poor boy. The little should have been the one to write a letter of apologies. Nothing to be proud off.

shewept · 23/04/2015 15:31

YANBU, my dd was mercilessly bullied by one boy but was told she shouldn't hit him back unless it was to protect herself/ get him off her.

The police became involved because of repeated incidences of him actually beating her. He was over the age of criminal responsibility. The police won't do anything in this case.

Did the school MAKE him write letter?

I think she needs punishing and wouldn't be happy with my child in a school that thinks this is ok. Its ok to say 'no i don't like that' it is not ok, to be violent.

AndHarry · 23/04/2015 15:43

Poor little boy :( My DS is the same age and would be absolutely distraught if this happened to him. A talk by the teacher (and me) about unwanted physical contact would do the trick.

kissmethere · 23/04/2015 16:19

IDid11

Not the child, the woman had assaulted the child so she assaulted him Hmm

MagicMojito · 23/04/2015 17:39

Yanbu that awful. Poor kid Sad

Original poster
vladthedisorganised · 24/04/2015 11:43

Glad to hear I'm not alone in my opinion. Sadly, acquaintance is someone I know through family so not someone I 'chose', so to speak..

It didn't go down well when I said that I would have been really angry with DD if she had reacted in the same way - she knows to say 'no, I don't like that', persist, and tell me/ a teacher/ other adult if the other child doesn't stop. Not that I expected it to go down well, right enough, but I was surprised at the amount of backslapping and 'you go, girl!' that went on.

The "justification" was that the boy 'wasn't respecting her boundaries' - well, in that case a simple "STOP THAT, I DON'T LIKE IT!" is plenty. Needless to say, I'd be mortified and furious in equal measure if I heard that DD had done anything like the girl did..

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 24/04/2015 11:48

" Have you reported this incident to the police? "

is this for real?

Horrible attitude and behaviour though. As another poster said, reverse the B/G roles and see how it sounds. Poor boys.

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