To expect some more support from OH?

[Sparkydo]

Help me out please ladies, I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not. I'm going back to work after having my 2nd child after being off for 7 months. I've been suffering postnatal depression. I work 3 days a week as a GP and I'm now a partner so am expected to pull my weight a bit more. I'm on call effectively 8-6. OH works in the financial sector as a private contractor and has a long commute due to traffic - he leaves before 7 and gets back around 7 so I do all nursery drop off and pick up. If the boys are sick it's me who reschedules and comes home as he's self employed and works on a short term contract basis. Nursery hours are 8-6 and we live 15 mins away from work so mornings are doable if I get an emergency call. The evenings are trickier. If I get a late house call there's no one I can call locally to pick up the boys. We have no family. I've asked OH if he can come home early one night a week to ensure the boys are picked up. He said fine. But last night we had a massive fight and he says he's been leaving early every night to get home and it looks bad on him. I hadn't realised this. To top it all he's announced he need to go away with work overnight on the very day I'm going back to work, meaning I have to do everything myself whilst I'm on call for the first time in 7 months and I'm going to miss both an appointment with my therapist and a night out I have been planning for weeks. I understand he has work commitments but is it unreasonable for him to tell work he has family commitments too? Shouldn't we take priority? And how and I going to balance everything?? Sorry it's so long :-(

I agree you need more help from a nanny or other person who comes to the house. You both have responsible well paid jobs and your DH is right when he says he can't be seen to be leaving early and of course your job is a vital one too. So you get extra help. It shouldn't really be a problem financially.

Another vote for au pair. We have one because neither of us can guarantee being around for nursery pick up (never mind school for older dd).

It might be worth giving up a bit of personal space for the peace of mind this gives you. And I say that as some one who usually cannot bear anyone on my turf.

I think it does depend a lot on DH's job. IME private contractors in the financial service are going to find themselves out of a job very quickly if they insist on leaving early when it suits them.

Basically you both have jobs where you can't guarantee to be out "on time" and it will reflect badly if you are always rushing off early. I'd agree with others that you do need additional childcare. I suspect the most you can reasonably expect from DH is that he works from home one day a week, or leaves early on one or potentially 2 days a week - and this still won't actually help your situation.

DP works as a financial services contractor, it's stressful long hours and you are expected to stay if you are not meeting their ridiculous targets. He gets no pay for a half day or a day off.

It's not a flexible job at all. It's bums on seats and they often give people the nudge for no good reason.

He simply can't be flexible in regards to childcare. It's the choice we make because the pay is good.

The unreasonable thing is the expectation that you will return to work without adequate child care. And I suspect that I do a similar job to your OH. As a contractor, I am paid by the day and expected to work whatever hours are needed from a minimum 8h day to 12h plus if needed. When I go to work in the morning, I often have no idea what time I will finish. It depends what happens during the day.