To just be drained?

[Turquoiseflamingos]

My brother is 3 years older than me and has Aspergers. Obviously, he struggles greatly with social issues to the point where his only contact outside of work is me.

The problem is, I am so busy. I work full time during the week and then work 6 evenings a week, plus during the day most Saturdays and Sundays. I find myself getting asked 'can you come round' SO much - I don't live far to be fair but it's just such a drag, he has no sense of humour and always wants to talk about how depressed he is, how awful everything is. Even if I a, low myself and he tries to empathise it just ends up being all about him so a 'bit under the weather, I've got a cold,' turns into him saying 'oh yeah I've got flu; it's awful, I was in agony, couldn't possibly go to work ...'

I feel so torn as I love him but find him hard to like. I just feel guilty when I have to say no to him.

Can anyone empathise? I just need some understanding I think.

I sympathise.

My great aunt has just left hospital and I've visited her every second day. I'm ill with neurological problems and actually thought I was going to keel over at her bedsidenthe other day.

I know it is just sitting in a chair chatting for an hour and I should be able to manage, but it is hugely draining and obviously she has been unhappy being in hospital for ten weeks, so it has made for depressing conversation.

I think you should cut down the amount you see your dB. Yes, he socialises with you but if you are burnt out he won't have you at all.
Could you meet him out somewhere or both join a club or hobby? Even if you and db don't keep going, it would be a break from sitting in his house and might encourage his social skills.

I hope you feel better soon.

YANBU. Do you have any other family to muck in a bit? How old is he? Maybe you could find him a group for people with ASDs to join?

Can I say your working hours sound crazy and unsustainable,

With or without your brothers needs you will burn yourself out anyway.

I/we have absolutely no other family. It's all my responsibility. It's awful.

I have tried to encourage him to do stuff (I don't really have time) and he gets all enthusiastic and says what a great idea then does nothing about it.

Pyjamas - I'm fine, honestly, I like my jobs.

Have you thought about getting someone to befriend him?

There are organisations who have volunteers to go into other people home and keep them company for a hour or so on a regular basis

Appreciate you love your jobs but it doesn't leave much time to yourself to relax and recharge your batteries.

Sounds hard and your brother draining you won't help. I second voluntary organisations and also recognise you arnt super woman and need to protect your own health/welfare and happiness here.

YANBU - that sounds tough. Yes, you love him but it is still very difficult to look after someone on your own.

I would suggest looking into someone befriending him (maybe Google for suggestions or ask your local GP surgery )

That sounds so hard, some councils or NHS mental health trusts have inclusion workers who can help support people to access community facilities. It sounds as though he might be willing to do things and broaden his network but gets stuck and the doing stage, some inclusion workers will help people find a community group their interested in and support the person to attend only withdrawing when someone is comfortable accessing the service on their own. Otherwise for your own health those working hours sound horrendous, is there any way you can reduce. Also ultimately your DB needs to take some responsibility himself you can only do so much and shouldn't feel guilt about that. I think when you experience a loved one as so draining you need to carefully titrate the amount of time you spend with them otherwise it sours the whole relationship.

Try posting in Special Needs Children OP....I suggest that as it;s more active than Special Needs Adults and many there have adult children. xxx

Thanks, I will :)