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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send out last minute birthday party invites?

21 replies

holleyshiftwell · 22/04/2015 09:58

It's DS's 6th birthday party this Saturday. He invited 12 friends from school a few weeks ago. Three friends said straight off that they couldn't make it, but nine accepted, which we thought was fine. Over the last two days, three more friends have now said they can't make it after all, and so he is down to just six friends coming.
It's a swimming party at a local private pool, run by his swimming teacher, who is planning to play lots of games and races with them. She says the ideal numbers for a party like this are between 12 to 16... I am worried that DS is going to feel a bit sad that he doesn't have many friends there and that the party won't work that well with such a small number.
Would I be unreasonable to invite a few more children from DS's class at the last minute? It will probably be obvious to their parents that they weren't on the original invite list.

If it was the other way round, I think I would just be pleased that DS was invited to a fun party, but would like to know what others think?

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 22/04/2015 10:07

You could try, but be prepared for a lot of turn downs, as it is last minute and people might have already planned their weekend.

TwinkieTwinkle · 22/04/2015 10:08

No harm in trying!

TiggieBoo · 22/04/2015 10:14

Do it, it sounds like a lovely party! Some people might turn it down, but there's no harm in trying.

RomanticallyInclined02 · 22/04/2015 10:14

I would have exactly the same concern - that the parents would understand that their child was not a first choice but a back-up option used to "fill up" the spaces. For that reason I didn't invite any last-minute guests to DD's recent party.

OrangeVase · 22/04/2015 10:16

Do it.
People can only say "no" if they are busy. It might be a lovely last-minute surprise for a child who otherwise has nothing planned. Make it as easy as possible for them to say "yes" re transport, not having to buy presents etc.
It should be fun and it might give your DS a chance to mix with and make friends with children whom he doesn't know very well.
It can only be good.

OrangeVase · 22/04/2015 10:16

PS - ring them/see them if you can rather than stick and invitation in a book bag

Model5 · 22/04/2015 10:20

I'd try and bring in reserves from outside school if I could. e.g. cousins, neighbours, friends from football club/beavers etc rather than people who were obviously excluded from the first list.

Original poster

holleyshiftwell · 22/04/2015 10:26

Good point about ringing people rather than invite in book bag.

Sadly we don't have any cousins (yet), and beavers/football are all children from school, so not really any others places to invite friends from!

OP posts:

nobodyknowswheremyjonnyhasgone · 22/04/2015 10:27

I had this once because of a bug which hit the class and sent a message to the class saying, we'd had to restrict numbers but we've a few spare places that we're paying for anyway and if any of the children would enjoy the activity they were welcome, no need to bring a present.

We got 4 takers for 5 places. I think people didn't mind as we were quite open.

Its a very friendly class though.

CMOTDibbler · 22/04/2015 10:33

I wouldn't mind a last minute invite at all, as I appreciate you can't invite everyone. Unless ds had been one of 4 boys not invited from the class first time (or similar number where its apparent it was really that he wasn't wanted at all, rather than being one of many iyswim)

Original poster

holleyshiftwell · 22/04/2015 11:05

Thanks for the feedback. It's definitely not a case of having just left a few out first time round, original invites included a mix of 12 boys and girls from a class of 30.
So will check with DS when he gets home later and see if there are a few more that he would like to invite.

OP posts:

YawnyMcYawn · 22/04/2015 11:15

I think NobodyKnows has the best solution. Send a message like that to everyone else in the class who wasn't invited originally, say how many places you have free and do it on a first-come-first-served basis.

TBH I think hand-picking other children at such short notice could mean that you get no takers.

Lymmmummy · 22/04/2015 21:09

Yes just be open and honest about it - and I think you will fill your places - i agree a general mail/text to several will be better than hand picking as is lots of bother

I once had an experience were a neighbour invited us to their child's party the evening before the party - her son and my son were friends at the same preschool and we had recently moved into the same road and been on one or two play dates - in all honesty she is a nice woman who I think just forgot to invite my son as she was very busy - and it was nice of her to give him an invite even at late notice

however she sent a text the evening before the party which said " really sorry for late notice it's x b-day party tomoro and he has been saying all day how he would love y(my son) to come - he would be really excited if y could make it" which came across a bit rude as if she wouldn't have considered inviting my son if her son had not been putting the pressure on - and bother for us at the last minute to buy presets given we don't live in a big town - text went down a bit badly with my other half - we had plans anyway so declined but I would have preferred she just said "sorry I forgot to invite y as I have been really busy - but you and y are very welcome to come if you are free - and obviously given the late notice no need to bring a present " I suppose my point is being honest is generally better than concocting a story to cover up why people are invited last minute

MrsHathaway · 22/04/2015 21:19

I wouldn't be offended if it was obvious the original exclusion had been on numbers grounds, eg at a swimming party.

Agree with others that positive honesty is the best policy - couldn't invite before because not enough spaces, but there's enough room now that all the RSVPs are in and little Jeremy would be delighted if Tarquin could come after all.

ImNameyChangey · 22/04/2015 21:21

I was a bit offended when this happened to DD...she was asked last minute as a back up to a similar party. But I was really offended that the Mother didn't admit to this....I think if you're honest it will be fine.

Original poster

holleyshiftwell · 23/04/2015 11:23

Hi all, thanks so much for the advice. Did as nobodyknows suggested and went for the honest approach; now have four more coming to the party which feels much better!

OP posts:

ImNameyChangey · 23/04/2015 11:24

Yay! Well done!

Aeroflotgirl · 23/04/2015 11:57

that sounds great, have a lovely time

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/04/2015 12:14

Oh I'm so pleased. We had a restricted numbers party for DS1's 7th birthday party - so he had to choose out of his friends whom to invite. After some people couldn't come, DS1 had the choice to ask a few others, and one little girl he didn't ask until about 3 days beforehand, because we didn't see her until then (she was in a different year but had the same passion for the party theme as DS1). She was still thrilled to be invited and happy to come :)

LaPampa · 23/04/2015 12:21

We sent out the first round of invitations for my daughter's party only a week before the event due to being so busy, and 6 out of the 10 invitees came. (although I did get a little offended by being invited to a wedding by text saying that "a space had opened up" only a couple of weeks prior, so perhaps wording is key!)

chocolatelife · 23/04/2015 12:27

my dd was invited last minute, I didnt mind, she certainly didnt mind

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